Category Archives: Escape Plans

One Year Ago Part Four

A year ago I was posting about how I hate curry (one of the top posts on this here blog, strangely enough) and pissed off at the narc’s efforts to pry every penny he could out of my bleeding corpse.

I was fighting the narc’s indoctrination, the voice in my head that dictated my every move based on what would or would not please the narc on any given day. He was making preparations to go work on his boat, leaving me alone for a few days and I had planned my escape. I was tied in knots, anxious not about my escape plan, but about how he would react and the possible consequences.

That Thursday, Awana and I traveled over to The Valley and found my home and had her hauled back to The Coast where I set about making modifications and moving in. The narc was due to be back some time between Sunday and Wednesday, but I knew it would be sooner because he was always hoping to catch me doing something he didn’t approve of, and that was pretty much everything.

Everything that could be fit into Awana’s van and my car was moved out of the narc’s house on January 20, 2013 and of course the narc had to try to make a scene when he came home to find my Fuck You note, but I handled it okay and was able to spend my first night in my very own space with not too much stress. I didn’t die or have a heart attack or have to explain a nasty public scene or any of the other horrible things the narc had trained me to worry about.

So much has happened in the past year, and all of it has been good. Or at least a Learning Experience πŸ™‚ No catastrophes, I’m not living under a bridge or starving or in some kind of danger as the narc told me would happen if I ever didn’t have him to “carry” me through life. I have a good job, a warm place to live where everything is just the way I like it, I eat what I want, watch TV, spin & knit, go to the dog park, anything I want to do, any time I want to do it. I can talk on the phone with anyone I choose to with no interrogation afterwards. If a friend invites me out to do something I can go with no worries about narc consequences. I can visit friends and family at any time, even staying overnight with no worries that I’ll have to pay a price when I get home. No one is forcing me to eat or do anything that makes me unhappy. No one is laying guilt trips on me or beating me with words or denying me basic comforts like heat in the Winter. No one is beating my dog or threatening me.

I woke up today (again) with an indescribable feeling of unreality. As I looked around the dim room (it was not even 0630, damn you, Revy!) it felt like a dream and I was afraid I would soon wake and find myself back in that narc-made hell. But, no! This is my life now and it is fabulous! Can’t say that enough!

There was a Big Storm on Saturday, making travel unpleasant so Awana came over on Sunday to stay for a couple of nights. We went thrift shopping, out to eat, watched part of Dexter Season 6 (LOVE me some Dexter!) cooked, and generally amused ourselves doing what we like to do. And you know what? I can do it again today, or tomorrow, or next week. It might not sound like much to those of you have never lived in the shadow of a narc or similarly disordered person, but just being able to cook a meal of my choosing at a time of my choosing, letting the dog lick up the drips, listening to my choice of program on the radio, it’s all still a bit unreal and feels like an amazing luxury.

On Monday I deleted the old email account and changed every name and login for every account I’ve accumulated over the past 10+ years. My old ID is gone from the internetz.

Life is good!


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One Year Ago Part Three

Last December was a very bad month for me. The narc was amping up his abuses because I finally had a handle on his tactics, a look behind his mask, and he was not happy at all.

November ended with a fight about moving some plywood, of all things. He got mad that I didn’t jump up from my desk where I was doing paying work to help him before he needed to ask. The argument went round and round until I just didn’t care any more and shut down, refusing to respond to him at all. He pretended to “make an effort to change” which I knew was just another tactic to bring me back in line.

Because of my wonderful readers and lots of internet research, by December I knew I was dealing with a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that there was no cure, no hope, and no reason to say with the asshole. I started to turn his conversational beatings around on him, refusing to play his games. I admit I found it thrilling, like poking the tiger in the cage at the zoo. Now that I was no longer emotionally invested in the relationship, I didn’t care if I made him mad and said what I really felt with no regard to what he might think. It was Sofia Uncensored. He hated it. I reveled in his hate. His anger and switching tactics only fueled my own anger and determination to get the hell out.

When he could no longer move me to tears or talk me into submission he changed his approach: suddenly he was helpless, unable to keep his finances in order, broke, sick, depressed, unable to remember a host of little things from one day to the next. He became a toddler again and he expected me to pick up his slack and take care of all his needs.

I had money in my bank account and a plan for the next time he left town, but he seemed determined to not leave me alone. I tried my best to keep from rocking the boat while standing up for myself – not an easy task. I didn’t want him to kick me out before I was ready to go, but I had a backup plan just in case.

And then Christmas was upon us, and he did his usual gift thing. I bought him clothes, careful to choose exactly what he said he wanted. He took back some clothes that he had given to me and whined constantly about how he felt like he’d been taken advantage of all these years by “everyone,” including me and that was why he wasn’t where he wanted to be in his life and why he could not be happy and treat me well. He was laying the guilt on thick at every opportunity.

I was angry. So very angry. I was very impatiently waiting for him to go out of town again so I could put my escape plan into motion. I was keeping many secrets from him and I felt justified in doing so because of his lies and manipulations. I no longer loved him. I did hate him with a red hot fiery passion and I knew that hatred was the primary force keeping my head above water, paddling slowly forward, looking for an opening to get away.

In less than a month I would be free. That last month was the hardest to endure, but I made it and have been narc free for almost a year!

Thank you all for traveling along with me on this journey.


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Tomorrow is Moving Day!

So far only one hitch in my plans to take Towanda and I on our first mobile adventure. I mentioned that I rented a storage unit here at the park to stash some extra stuff while I sorted out my life over the Summer, right?

Awana and I decided that since I had to leave before the Big Sort, we would have the storage shed moved up near her and we could share it. We told the Manager of our plans and discussed possible locations. I discussed it with the Assistant Manager. In total at least four conversations were had about said storage unit and when and where it would be moved before I pulled out.

This morning I got a call from the Manager at 9:00 AM. She informed me that someone else had spoken for the storage shed and it would not be moved up to Awana’s. WTF? Srsly?

Not only did she seriously fuck me over the price of my final two weeks (charging me a full month’s rent for the storage unit, no less!) now I have to do something with the crap (formally Good Stuff) filling the shed with less than 24 hours before I have to be pulling up stakes to get over to the Valley and my new/old job.

I did not need this irritation, but there ya go. If it’s the only thing that goes wrong I will count my blessings.

Thank all that’s holy for Awana – she volunteered to stash some of my stuff under her trailer and even helped me sort and purge (I hauled a full car-load of stuff to the Goodwill truck) and hauled the totes up to her place.Β  She even helped me control my temper when I was ready to march down to the office and slap some sense into that stupid bitch who “runs” this place.

“Now, Sofia, don’t get all fussed – I still have to live here,” she very reasonably said.

She’s right and I was only mildly sarcastic when I paid my final bill and listened to the story about how “Barry committed the shed to someone else when you moved. Some time last month he promised Mr. So-and-So…We had a ‘come to Jesus talk’ and I straightened him out.” She was all smiles as she told that big ol’ lie! Straightening out the situation would have involved the storage shed being moved up by Awana as.we.originally.agreed.

I am happy to be away from the shoddy management practices going on here, but sad to leave my friends. I’ve promised everyone that I will be back to visit very soon.

Still packing up Towanda and now it’s time to put the Big Computer to bed for shipping. It ain’t easy to get everything packed and I hope there isn’t too much breakage, but what is done will be done. I’ve done my best to secure all of the breakables and the most valuable stuff will go in my car, so at least I will arrive with clean underwear and a working computer, if nothing else πŸ™‚

I’ll have to find a free wireless connection over the weekend and will post if I can.

Wish me luck! Tooooowwaaaaaaannnnnddddaaaa!


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It’s been a tense week over here as I try to work out my living situation. The Boss wants me over in the Valley ASAP but that can’t happen until I find a place to park Towanda and May is the worst time of year to find a full-time space in a nice park.

Awana and I went over on Monday for a meeting and to check out a park that’s close enough that Sabu and I can walk to work. Yes, The Boss agreed to let me bring Crazy Dog to the office. He is that desperate to get someone on board who knows their ass from a (surveyed) hole in the ground πŸ™‚

The park was perfect! The owner is a sweet, little 87-year-old with whispy white hair and all of her faculties intact. Her (second) husband is 90 and still doing most of the repairs around the park. This park is mostly populated with full-timers who have been there awhile. It sits under the trees along the irrigation canal and has a pond and resident flock of ducks.

It’s also full up. Damn! I left my name and number, shamelessly dropped The Boss’ name and Awana and I did some shopping before heading back to the Coast.

Tuesday and Wednesday were filled with drafting and dyeing wool at another friend’s house, while I fretted about finding a place for Towanda and I.

And then the good news came via a phone call from Alice on Wednesday night while I was sitting and knitting with the fiber ladies. There is a space opening up on May 24 and it is mine for the asking! I fired a check off in the mail and will stop by there on Monday to make sure it arrived and get a closer look at the site.

Whew! What a load off my mind! Now I need to get some projects finished, some trash thrown out, Towanda’s tires inspected (the sidewalls are cracking) and everything packed up to travel. All while working at the shop 4 days a week and drafting most of the others.



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The Heat is On!

The local RV repair guy has come and gone and I have heat once more! Yay! It was a faulty relay on the circuit board. He had some unfavorable things to say about the furnace manufacturer – the furnace has no outside access panel, making it much more difficult to get the thing out and work on it and the “heater side” of the thermostat is notorious for going out on the particular model that I have so he put in a totally different thermostat to run the furnace (a much higher quality and reliable model).

He was nice as could be and got to me so soon because he was making a trip out to the park and he saw my number first. There’s a hidden benefit to living in the front row, I guess πŸ™‚ I picked his brain while he worked and got some great info before he left.

While the RV guy was here, the Cable Dudes showed up. The signal from the box in the park was fine. They started at the back and worked their way forward to see where the signal broke down and discovered that the cable connections were hooked up wrong inside the trailer and got it sorted for me in about 10 minutes. No charge and they even set my TV to do the “auto channel scan” thing before they left.

All in all it has been a fabulous day! The back room is about half cleared out and if the people at the RV dealership get back to me before closing about cutting me a check to reimburse me for the furnace bill I will call the whole day a success!

UPDATE: The heat is on. The door no longer sticks. I think the payment thing is worked out. The cable TV works. The drain hose for the gray and black water tanks is hooked up and I only bled on it twice. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that the toilet is malfunctioning. The valve opens and stuff goes down, but the valve does not close all the way. I noticed it staying just a little bit open yesterday but forgot to ask the RV repair guy about it. A little research points out that the bowl should have an inch or two of water in it after flushing (and there’s a Special Flushing Technique to make that happen.) Luckily (???) the parts are readily available and the interwebs has lots of info. Sigh. When this first week is over I will surely be an expert about RV systems. I only hope it will prove to be a wise career decision πŸ™‚


Posted by on January 23, 2013 in Digging Out, Escape Plans, I totally Rock!


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New blog?

I woke up at 0600 this morning feeling rested and happy. It was a bit of a surprise as I went to bed exhausted and set the alarm for 0630, but there you have it.

I awoke with the feeling that this blog should be split up – the emotional abuse and recovery should stay here and my (mis)adventures with Towanda and learning all about the RV lifestyle should have a blog of its own.

Help me with a snappy name?


Posted by on January 23, 2013 in Escape Plans, RV Living


He Knows…

Got a phone call on the shop line about 15 minutes ago. The shop was (and still is) full of people. Caller ID told me it was M, and I let it ring five times but the machine didn’t pick up.

I said hello, and he asked me what was going on.

“I don’t know what you mean. I have a shop full of people,” I replied.

“Why are you leaving?” He sounds totally astounded.

Before I could stop myself I said, “you’re kidding, right?” I can’t believe how he was almost able to suck me into a conversation at a totally inappropriate time. Engaging my brain once again, I said, “this is not the time to talk about this. I have to go. ‘Bye.”

I guess he went home after all and I could have worried a bit less. The feeling of relief is incredible. He won’t likely drive in to town now, but will start drinking and stay home, probably calling and e-mailing me, but my phone will be off – Awana can come knock on my door – no one else has any urgent business with me.

UPDATE: He just showed up in the shop as I was typing. There were about 10 people enjoying their ice cream, so he couldn’t very well make a scene, but he did his best.

He wanted to know what is going on. I told him that I am not the woman he wants and I’m done trying. I said that I can’t live any longer with how I feel when I’m with him.

My voice began to tremble and he said that he was not being threatening to me. I said that by coming down here after I said that I didn’t want to see or talk to him was threatening.

He made some sounds about how two people who have been together as long as we have should not just make a hard break and that he would be willing to take care of the dog and make the split amicable.

I said that right now I need space away from him and asked him to leave.

He made a lot of logical noises in a quiet voice and promised to keep things amicable. I said great! Now go.

He left without incident and I think I can relax for real now.


More later – the shop is a mess and now that I can breathe again I should clean up πŸ™‚



I’m Out!

Mostly. Awana came over early this morning and we loaded her van and my car To The Top three times. Two trips to storage and one back to Towanda and we are as done as we are able to be.

I checked my e-mail at 9:3o and saw this –

Lookin’ all over for a note….(searching, searching,searching….) Nope no notes. You must be busy.

Headin’ back today.

Fuck! It was time-stamped an hour earlier. I froze in panic! I had really planned to have today and tomorrow, too. I needed to be at work by Noon and Awana’s curfew is also Noon (she works nights and has to sleep) so we kicked it into high gear.

Bless Awana, for she kept her cool and didn’t allow me to spiral into immobility. She joked and teased and said she felt “so subversive” with this secret mission πŸ™‚

We weren’t able to take any furniture, but the fiddles, yarn, fiber and fabric stashes, my clothes and shoes (most important!) and computer/TV equipment are all safe in storage or inside Towanda. Well, except for the ton of stuff still in Awana’s van – she is a saint for allowing me to use her van as mobile storage until tomorrow.

M called my cell phone as we were tuningΒ  onto the highway for the last trip at 11:24. He didn’t “know if you’ll get this…” (my cell phone does not always ring in the shop) but he wanted to know if I’d taken the dog and if he should stop by here to take her out of my car on his way through town, but I will probably be home before him…Well, he’ll be here in 5 hours… Fuck, right?

I called The Boss and told him I would be late, and now this! The Boss has commitments today, so I can’t ask him to stay at the shop so I can cower in my new space, so here I sit, not knowing if M is going to stop here or not.

I left a note that went something like this:

Sorry to do it this way, but I feel I have no choice. I don’t want to see or talk to you right now. I will be back with a truck for the rest on Thursday. Please e-mail what time will be good. I would prefer you weren’t here. I’d appreciate it if you feed the rabbits – I will pick them up on Thursday.

If he stops at the shop first, he won’t see the note and leave me the fuck alone. Should I act “normal” if he does? My car is locked so he can’t take the dog without breaking a window, but if he looks inside he will see bedding and clothes in the back.

Kinda dreading what comes next, but so tired that I almost don’t care, ya know?


Posted by on January 20, 2013 in Digging Out, Escape Plans, I totally Rock!




Melanie of Deliberate Donkey has given my new home a name – Towanda! If you’ve seen the movie Fried Green Tomatoes or read the book, you know exactly why. If youΒ  haven’t (you really should!) here’s the relevant quote:

Evelyn: I never get mad, Mrs Threadgoode. Never. The way I was raised, it was bad manners. Well, I got mad… and it felt terrific! I felt like I could beat the shit out of all those punks. Excuse my language. Just beat ’em to a pulp. Beat ’em till they begged for mercy! Towanda the avenger. And after I wipe out all the punks of this world, I’ll take on the wife-beaters, like Frank Bennett, and machine-gun their genitals! Towanda will go on the rampage. I’ll put tiny little bombs in Penthouse and Playboy so they’ll explode when you open them. And I’ll ban all fashion models who weigh less than 130 pounds. And I’ll give half the military budget to people over 65 and declare wrinkles sexually desirable. Towanda, righter of wrongs, queen beyond compare!

Ninny: How many of them hormones are you taking, honey?

That’s exactly how I feel. Awana is coming over early tomorrow morning to help me haul some stuff to storage. We should be able to take a good portion of the boxes in one trip, provided she’s willing to load up heavy and there’s no ice on the road – don’t want to scare her off with just one little errand πŸ™‚

No word yet tonight from M, but I did get an e-mail from the friend who stores the boat at his house – he said that M is working his ass off out in the cold while he, the friend, sites inside the warm house. D has worked hard all week and needs his rest. M knew that before he went, so I reassured D that M is happiest working hard on his projects and not to feel bad, that I would be doing the same thing πŸ™‚

I’ve already decided that if M shows up Sunday or Monday I will force a Final Confrontation and walk out. After all, I have a warm, safe place to go – I have nothing to fear on that count, so why not? Since I came back the last time, I figure he will let me go and not get physical, thinking that I’ll be back for my stuff anyway. He will be in for a big surprise when I come back with a truck and the police. He can’t deny me my possessions (as Awana so wisely pointed out) because they are all related to my various money-making enterprises businesses – he can’t deny me the ability to make a living. Ain’t that sweet?

Thank you all so much for your support and wise comments – it means so much to me!



Posted by on January 19, 2013 in Digging Out, Escape Plans, I totally Rock!, Today


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Busy day today! Up early after not much sleep – there are just so many things to get done and today is a work day, too.

Getting ready to leave this morning, tools in the car, but what to take next? The ginormous bed thingy has to go out before furniture can be moved in and furniture won’t fit in my car, but cluttering up the space before the furniture is moved in is a bad idea. I compromised by filling the car with kitchen and bathroom stuff and took off for the RV store.

Slid all over the road at the bottom of the hill where the frost had accumulated overnight. Nearly had a heart attack. I first learned to drive in the snow so I was able to steer out of it without going in the ditch, but it sure didn’t bode well for the start of my day.

Upon arriving at the RV store, my first thought was, “WOW! That shit is expensive!” The park requires that all tank emptying hoses be supported off the ground and the gizmos that are “acceptable” don’t come cheap.Β  My drain hose is way too short to reach the waste connection so I need another hose or an extension. Wheel chocks, WD-40 and silicone spray, hose insulation (didn’t get enough and will have to go back again) and blocks for under the leveling jacks. Oh, and a flashlight.*

Thankfully everything was fine when I arrived at the RV park so I hooked up the water and went inside to fire up the furnace. The space heats up quickly and evenly and no one is allowed to say a word about the thermostat – temperature is totally my decision – yay!

Here are a few unedited shots of the interior –


Table and chairs that will be listed for sale today. I have better plans for this space. They are well made and attractive, in Like New condition, but I prefer my chabby-chic things.


Kitchen! The amazing amount of storage means that there is plenty of room for my stand mixer (it can finally have its own shelf space!) baking pans and glass storage containers. Oh, yes, I cook πŸ™‚ Awana was quite surprised when I started listing the things that I will be able to keep.

“And just when are you going to be doin’ all this cooking and baking?” she asked.

Every day, actually. Fresh-baked bread is one of my favorite foods and baking it in such a small oven will be a new learning experience. Maybe I’ll write an article πŸ™‚


Fold-out couch next to the table. It’s free standing, so it can be moved if needed. Storage above with a reading light and big window. The window behind the table is even bigger and is probably where I’ll put my work desk.

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERAThis is the bed frame and platform I was talking about yesterday. There is 15″ clear on either side and maybe 2.5 feet at the foot when the mattress is on – this thing is HUGE! The fabric decoration at the head of the bed will go next – it’s ugly and has no purpose now.

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERAThe lower 2/3 folds up on hinges with hydraulic arms to hold it up so you can access the space beneath.

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERAThis space can also be accessed through a hatch on the outside of the trailer which will have to be insulated ASAP as it is nothing like tight. That tool is used to raise and lower the stabilizing jacks.

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERAA question for the dudes who put this thing together – did you think you could thwart me by using a random assortment of Phillip’s and square drive screws? Hah! I have bits for both! Did you think I would get tired of unplugging my drill and plugging it in on the other side of the frame because I forgot to bring an extension cord? I did not – I am determined to get this POS out of here just as quickly as possible.

The corner tables are similarly screwed into the floor and wall and are hollow inside, really boxes with only two solid sides – you can see the carpet and both walls at the corner when you open the door. I may try to sell them if I need the space.

Whew! I put a note up in the park office and laundry room offering this pile of toxic press board and the arms for free if someone wants to haul it away. Hopefully it won’t take long to disappear. The weather has been dry – maybe it can be stowed under the trailer. Whatever, it has to go.

I measured the space and was shocked when the numbers were added up – fore and aft it measures 10′-6″ and athwart an even eleven feet! That’s larger than many bedrooms in apartments and it’s all MINE!!

Here’s the built-in storage in the corner of what will be my studio –

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERAThe narrow desk-height thing to the left is strange – don’t know what to think about that, but it will stay for now as the furniture needs to be moved as soon as possible.

It’s all coming together. I need to pack tonight to haul the boxes to storage for the time being and free up the furniture. If M stays out of town until Monday or Tuesday I will be out with no Final Confrontation – best case scenerio. If he comes back sooner, well, at least my most precious things will be out.

* I bought a really cool LED flashlight at Radio Shack a few weeks back. The guy behind the counter put batteries into it and showed me how to work it. I didn’t realize he took the batteries back out before I paid and left, so last night when my brand new flashlight didn’t work, I was pissed that I’d paid good money for a shoddy product. When I opened it up this morning to see if the cold of yesterday did indeed kill the batteries, imagine my surprise to find that it had no batteries at all! Glad I wasn’t in some sort of life-or-death situation or I would be chewing out the sales guy at RS right now.


Posted by on January 19, 2013 in Escape Plans, I totally Rock!, Today



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