One last chance?

28 Aug

Yesterday just before Quitting Time, the following appeared in my inbox. The subject is “My Love:”

[his pet name for me],

Last week, I took your saddle to Barb’s. She has a long-time friend who has horses and has been looking for a spare saddle for visitors. They will keep your saddle and use it occasionally, but it is still your saddle. If you ever want it back, all you have to do is tell Barb.

She was impressed with the saddle.

I think of you every minute of every day and hope you are doing well.

Miss you very, very much.

No lower-case signature this time.

So, let’s run this through the Narc Decoder and see what he’s really saying, shall we? A little entertainment on a slow Wednesday.

He was Up North launching his boat somewhere near Olympia, WA. I heard about it from a blurb on another blog – I didn’t go looking for the info 🙂 Seems he can manage just fine on his own – I wonder if he finally got a job?

Barb is the wife of one of the Narc’s oldest friends. The saddle was rusty and mildewed because the Narc would not allow me to keep it inside the house because all horse tack “has poop on it, no matter how well you say you clean it.” He said the same thing about the wool and bunny fluff, too. He resented anything “horsey” and bitched at me until I sold my horse. That saddle and a couple of bridles are all I had left after having horses for 20+ years.

Anyway. I’m sure Barb was “impressed” with my rusty, mildewed, Cordura Western saddle. When she tacks up her $10,000 Dressage horse with English (made in England because she only has the Best) gear, worth more than my CAR, yeah, I’m sure she thinks of my old saddle and is “impressed.” What a load! Sure, it’s probably good enough for “visitors,” but it ain’t anything special and anyone who looked at it would laugh at his absurd statement. And I’m supposed to drive up there to get it if I ever want it back? WTF?!? Whatever. If it gets used, that’s fine with me.

The more important message here is that he’s telling me he’s giving away my stuff and if I don’t come back soon it will all be gone. I told him when I left that he is free to use, give away or sell whatever I left behind. I meant it. Really. This is just another thinly veiled attempt to get me to communicate with him.

I think of you every minute of every day and hope you are doing well.

Miss you very, very much.

Yeah, right! I wonder what he thinks about? How good it felt when he made me cry? How much he enjoyed beating my dog? The joy of getting new stuff and not having to pay for it? How about two cooked meals a day? Opening the fridge and finding it stocked with all of his favorite foods? Does his miss having his laundry done, the house cleaned and the lawn mowed without him lifting a finger? Sex on demand?

Yeah. The truth is that he is doing whatever the fuck he wants to do, likely painting me as the villain in some Tale of Woe that he spreads among his “friends” and prospective victims and I really don’t care. There’s a picture of him sitting in a boat with a woman, head down to avoid the photographers, at the annual Boat Show, so maybe he’s found someone else to mistreat? I can only hope!

I do wonder if anyone asked about me and what he said if they did. I thought some of the people liked me well enough, but I could be wrong about that, too. Some of them are Nice People and it kinda sucks that I had to give up everything to get away from him, but there ya go – the victim loses again and again just to stay sane and healthy.


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33 responses to “One last chance?

  1. Twindaddy

    August 28, 2013 at 10:31 am

    Sorry. (hugs)

    • Sofia Leo

      August 28, 2013 at 10:43 am

      Thank you, Twindaddy. It’s just a minor irritation now, not something I take to heart. I just wish he would go away. Forever.

      • Twindaddy

        August 28, 2013 at 10:48 am

        Yeah, I know. I know that feeling….but I went and had children with mine…sigh.

      • Sofia Leo

        August 28, 2013 at 11:09 am

        Your path is a bit different than mine, but at least you have the consolation of some really great kids. Gotta eat the shit sandwich sometimes…

      • Twindaddy

        August 28, 2013 at 11:38 am

        I ordered a double…But, yes, the kids make it all worthwhile.

      • Sofia Leo

        August 28, 2013 at 12:06 pm

        They do!

  2. El Guapo

    August 28, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Be nice if he sent letters, so at least Sabu could crap on them or something useful like that.
    But then he’d have your address, so maybe not…

    • Sofia Leo

      August 28, 2013 at 10:45 am

      E-mail is better – I can mock and delete and he doesn’t have my address 🙂 I will have to change it soon with the DMV and I’m dreading it. My car registration is coming due so it will have to be done in order to ensure it doesn’t go to the Narc’s house. I need to ask who has access to the info in case the Narc ever decided to make a concerted effort to find me.

      Sabu is incapable of crapping on demand 🙂 That would be a nice thing to be able to predict, but I’m not holding my breath. Also, then I would have a piece of crappy paper to dispose of. Yuck! 🙂

      • Melanie

        August 28, 2013 at 1:34 pm

        Talk to the local DV coalition. Many states offer confidential addresses to victims of abuse. Once you’re accepted, the state (drivers license and car registration) are required by law to use the confidential address in place of your physical address (when I was in Missouri it was the Safe At Home program run by the Secretary of State’s office).

      • Sofia Leo

        August 28, 2013 at 3:03 pm

        Great idea! Thanks!

  3. untoldstory6

    August 28, 2013 at 10:57 am

    Gosh, he really doesn’t give up does he! But hey a little entertainment never hurt anyone. Hang in there one day lets hope he goes away!

    • Sofia Leo

      August 28, 2013 at 11:11 am

      He had a good thing going with me – why not toss out a few lines to see if he can reel me back in? He loses nothing and he might get lucky and not have to go in search of another victim. It’s so hard to be nice in the beginning, to pretend to be a person with feelings and emotions! I’m sure he would prefer the easy route, but it ain’t gonna happen!

  4. wepoetsshowit

    August 28, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I relate as you know! I love how you decode things now, you’re so on to them and their “charming” lies!

    • Sofia Leo

      August 28, 2013 at 11:12 am

      I see through the charm now! He’s an asshole. Always has been but it took me awhile to get the message 🙂

      • wepoetsshowit

        August 28, 2013 at 11:14 am

        The good thing is you see it. 🙂

  5. Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey

    August 28, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    What is interesting is that he says he misses you and thinks about you yet isn’t he in a relationship with Cunnung B? Hmnn……I think I would forward that email to Cunning B–I wonder what she would think of her guy sending you emails saying he misses you and thinks about you–Oh and that picture of him sitting in a boat with another women I would save picture as–grab it and send it to Cunning B as well. Nothing like creating a little triangulation in someone’s life. And Yes, I know there are those out there who would think this is a bad idea and maybe it is but I would do it anyway if I knew it would create a fight for him. And I have been known to do such things. As a matter of fact my sending information to the “wife” (yes I was the other woman) and him complaining about it to the girlfriend–yes you got that right is how she found my blog and dumped. Boy that really made me feel good. So I’m just saying why not have some wicked fun with that email? 😉

    • Sofia Leo

      August 28, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      LOL! No, Barb is the WIFE of one of the Narc’s friends – there’s nothing to see there 🙂 She wouldn’t have him, anyway. I don’t know who the woman at the boat show is, and it doesn’t really matter. Any distraction that takes the focus away from me would be a Good Thing.

      • Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey

        August 28, 2013 at 12:13 pm

        I would still forward his email to Cunning B, not Barb I’m sure she already gets his brand of crazy. At least that’s what the lil devil sitting on my left shoulder is whispering in my ear…the angel sitting on my right shoulder is just whistiling and looking away……..

      • Sofia Leo

        August 28, 2013 at 12:15 pm

        Ah! But I have no email address to send to…

      • Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey

        August 28, 2013 at 1:56 pm

        Oh, I thought she had sent you an email based on a post that you did. Are you sure her email did not appear in the header of that email exchange you posted about? I know I’m just bad some days. Maybe because my ex is in town doing a show it gets me a bit stirred up……

      • Sofia Leo

        August 28, 2013 at 3:04 pm

        Nope, you must be thinking of someone else 🙂 I haven’t gotten any messages from new or potential victims of the Narc.

  6. JackieP

    August 28, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    At least his emails are slowing down. Which is a good sign he has got someone else on the line. So soon it will trickle down even more. 🙂

    • Sofia Leo

      August 28, 2013 at 3:05 pm

      I can only hope. No mention if he realized I changed my phone number, though…

      • complicatedwaltz

        August 28, 2013 at 8:01 pm

        Speaking of phone numbers, I highly recommend “TrapCall.” For $4.95, I can blacklist phone numbers, so if a jerk is trying to call me, they get a “this number has been disconnected” message. It also unscrambles “blocked” numbers, so that doesn’t get by me, either!

      • Sofia Leo

        August 30, 2013 at 8:43 am

        Great idea, complicatedwaltz! I had no idea there was such a thing. Wish I’d known about it before I changed my number 🙂

  7. Jenny

    August 28, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    About the confidentiality program, by law people can not give out your address if you are in the program. My daughter was and still is in it for her protection

    • Sofia Leo

      August 30, 2013 at 8:42 am

      Good to know. I’ll look into how I can get into the program.

  8. Awana

    August 29, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    This is a sad post. Of course, he is giving your stuff away–that’s what they do–to trivialize your “things” and hurt you. It has happened to me, and it a painful thing to experience; not because of the stuff, but because of the very explanation you gave. Sigh….they just have to be the smartest one–the one who knows everything.

    • Sofia Leo

      August 30, 2013 at 8:44 am

      My stuff was never good enough for him anyway, so I’m not at all surprised. Whatever. I walked away from the Stuff and don’t regret a thing. Happiness feels so much better than a bunch of Stuff!

  9. Just Me With . . .

    August 30, 2013 at 6:41 am

    I love that you analyze the true meaning behind, at first glance, loving words. It must be so helpful to you and to all who read it. I wish I’d done it. When I was in the middle of the discarding stage (discard but maintain control) I used to get emails that would make me think I was crazy, and I didn’t share them. Isolation and gas lighting were in effect.

    After he left, saying he owed it to his mistress to give it a try, and I, his longtime wife and mother of his children, lost it, he emailed me to say he knew he gave me a lot to think about and that he’s there to talk if I needed it. I mean WTF? He wanted to leave, and was loyal (haha) to another, but he wanted me to still need him, and see him as a confidant. Imagine if he’d beat the shit out of me but offered to dress my wounds instead of letting me take my ass to the hospital? WTF?

    So thank you for sharing, it might help someone else say WTF?

    • Sofia Leo

      August 30, 2013 at 8:49 am

      He “owed it” to the OW to “give it a try?” But you were supposed to wait until he was sure it was working out with her before you totally wrote him off? WTF? He has some balls, eh? That sounds like Double Cake to me – he would truly have it all. Gaaaaahhhhhhh! Why can’t assholes like that be plagued by boils or something to mark them out?

      It wasn’t until I started to find the language for what was happening that I could really SEE what he was doing to me and that it was calculated and deliberate. It’s so important to get this message out there – if I was in the dark for so long, there must be others who could benefit from my mistakes and ignorance 🙂 Keeping us isolated and scared to share our stories allows them to control us longer, sometimes forever and I just can’t be silent if I think there’s anyone out there who could be helped by my words.

  10. C.K. Hope

    August 30, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    “all horse tack “has poop on it, no matter how well you say you clean it.” What? How does the horse poop on it? Does he know the saddle goes on their backs? *sigh* I’m so sorry. Mine finally gave up, I think only because he couldn’t use the kids as a reason anymore to randomly show up and spit venom in my face (they’re both in college now). I hope yours decides to give up soon. *hugs*

    • Sofia Leo

      August 30, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Here’s how he explained it:

      Horses poop wherever they are. People clean up the poop, but you can never get it all and some gets trampled into tiny particles that are carried on the breeze to every corner of the barn, pasture, tack room, etc. therefore everything that is anywhere near horses has poop on it, even if it’s microscopic. The fact that horses are vegan and don’t carry any diseases or parasites that can be passed to humans is irrelevant. He couldn’t have any “poop covered” objects inside the house.

      He COULD, however, forbid heat and air circulation in an uninsulated room until mildew took hold. I opened a box just the other day and the smell of his house came wafting out to piss me off all over again. I shouldn’t say it was the smell of the house – it was the smell of the uninsulated, unheated, mildew-infested room where I was allowed to store my “crap.” Asshole.


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