…and that is a wonderful thing!
Today marks three years narc-free! In some ways it’s been the best year of my adult life, in some ways not so good, but I’m still here, still kicking ass and taking names. Thank you all for continuing to read my little stories.
While I had hoped to have my life more settled in some ways, having The Kid living with me has put a serious crimp in my plans because I don’t trust him not to do something stupid. He hasn’t had a relapse in awhile, but he still refuses to attend any AA meetings or seek counseling in any form. He spends his evenings on my couch* looking at his phone, typing away (this brings back unpleasant memories for me!) and giving minimal answers to my questions unless I get really annoying and start pestering him.
He does not have a job or, as far as I can tell, any prospects, either. I am slowly losing my shit. Short of going out and finding him a job myself, I don’t know what to do. I may get angry again when the weather gets warmer and just kick him out into the street because his apathy is unacceptable. He does not seem depressed, just inert.
On a “good” note, I’ve taken to calling him Juan the Houseboy because he has become fairly consistent with chores. I clean my bedroom, but he takes care of pretty much everything else, which is nice, but not worth having his brooding presence on my couch 24/7. Kinda thought the new nickname would shame him, but he seems confused more than anything. Sigh. Awana says he’s the Dysfunctional Man I can’t seem to escape for long. That hurt a little, but she’s totally right.
In other news, I have reached the State of Meh regarding the narc. The Boy is long gone – prison for the next 20 years, likely** – I know how to pick ’em! Work is good. My creative energy is returning after being on hold to deal with The Kid’s crisis. I’ve joined the local Arts Guild and have put some of my creations in their Store where I work one shift a week and do a bunch of online stuff for them.
One thing I didn’t think would happen is that I’ve been sharing my story with people. I’m fascinated with their reaction and the floodgates my story sometimes opens about their own life. I’ve met a few very interesting people through the Guild and some online connections and find myself eager to write again. Maybe edit my book, maybe start a new one. Inspiration is around every corner and I want to throw it back like a Margarita on a hot day.
One thing that has become abundantly clear is that I do not belong in this Small Town. The people who interest me are from Away or live in much more liberal cities, causing me to start to wonder about relocating to get a little more Culture into my life. I refuse to do anything while The Kid is living with me, however – I am not gonna be that Mama who says, “My son still lives with me. He’s 45…” even if I have to put him out on his ass. Mama needs some Alone Time! Mama needs to be around Grown-Ups! Mama may just do something desperate…
Anyway. Sabu is still a Bad Dog. The cat is still an asshole. The Other Boss is retiring at the end of the year, signaling the end of an era – he’s been like a Guardian Angel for me where work is concerned and I’ll miss the extra income. Everything changes but everything stays the same.
Melissa from the court case that should never have happened contacted me a few weeks ago. She’d just gotten out of rehab and has moved in with long-time family friends and is doing well. She wanted to thank me for testifying on her behalf and we became friends on FB. Her posts show her in good health, taking it day by day. I wish her all the luck in the world and hope her life becomes all she wants it to be.
I do find myself with one regret this year – that I shared this blog with some people I know IRL. That’s a terrible thing to say, but I have censored posts and not posted some parts of my struggle just to avoid conflict in my Real Life and I don’t like that one bit. I started out here anon and back when my anger was hot as a thousand fiery suns I wanted to shout from the rooftops and didn’t care who knew, but it’s caused some problems I never expected and now I feel like I have to mind my words and it’s killing my Blog Mojo. I’ve done what I always do in this situation – started another blog. Or maybe three. I’m becoming fractured again in some ways, but I need to write it all out or lose my mind, and I can’t do that here.
* I was talking with one of the gals at work about dogs being on the couch and another co-worker suggested a “scat mat” and I found myself wondering aloud if it would work on people…Go ahead and think it – I’m a terrible person. I won’t hold it against you 🙂
** No, being with me and landing in prison are not connected!