Oh, my aching back!

Seems it’s taking me a bit longer to get back into the Blogging Swing than I thought it would. Or maybe I’m just enjoying doing stuff in The Real World more than usual. It’s nice. Except for the sponge growing out of my couch, life is good.

I may have lost my mind, tho. You see, my back is sore today because I spent some hypnotically vague amount of time folding my shirts last night. Sounds insane, right? But it’s all connected, as you will see.

I’ve been very unhappy about the state of Towanda’s insides for awhile now. Most especially since The Kid moved in with me. There’s just too much clutter, too much Stuff, it’s total chaos and I have reached the end of my rope. I tossed a bunch of stuff but it still wasn’t enough. I feel like my skin’s on too tight but didn’t know quite why.

A few blogs I read have been touting this book –

I’ve never been one to “join” any sort of organizational method with any amount of ambition, but I bought the book for my Kindle and started reading. KonMari (as she likes to be called) has developed a system whereby her clients discard and then organize their possessions. “When your house is in order, wonderful things start to happen,” is my paraphrase of her main tenet, and anyone who knows me understands that I seriously need some forward motion right now.

Step one is to sort all clothing. ALL clothing. As in, gather every stitch of clothing in your entire house, including accessories, shoes and bags, and pile them in the middle of the floor. Then sort according to her method which amounts to, “if I were to see this in a shop today, would I buy it?” If the answer is “no,” out it goes. No second chances, no take-backs, no hesitation.

I’d already done a clothing purge a couple of months ago, putting all the Winter stuff into bins under the bed but I did it again with the warm weather clothes in the wardrobe. A surprising amount of things went out in a donation bag. I even purged some shoes! And I love my shoes…

KonMari recommends using shoe boxes inside drawers to organize clothing, hanging those things “that are happier to be hung up.” Having no drawers creates a bit of a dilemma, but I am Crafty and went out and bought some old wood drawers, painted them and added shelves inside. They stack inside the wardrobe and boxes sit on their shelves. Boxes that are now full of perfectly folded shirts and underthings. It.Is.A.Marvel. I kid you not.

However, this has led to a grim dissatisfaction with the state of the rest of my wardrobe. I may have lost my mind. I’m sitting at work and all I can think about are the bins of clothes under the bed and the state of the rest of the wardrobe. How many more pairs of shoes can I donate before I start to feel like I have “the perfect number?”

Where does this end? Should I keep track of how many bags (or pounds?) of crap I toss out the door?

The next catagory to de-clutter and organize is Books, followed by Papers (“just throw all of them away” is KonMari’s advice) komono (misc. stuff) and finally things that have sentimental value.

Books will be easy – now that I have a Kindle I don’t buy them any more and those that I have can be cheaply purchased on Kindle so long as I bought them on Amazon. There are a few that I will keep, but the vast majority will go. Papers will be even easier – it’s all crap and I’m eager to get it out of my space. Komono will be the longest process as I have a lot of things that would fall into this category.

Sigh. I really have lost my mind…

 

Has it really been two years?

Today marks my two year narc-free anniversary! At 11:45 AM on January 20, 2013 I drove away from the narc’s house with the last of the stuff I couldn’t live without. I was an emotional mess but determined to escape that asshole and live the life I’d always wanted for myself.

For those who are new, read last year’s synopsis here to get caught up. Ready? Okay.

I went NC with the narc about a year ago, changing my phone number and deleting my internet presence completely so he couldn’t stalk me. Oh, I hadn’t been communicating with him for months before that, but the occasional email still came through to irritate me all over again. Life has been so much more peaceful now that all communication has been cut off.

I look back and hardly believe that was my life. It’s inconceivable to me now that I allowed one person to control my every thought, my every movement. It’s almost like a bad dream, life has changed so much.

Sabu, Revy and I are still living in a 30′ travel trailer and I recommend this lifestyle to anyone who doesn’t think they can escape their abusive relationship because of financial issues or pets – I could not afford an apartment that would accept a 50-pound dog on wages from a part-time minimum wage job, but I could easily afford to buy a travel trailer and pay space rent in a nice RV park which enabled me to have my own private space and keep my dog. If I don’t like my neighbors, I simply hire a Dude with a truck and he will drag my home wherever I may want to go. I have the option of buying or renting my own truck and traveling until the land meets the sea whenever the whim may strike. I am not tied down by a rental contract or mortgage. I don’t have to do yard work or keep up with the neighbors and their new toys and gadgets. I am a modern-day gypsy who has chosen to stay in one place for awhile.

I have a great job that I love in an office full of truly Nice People. I don’t feel any stress over money and feel in control of my life in a way that I never would have believed possible. I have full autonomy. I have full say over the menu, thermostat, TV remotes, social events and ALL of the bed and blankets. I go where I want to go, see who I want to see and never even think of the consequences that used to be meted out if I stepped away from his line. Every day is a blessing and joy.

Back in July I posted that I no longer heard his voice in my head and what a relief it was. It took 1.5 years to drive his voice out of my head! If you haven’t been in an abusive relationship you have no idea how deeply the monsters sink their claws into your soul. This was a Big Deal and I quietly celebrated for a couple of weeks before deciding to step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there online as “single and looking.” I know, right? I haven’t talked about that here because if it turns out to be a disaster, well, this blogging thing is supposed to be all about the successes, right?

In some ways it’s gone well, in others it’s been the disappointment I thought it would be. There are a lot of freaks out there looking for NSA kinky sex and if that’s what I was looking for I’d have my pick of any number of Slimy Dudes, but that’s not really my thing. I’ve been told I want too much from a man. I have to shrug and think to myself, “yeah, it’s totally unreasonable to narrow my choices to men who are gainfully employed, own their own car, live in their own space (ie not with Mom,) don’t drink excessively, don’t use drugs, don’t have a huge pile of debt, aren’t already otherwise involved in relationships, don’t have small children at home (sorry if that sounds selfish, but I’m all done being Mommy, thankyouverymuch!) don’t need a Mommy or fixing in some other way and who can write and spell with something close to English grammar conventions.” I won’t be a doormat, slave, maid, cook or gardener with no return on my investment and I state that right up front. Ya ain’t gonna get free labor from me 🙂

I’ll admit it: I’m gonna be picky because I can. I am perfectly happy with my single life. It’s working for me. But I also want to know if I could “do” a relationship the way I hear it can be done. You know, where two people of opposite sex are great friends who get along and like some of the same things and respect each other. It’s just not the same with girlfriends and dammit I want it all!

Anyway. This is not the place to talk about all that stuff. Let’s just say that I’m still single, still enjoying my life and looking forward to another fantastic year.

I’ve been away from blogging for awhile because I haven’t had anything to say. Life with the narc seems so far away when I’m going about my day-to-day business as to seem irrelevant to who I am now. I’m not sure where I want this blog to go now. Suggestions? What do y’all want to hear about?

To all of you in abusive relationships: there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be brave. Throw off your shackles and walk into the light. It’s hard. It sucks. It’s scary. But it’s worth every hardship to live a life free of abuse.

Thank you all for joining me on this journey 🙂

 

 

 

And we’re back!

June was a busy month!

Sabu got her new Summer ‘do –

She was humiliated with the bows, but she’s sooooo much cooler now. A little razor burn has been bothering her, but today she’s doing much better. She looks so small! I need to get a new harness in a smaller size – I had no idea her fluff added so much to her girth!

Revy developed a new strange habit –

As if mauling anything made of rubber wasn’t bad enough, Revy found this (unfinished) blanket and has been dragging it around, chortling softly. He drags it into the kitchen, lays on it for a few seconds, drags it under the table, into his basket, etc. etc. etc. I have no idea what he’s thinking, but it’s strange to watch. I think he needs to get out more…

I ripped out half the carpet in Towanda and am thrilled with the results – you can read all about it over at Travels with Towanda. Awana and I have designated July RV Renovation Month.

The last alpaca was sheared on Thursday and it feels like I’ve been running ever since. Mo got a call from a woman who needs her five alpacas sheared and it looks like we’ll be taking our little show on the road.

Mom’s neighborhood yard sale is the second weekend in July and I hope to get pictures this time – it’s always a hoot.

July is shaping up to be a very busy month.

In news relevant to this blog, the narc (hereinafter referred to as Captain Bligh) is living the Good Life, sailing up to Canada with friends, where he will pick up his boat and spend a few weeks sailing around and having a wonderful time. How is that fair? Shouldn’t he be covered with boils or something?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled with my life right now, but it just doesn’t seem fair that he’s going on as if I never existed, all the lies he told me being proven by his very actions (I needed to give him more money, more time, more support for his hobbies.)

Maybe he’ll be lost at sea…

 

 

Monday Morning Madness

My eyes snapped open before the alarm this morning. I couldn’t breathe. My heart started to race as I tried to drag in some air around a huge obstruction. Raising my hands to my throat, I encountered a mass of fur that wasn’t there when I went to sleep. It felt like a hairy snake and immediately began to purr. Seems Revy decided to sleep across my neck, sprawled out with his belly resting right on top of my windpipe.

This shouldn’t have been possible, seeing as how I’m normally a side sleeper, but obviously the new bed is comfortable enough that I turn onto my back at the same hour Revy decides to start his wake-up routine. Threat of suffocation is, evidently, the latest in a long line of tactics designed to steal my sleep and get kibble into his bowl in the least amount of time. Guess this means I better not drink before bed or maybe I won’t wake up in the morning.

Spring is in the air and it was a very busy weekend. Thursday, Friday and Saturday saw me awake at 0530. Wide awake and listening to the birds outside. Revy is beside himself with joy. Apparently, his training methods are finally paying off and breakfast is being served on time.

I sewed up a bed for the dog, low in the center with a soft, raised edge, something I thought I could use as a training tool to make her be still instead of barking and having a fit when someone approaches the trailer. You know, train her to act like a Real Dog? As you can see, it was not received as planned:

Revy finds it perfect – a fort to defend against canine insurgents, a bathing platform and soft bed to sprawl upon after racing around like a maniac. The dog has been exiled to whatever small space she can find:

The good news is that the furniture is finally arranged to my liking and the silver insulation has been removed from the windows, letting in the beautiful Spring sunshine. Of course, the brisk Spring breezes now have easier access, but one has to take the good with the not-so-good, no?

 

 

Another Busy Weekend

Is there any other kind?

Awana came over and I instantly commandeered her van to haul a new mattress and “bunky board” back to Towanda so I can at last have a Real Bed! I haven’t slept in it yet because surely poor Awana deserved that pleasure more than I did – I ask her to come over for a little R & R and then proceed to drag her all over the county for my own ends. The project is finished and I’m quite happy, though. I also rewarded her with many episodes of Dexter and lots of tea and knitting time, so I hope it wasn’t too bad 🙂

More projects to come!

Sabu and I went to the dog park on Friday between work and knitting class and found it flooded. She went for a swim and had a great time. Awana and I went back yesterday and conditions hadn’t changed:

The park slopes down 3 or 4 feet towards the fence, leaving maybe 2/3 of it high and dry. On Friday there were geese swimming here. Inspired by having an audience of two, Sabu began to wade out towards the fence:

Getting her knees wet didn’t seem impressive enough, so she kept going:

And kept going:

And finally found herself unable to touch bottom:

If you’re guessing that I waded in to save my stupid dog from her folly, you would be wrong – it was cold and starting to rain. I walked away and she remembered she knows how to swim. She wasn’t happy about it, but what choice did she have?

Towanda smells like wet dog, but we all survived. Sabu is due at the dog groomer’s tomorrow and now the groomer will have to earn her fee 🙂

 

And it just keeps coming…

I called the office yesterday and told them I wasn’t coming in – the roads were just too dangerous and the sidewalks weren’t much better, what with the crazy drivers sliding all over the place. I am so thankful I park off the street! The final tally from yesterday:

Maybe another half inch fell before it stopped for the night. The freezing rain started yesterday about 4 PM and now there’s a 1/2″ crust of ice over everything. Fun times!

Revy is not at all bothered by the snow, being an inside cat. In fact, I think he rather enjoys the fact that it’s so light outside, even at night. He spends hours in his perch looking out the back window:

The ducks are still around, although they aren’t walking to and fro as usual. The pond has a layer of ice on it but isn’t frozen like it was during the last Arctic Episode:

It’s been a very quiet weekend. I made spaghetti sauce and cup after cup of tea while watching “Bones” on Netflix. How did I not know about this show? Haven’t gotten to the vacuuming yet, but have been working on a knitting project. The sound of icicles falling off the trailer is a little startling still.

Sabu is having a terrible day. She LOVES the snow but this ice thing is just not her idea of a good time. She’s heavy enough that she falls through the crust and she refuses to poop on top of the snow/ice. Finally found a sheltered spot under a tree and now she’s napping. This was the scene yesterday:

I took her outside while I shoveled snow off the patio and this was her reaction to me telling her it was time to come back inside. A light snow was falling, she had ice balls in her feet and lower legs, but she wanted to stay outside anyway. Silly dog. Felt like shit making her come inside, but what could I do?

All is well, warmer temps are on the way and this will all be gone by Monday, I’m sure.

How’s your weekend going? Have any weather-related tales to tell?

 

Snow Day :-)

The weathertards have been predicting today’s “weather event” for almost a week. Everyone with any sort of connection to the outside world knew that frigid temps with moisture would be moving into the area the latter part of this week, most likely Thursday. The news has been blasted on radio, TV, social media and a million other online sources.

Right this moment a local “news” reporter is interviewing a Darwin award contender who is wearing a thin coat and has no gloves or hat, shivering at a very crowded bus stop while waiting for his ride home. Dude is clueless. Really? The reporter asked him if he expected “this” when he left home this morning. Dude says, “No. Not at all…” Srsly? At least he’s not driving!

Even if you spent the last week in a media blackout, not speaking to anyone at all, away from all places where people gather, one step outside should have warned you that something was afoot. The freezing of your nose hairs, the lowering steel gray sky, the absence of heavy traffic where once there was a jam, the lack of birds in the sky, something!

The snow had started and a scant inch was on the ground when I left for work this morning. The difference between me and That Guy? I knew my work day would be cut short and I went prepared for pretty much anything.

I would have stayed home but The Boss got back from his Hawaiian vacation today and I knew it would be a good idea to check in with him and make sure my projects were running smoothly. All is well and I joked with him at about 0800, asking how much snow had to be on the ground before he sent us all home. “Whenever you feel uncomfortable about staying…” was his answer. Okie-dokie! I am Miss Dedication today! He called the game by 1115 🙂 Even if he hadn’t, I could have abandoned my car to the tweakers and walked home.

Note to my co-worker who should know better: Dude. Get some chains for your car or stay home.

Being of above average intelligence (obviously) I went to the grocery store last night, before the snow started to fly, and stocked up on perishables so I wouldn’t need to leave Towanda at all should staying in become necessary. I’ve got rum, pepsi, chocolate and assorted other foodstuffs that are healthier. Let it snow! I’m ready.

If the office is closed tomorrow I will stay home and cook up a pot of spaghetti sauce and finally get the vacuuming done. Mo told me Wednesday she will not be opening the yarn shop Friday or Saturday so there’s no good reason for me to go over to the Studio. She lives quite a ways out of town and at a higher elevation – her alpacas will need her if their water freezes up.

Sabu is over the moon with all the white stuff, capering about like a puppy, getting snowballs in her feet and refusing to shake off the flakes until she gets inside. No matter – the dehumidifier is running and all is well.

The outside temp is 20* F at the  moment and falling. A light snow is falling from a surprisingly light sky. The one thing I love about a good snowfall is how it lights up everything, even at night. It’s quite pretty, actually. I may change my mind about the beauty if the water pipes freeze up, however. The furnace is set at 60* (Awana just shivered 🙂 Being from Mississippi she does not handle this kind of cold well) and it’s warm enough inside, sitting on the couch under the newest quilt with a cup of tea, waiting for Under the Gunn to come on. Life is good!

Be warm and be well, everyone!

 

A little slice of life ’round here

Getting used to the “new” camera. Strange that it can shoot video in low light but not stills, but that’s a post for another day. This is what the evenings look like around here –

After they’re done wrestling I go around and pick up all the stuff they knocked down. Sigh. It’s a bit wearing, but it’s also a lot of fun to watch. They’re the very best of friends and I wish they could go outside together to really rip it up.

Today marks my one year anniversary! At 11:45 AM on January 20, 2013 I drove away from the narc’s house with the last of the stuff I couldn’t live without. I have lived one year under my own roof without the influence of the narc on my everyday routine. The video above would not have been possible while living with the narc, as joy was not permitted unless it was his own.

So many wonderful things have happened over the past year and I have been so blessed in every way. The narc was truly a millstone around my neck, holding me back from using my full potential to create the life that would enable me to be happy and fulfilled.

To all of you in abusive relationships: there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be brave. Throw off your shackles and walk into the light. It’s hard. It sucks. It’s scary. But it’s worth every hardship to live a life free of abuse.

Life is good! 27 irons in the fire, all of them glowing brightly, lighting my path to happiness. Thank you all for joining me on this journey 🙂

 

Existential Crisis?

Every morning Revy and I have a routine. I take a shower. I open the door and grab a towel to dry off before getting out of the shower.* As soon as the door is open, Revy bounds in and sits between my legs, one paw on one of my feet. He sits there, very still, until I finish with the towel and step out. And then he does this:

He sits and stares at the North facing wall of the shower. Sometimes for an hour. When he comes out, he’s wet from the shower floor, but very cheerful and wanting to be petted.

Is he getting orders from outer space? Communing with the water droplets? Hearing noises in the wall? I just don’t get it…

* Getting as dry as possible inside the shower stall is the best way to avoid wet spots on the floor later. As you can see, the bath mat is covered with catnip – not fun to brush off before putting on socks and since no one but me seems to think using the vacuum is a good idea, it just makes more work. The basket was intended for hanging storage, but Revy fell in love at first sight and now he’s busily tearing it apart, one little shred of willow at a time.

 

Dry, Frozen Wasteland

Pretty, no?

Here we are at Monday again. The pond at the park is frozen over. The ducks have moved elsewhere. The squirrels are capering about like maniacs, making any walking with Sabu a tug-of-war adventure. All doors but the front passenger door on my car are frozen shut.

Friday I did not leave the water dripping when I went to work. I would only be gone 5 hours or so and I was worried that the drain would freeze and I’d come home to water all over the floor. Big mistake. The water line to the kitchen froze, but it was fine as there was still water to the bath sink and toilet. Not HOT water because the hot water tank is up by the kitchen sink, but it was water.

I awoke Saturday morning because I was cold. Had Mr. Right Toasty deserted me? Were we to have only three nights of blissful slumber before he failed? Do I still have the receipt to return him to the store? I was sorely disappointed because I thought it was True Love between us – he would get plugged in at bedtime and keep me warm and happy all night long and in return I would care for him, carefully folding him and storing his cord in a safe place until it was time for him to do his job again.

Before I started to cry at the injustice of it all, I realized my nose was cold. Ears, too. Mr. Right Toasty doesn’t warm those parts, and now that I thought about it, the furnace wasn’t coming on. Shit! Ran out of propane. Sigh.

No worries – the nearest place to purchase propane is less than half a mile away and even if my car wouldn’t start, I could load a tank onto my hand truck and walk that far. It wouldn’t be fun, but it could be done. Checked the outside temp. 17* F. Inside temp? 42* F. Not good. I’m really, really, OVER Winter already!

There was some drama after filling the propane tanks, but it all turned out well in the end.

The water situation, however, remains dire. It’s a long story that I posted over on Travels with Towanda.

The Crazy Knitting Project continues, although the going is slower than I had hoped. I don’t think I’ll make the deadline. All this Winter Crap is just exhausting.

Work is slow today, for which I am thankful as I spent the night only half sleeping, listening to the furnace cycle on and off and the various creaks and moans of the trailer as it slowly turns into a block of ice. If everything thaws without incident it will be a miracle. As it is, there are some areas that will have to be attended to ASAP because I think I have a couple of leaks. Sigh. I wanted adventure, right? I tell ya, I did not plan on freezing my ass off this Winter, wondering when the floor was finally going to fall through the forward slide.

Fun times!