Monthly Archives: June 2013

Faith in humanity confirmed

Last night I went over to a friend’s house to play fiddles and chat. The weather has turned warm here, but the evening wasn’t all that hot. I rolled the windows half-way down on the car and was going to leave Sabu there (she doesn’t get along with Kerrie’s dog) for the hour or so I expected to stay.

Kerrie insisted that Sabu would be happier in her back yard behind a wood fence. I knew otherwise, but she insisted and so Sabu was exiled behind the fence where she couldn’t see me or anything else.

I took my purse into the house, but not my everyday bag – I left it on the floor of the passenger side front seat.

Yeah. I came out an hour later (after hearing Sabu barking at something) and the bag was gone. The only thing of value was my camera, but no pictures were on it ’cause that’s not how I roll. My planner (no critical personal info in there, just a cell phone number) a lovely little journal that I had been writing all of the Good Stuff in, some odds and ends that I like to have with me, nothing that can’t be replaced.

Also in the bag was my checkbook and 20-odd checks. Do you know how hard it is to deal with a stolen checkbook? I called the bank’s after hours line to see if I could get the checks cancelled, or at least flagged so they couldn’t be used, and was told that the computer was down and they couldn’t help me right now – call back in an hour. I called again this morning, but since the credit union was not yet open, they couldn’t help me. I called a third time and was told that I will have to close my account, open a new account and inform everyone about the change – I pay several bills online and some of those are auto-withdrawals, so you can see where this is going.

Not only do I have to go to the bank on a day when I have no extra time and close out my account (I finally memorized the number, fercryinoutloud!) and blah, blah, blah, just because some tweaker saw an opportunity. I spoke with the police and filed a theft report, but you and I both know that as soon as that asshole saw the bag had no value it went into a dumpster somewhere, it’s contents never to be seen again.

First I’m violated, and then punished. I’m kicking myself for not rolling up the windows and locking the doors like a good paranoid citizen. My car has been broken into three times while living in this town and I’m just grateful they didn’t break the window this time. How sick is that? I can’t go about my daily business and leave anything in my car for fear of it being stolen and/or my windows smashed.

Right, right – it’s my own fault for thinking that a car parked directly in front of a house in a nice neighborhood won’t get jacked for a worthless bunch of sentimental stuff.

People suck. Tweakers should burn in hell. Thieves, too.


Posted by on June 28, 2013 in Stuff that Pisses Me Off!



Time for a little change…

Today, despite the fact that it’s raining outside, I feel a dark cloud lifting off my shoulders. Time for a little more color on this here blog. I hope you like the new theme.

No new messages on my phone and I’m almost ready to believe there won’t ever be. I am done. Moving on.

I’ve been napping quite a lot lately. The naps are deep and refreshing. My dreams at night are strange and keep me from feeling really rested. Not nightmares, but surreal trips through some other Universe. Maybe I’ve been reading too much J.A. Konrath?

Sabu and I spent last evening with the door open, listening to the rain while I tuned instruments and practiced forward rolls on Pearl the banjo. The park is so quiet it’s like we’re the only tame creatures in the world. The breeze through the leaves of the maple tree, the sound of raindrops on the awning, the occasional call of the resident ducks, a dog barking in the distance and nothing else. Pure peace.

Life is good!


Posted by on June 25, 2013 in Digging Out, I totally Rock!, Music, RV Living


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I am a responsible person

My cell phone rang at 8:22 this morning. I didn’t answer it. The call came from Chuck, a friend of the Narc’s who he does boat work for. I’m guessing that the Narc’s cell phone quit working this morning because I did  not pay his bill and he borrowed Chuck’s phone to call and complain/lecture me about it.

I set “Chuck’s” ringtone to “none,” along with everyone else’s that the Narc might use. I will not be taking calls from numbers that I don’t recognize.

I will admit to a low-level anxiety in my gut that the Narc might start calling around and end up calling my new/old office. If that happens I will be forced to reveal more about my life than I care to at work and I hope they are understanding.

Or maybe the Narc will remain cowardly and just start up a smear campaign amongst the people he called “our” friends. Time will tell.

I will remain silent unless he starts harassing me at work. If he does, I will take legal action to keep him away from me.

The hardest part about this particular letting go is that I am a responsible person – I pay my bills on time and in full. He and I had a deal (read the comments on that post,) but he broke so many deals over the last 10 years and I know intellectually I owe him nothing, but my conscience continues to bleat that it’s not right to just drop out of sight like I have – responsible people give others at least a little warning, right?

On the other hand, he “forgot” to pay the property taxes, I paid for his credit card charges for new tires for his truck, his boat moorage and registration fees, $600+ a month for 3.5 years, and on and on and he still thinks I owe him!

Okay, I’m pissed again – crisis of conscience averted 🙂 Back to the Star Trek marathon (I’m starting with the original on Netflix and will continue through each series until the end, just because I have never watched them all in order) and then off to Albany to take a look at a fiddle that was advertised on Craigslist for cheap – if it is what the seller thinks it is I will be getting a bargain, but if it’s not what he thinks it is I will leave without it. More on that later if I bring it home…


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A Tune for Friday

All over the place today, just like Alanis –


Posted by on June 21, 2013 in Music



Is this really my life?

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments on my last post – you confirmed what I already knew and my decision has been made. But first, let me describe to you my Wednesday.

I got up, walked the dog and went to work. I was invited to join The Guys for lunch today – a “time to talk outside the office,” I was told. I accepted without a thought because my lunch time is my own and I won’t have to explain to anyone where/why/what was said. There is no Narc to report back to. I will not be grilled about it for hours later tonight and I can say whatever I want without first running it through the Narc Filter for approval.

After work I went over to a friend’s house where I shared a meal with her, her husband, three kids and one of their friends who was spending the night. We talked, we laughed, we played fiddles! At no time did I feel the need to censor myself (no cuss words while the kids were at table, but that goes without saying, right?) or embarrass myself backpedaling because the Narc would hear about something I said and chastise me later. I did not worry about the time or what I would have to do to “make it up to” the Narc when I got home. I felt at home and at ease. These people are easy to like, very casual and their home is open to everyone who stops by. I felt truly blessed to be a part of so simple a thing as an evening meal and some (not at all good) music. She’s learning the fiddle, I haven’t practiced in weeks, we don’t know any of the same songs, but we had fun and stopped before her husband’s ears started to bleed 🙂

Sabu and I headed back to Towanda where I returned a missed call to Awana. We talked and laughed for over an hour and it was wonderful! I didn’t have to lower my voice for fear the Narc was listening and would question me later. I did not censor myself in any way and it felt like a subversive act.

For those of you who have never been in an abusive relationship, this sounds crazy, right? I mean, I’m 44 years old and I can’t have dinner with friends? Can’t have a phone conversation without thinking about every word? Come on! This is 2013, not 1513, right?

Last year about this time I wrote a post about gifts and their consequences. I am very happy to say that only a year later my life is so much better. I’m having trouble believing it’s real.

Today I blocked the Narc from my e-mail account. I can’t block his calls to my cell phone because my carrier (StraightTalk) does not offer that service, so I set “his” ringtone to “none.” He is blocked from my FB account. I took him off the live feed of my other blogs (he was only on there because he insisted he had be) and will block his IP address ASAP. He does not know about this blog, nor do any people that we both know.

It means leaving the rabbits behind, and I truly regret that, but in the end it’s them or me. He will give them away (if he hasn’t already) or take care of them (he’s perfectly capable and it would give him something to bitch to other people about) and they will live out their lives just fine. I will not be paying his cell phone bill on Sunday – he can figure out that he’s out of time, or not, for himself. I already told him months ago that he is welcome to use, sell or give away any of the things I left behind. There are a few things I would have liked to save, but I’m over it now.

I am done. Really. Finally. I don’t owe him any explanations or discussion. I owe him nothing. He showed me just how evil a person can be and that’s a hard lesson I did not learn quickly. He gave me the impetus to start a journey of self discovery that I am truly relishing. His abuse got me off my ass and moving forward. Because he abused me in so many ways, my natural empathy has been re-awakened and I hope to be able to do some good in this world for those who suffer as I suffered. He taught me that every kind thing I did for him would be turned against me. He showed me how a person can lie and lie and lie and not feel a thing.

I have officially gone No Contact.

So, that’s that. I don’t know how much more I’ll write about him and our relationship here. When does it become “beating a dead horse?”


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A Dilemma

I have heard nothing from the Narc since June 6 when he left a message for me that I did not return. I saw him last on May 30 when I went out to check Snowball’s butt and he was all fake-crying as he said goodbye after I refused to stay for tea.

“I was only trying to be polite…” he said. “Goodbye…”

Not long after I left I agreed to pay his cell phone bill in exchange for him feeding and watering the rabbits. His bill is due on Sunday.

My question is this: do I go ahead and pay his bill and act like everything is the same, call or e-mail to see if the rabbits need food and arrange to deliver it per our agreement and see what happens from there, or just act like he (and the rabbits) no longer exist?

He has no idea that I’m not still in Newport and I don’t feel that he has any right to know where I live or work, but it’s sure to come up when I can only deliver on the weekend…


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Five Free Hours

At the end of the day Wednesday The Boss promised to have a bunch of stuff red-lined for me to work on Thursday as he was going “out in the field” all day with The Other Boss. Okie-dokie.

I arrived at work and there was one little sheet on my desk. “Need a plan & profile sheet for this job.” Uh-huh. It’s a tiny little job and would take about 30 minutes to complete. Crap. I like the money they pay me, but I hate sitting around doing nothing*.

As I was contemplating how to fill the rest of the day, The Boss called on the phone (there is no extension at my desk – are they trying to tell me something?) and when I expressed my dismay at not having a full day’s worth of work he said that he was totally okay with me working on projects for The Other Boss in the office, so long as I wasn’t double billing, heh, heh, heh. As if, but I know he was joking. Considering what happened with the guy they had to fire, I understand it’s a valid concern.

I told him that I didn’t have any other work, but if he didn’t have anything for me, I would be happy to go home and take a nap. He was surprised by that, but I’ve been living on part-time minimum wage money for four years and doing just fine – one afternoon off is not going to blow my budget!

He said that between him and TOB they were committed to giving me full-time work. That will not happen this month and I know it. There are a couple of large projects coming in, but it won’t be until late this month or early next month and then I won’t have a minute to breathe, so taking a few hours now is a Smart Move. I think he was relieved that I understand that the company can’t afford to pay me for sitting around and that I’m willing to go home if I’m not needed. I’ll be writing my own ticket before you know it 🙂

So I left at noon and found myself with five “free” hours. A gentle rain was falling outside, so no one was around (maybe the folks in the trailerhood aren’t waterproof?) if I wanted to be outside. But, oh, a nap would be so lovely!

And so I did. Take a nap that is. Three full hours in the afternoon on a Thursday. Know what? It felt good! It felt so good that I want to make it a Regular Thing.

After our refreshing sleep, Sabu and I went walking and ran into another resident that we hadn’t yet met, Noreen and her dog Boo Boo. She informed me that we are allowed to let our dogs loose in the mule pasture so long as they won’t chase the mules. Well, huh! Cool! Off we went.

Two white mules were grazing at the far end of the pasture – I missed them when I was looking the other day because the pasture is much larger than I thought and I didn’t look around that big tree. As far as I know, Sabu has not been loose around livestock, so I had no idea how she would react. They shoot dogs ’round here for chasing livestock, but there’s only one way to find out if she’s a chaser.

The dogs were eager to play so we let them loose and they started running and acting like idiots right away, pals for life now. And then Sabu spied the mules over there. She took off like a shot, right for them. These are experienced mules who do not tolerate any crap from any dog, and they responded as you would expect to her attempts to herd them – they tried to take her head off with their hooves.

Oh, what fun! Luckily Sabu is very quick on her feet. Unluckily she was rather slow to pick up that these mules were serious about doing her harm. They actually ganged up on her and might have done for her if I hadn’t run up swinging her leash to distract them long enough to get that stupid dog to run back towards the gate. The mules followed pretty closely to be sure we left their domain. Scary smart creatures, mules. Hank and Henrietta are their names. I plan to go out without Crazy Dog and make friends another day.

Boo Boo was confused as to why Sabu would want to chase those mean mules when she could play with him, and being a smart guy, he did not even attempt to join in her moment of insanity.

No one was harmed and my heart rate returned to normal. Noreen and I will take the dogs to the dog park next time.

An hour of “free” time left and the vacuum came out. Exciting, I know!

It just feels really nice to be able to do some things that have fallen by the wayside for lack of time. It’s nice to feel rested at last.

Life is good!

* I’m good at my job. Fantastic, even. I regularly perform CAD miracles when someone else blows a deadline, or is about to. They can count on me to take care of things when no one else can. I have never met a drafter who can draw as fast as I can. I don’t say that to brag, it’s a true fact, and I have a theory as to why – it’s a good job that no one wants to lose, so they pad their hours, make it look difficult, lie about how fast something can be done and otherwise deceive The Boss to make their lives as cushy as possible. At three different companies I had to leave because the blatant wasting of time made me crazy and because when the bosses figured out that I was the fastest drafter, they insisted on using me and that caused some serious problems with the other drafters and well, I just can’t keep my mouth shut about that shit. I was even asked by one Boss to find ways the company could save time, paper and redundant mistakes. I found plenty of crap that should not have been going on. The other employees began a smear campaign – their theory was that since I was just one person and they were more, it made sense to train me in their methods as it would be quicker. They had it all worked out and were not willing to give up any of their (false) hours.  Sigh. It’s a huge problem. You might have guessed by now that I don’t do Office Politics 🙂


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Playing Hooky

Totally remiss in not getting this posted sooner, I know. No apologies – I’m busy and couldn’t be happier about that. I’ll likely refer back to this weekend often in the near future because it won’t all fit into one post. No pics today, but here’s another promise that I’ll get to it when I get to it 🙂 There are pics on the latest Travels with Towanda post if you find posts with only words too boring.

Okay. I work 7:30 – 5:00 with a half hour lunch* M-Th and 7:30 – Noon on Friday at the new/old job, making Friday afternoons perfect for traveling.

Friday dawned hot and sunny. Sabu and I left the office around noon, had a quick lunch and were on the road by 1:30, headed North and East. As I drove out of town I could hear M’s voice in my head. Not his voice exactly, but I could feel his disapproval at what I was doing and where I was going. The fact that I didn’t respond to his voice mail nagged at me, knowing that he disapproved and there would be consequences sooner or later. Thoughts of his arguments against spending the weekend at Mom’s ran through my head and I found myself feeling apprehensive about the whole trip.

Knowing that it was all just left-over bullshit, I tried to tune it out. It took about 30 miles to shake him off and start to look forward to my destination and the adventures that awaited. It pisses me off that he is still in my head, if not ultimately making me decide NOT to do things, at least nagging at me about so many things. The poison is not totally out of my system, it seems.

The first stop was Camping World to pick up some things for Towanda. I spent too much money, but there are things one must have to keep all systems functioning as they should in a travel trailer. Detailed post on that another day.

We arrived in my home town, Hood River, later than intended, but safe and sound. The weekend was wonderful, filled with laughter and good times with people who “get” me. Or if they don’t, they are kind enough to just shrug and think to themselves, “well, she is family…” 🙂

The weather was perfect – dry, sunny and warm enough for me to wear a short-sleeved t-shirt. Oh, sure, some people were complaining about how hot it was, but like a lizard, I was soaking it all up!

We went yard saling, ate outside on the deck and drove around town, stopping wherever we liked. It was perfect!

Many thanks to Mom who sent me off with a car full of Good Stuff for Towanda’s decor and maintenance. I’ll be back soon 🙂

* Half an hour for lunch is not enough time to eat AND walk the dog. It’s not enough time to run even one errand. I kinda resent that, but if they don’t need me in the office full time, well, I plan on changing up my schedule if The Boss will allow, and it sounds like he will after a short phone conversation this morning. Oh, I am writing my own ticket now, but that’s another post…


Posted by on June 13, 2013 in Digging Out, Family


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Music on Monday

Had a great weekend. Too sleepy at work to write a real post, so here’s The Band Perry expressing my current frame of mind.


Posted by on June 10, 2013 in Music, Narcissist


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Another phone call…

The Narc called me this morning. I hit the “ignore” button and let it go to voice mail. I think I will rename this button “the Narc button” because it is so handy at turning off his voice 🙂

He was calling because it is Thursday and he so wants this to be Our Day and to tell me that Snowball needs her butt cleaned. He’s on his own this week, but I won’t call to tell him that. Seems that I didn’t get his voice mail – stupid phone! I’ll probably “get” the message some time next week.

In the mean time, I will be traveling to spend the weekend with Mom in my home town, soaking up more sunshine and taking a look around to see what’s changed since the last time I was there, about 8 years ago! M thought the trip was too long and he “can’t sleep in a strange house.” Whatever. He is perfectly happy to drive even farther into Washington for his Boat Shit and sleep in a tent or a stranger’s house or with friends, and I was expected to adapt as we went, but we could not visit my family.

The owners of the park keep a couple of pack mules for hunting (although I don’t see these old guys traipsing thru the woods carrying heavy rifles, but what do I know?) so there’s a barn on the property and Sabu and I are off to check it out. Maybe there’s an extra stall where a couple of rabbit cages can be hung and I can sever all ties with the Narc for good…

UPDATE:  No sign of mules, but I can smell the sweet scent of horse manure and it makes me smile. It’s been over four years since I was on the back of a horse and I miss it. Maybe they bring the mules in for only a few days during hunting season? The grass is too tall for anything to be eating it down, but I couldn’t see all of the pasture. The shed was closed up tight and I didn’t want to pry – I’ll have to make a point of wandering over tomorrow after I get off work at noon.

BONUS! Just turned on the AC unit for the first time and it’s blowing cold air! Shouldn’t take long to cool Towanda off inside to outside temps.

Life is good!


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