Gone for the Weekend

Sabu and I are headed for the beach and the Newport Spin-In, car loaded to the gunnels with fiber and stuff for sale. Hopefully there will be room in the car on the return trip.

I am woefully behind in my blog reading and comment responding and I hope you’ll forgive me – the week has been crazy busy. But, hey, I launched the new website – Starting Over Designs. It’s still rough, but I printed out business cards to hand out so there should be a website to look at, right? More details and stuff next week.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

 

Photo Challenge

After I put up the post yesterday I saw Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge. The subject is The Back of Things. I’d been virtually thumbing through the photos from the New York trip and knew I had the perfect shot for this challenge –

One can’t visit New York and not take a ferry out to Ellis Island to see the statue of liberty. She looks just like all the photos you’ve ever seen and so I decided to take a picture of her from the back because how often do you see that view? The family thought I was being weird again, but they’re used to my whimsies and waited patiently while I framed the perfect shot.

The original is in color, of course, so I had to find a program to convert it. I’ve been mourning the loss of PicNik since Google absorbed them and until this morning had not found a replacement. I’ve tried to learn PhotoShop, but my brain is full – not a bit of room to fit in a technical program. I needed point and click. The camera does a great job, I just wanted a bit of enhancement, maybe a little text, a border, you know, easy stuff.

This morning, while I was supposed to be working, I found PicMonkey. Hurrah! Exactly what I need and I’ve even ponied up the cash for the Royale package and access to all the Good Stuff.

I find myself inspired and excited by the idea of using my photos to make a bit of cash. If nothing else, I’ll have a stash of one-of-a-kind cards for every occasion. Stay tuned for more details on this project over at the Starting Over Designs blog.

I’ve heard it said that one needs seven streams of income to be truly rich, and 2014 will be the year I do my best to make that happen.

 

Share Your World Week 4

It’s Wednesday and that means it’s time for another installment of Share Your World brought to you by Cee’s Photography.

This week’s questions and answers:

Do you recharge your energy by going out with friends for a good time or by spending with quiet time alone?

Quiet time alone is the only way I can recharge. Being around lots of people is exhausting. Going out with a couple of friends is fine, but large gatherings are difficult for me. Saturday will be one of those days – a large room full of people sucking away my life force. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all wonderful people doing what I really love (spinning wool, etc.) but it’s a very long day that takes me a week to recover from.

What is the most number of blankets you’ve ever had on your bed?

Five, just last month. Then I got smart and bought an electric blanket. Best.Purchase.Ever. I’ll never be without one again.

You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you never met. Would you attend this party if you were to go by yourself?

Yep. If the people are interesting enough and I want to talk to them I’d rather be alone so I wouldn’t be distracted by someone who might have a different agenda than I do.

Do you like talking to people on the phone? Or do you prefer voice mail or email?

I love email for its ease and speed, but you can’t convey everything with the written word. Like sarcasm. Sarcasm often falls flat via email but I can totally tear someone down on the phone. I find that I like talking on the phone a lot lately. Since there will be no interrogation afterwards, it’s actually quite pleasant. I thought that 1000 minutes a month would be plenty (it is 16 hours, after all) but those minutes have been getting used up before the month is over. Who knew I had that much to say? I hate to leave a voicemail, though, and avoid it whenever possible. If you answer my call, I’ll talk your ear off, but if you don’t, well, it might just be as if I had never phoned at all…

Today Cee posted a fabulous picture with the title ‘Bee Seen‘ and I can’t help but add my own “bee” picture in imitation 🙂

 

A Blast from the Past

I was searching through some CDs last night looking for pictures for a new project and came across some shots from a family vacation to New York.

Every year when I was growing up Mom watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. It was her dream to see it in person one day and in 2004 that’s what we did – Mom, Dan, Sis, Harley and I* flew to New York for Thanksgiving week to see the parade and everything else we could fit into a week. It was wonderful! Okay, I didn’t really care for the parade because of the crowds, but I was there for other reasons. I wanted to ride a horse in Central Park. Crazy, right?

This is Gillespie, one of the school horses from the (sadly gone) Claremont Riding Academy located two blocks from Central Park in Manhattan:

The stable itself was amazing to someone who was used to horses being housed at ground level. A woman yelled down into a door for Gillespie and in a minute there was a thundering of hooves on wood and here came a lovely dappled palomino up the steep ramp, saddle and bridle on. He paused in the doorway, looked around, saw me and walked right up. This horse knew his stuff and was ready to get out of there.

Not being a total idiot, I mounted up to ride a bit in the arena and was disappointed to find Mr. G (as I called him in my mind) was rather nappy and not at all happy to be trotting circles around the other riders and the support columns spaced regularly around the very small arena.

As soon as we stepped outside, however, he perked right up and heaved a big sigh as if he’d been waiting for days to see the sunshine, and maybe he had. The picture above makes him look sleepy, but what you don’t see is the ambulance with sirens on and flashing lights that had just passed. Mr. G stood firm, not even flinching when it came roaring up and around the corner. I was terrified that he would do something stupid, but he was not at all fazed by the Big City.

In order to get to the bridle paths in Central Park, we had to walk with the traffic (one way) two blocks and then turn two more corners (more one way traffic) and cross a very busy street into the park proper. It was quite an experience – no one batted an eye to see a horse calmly walking along, cars zipping by on one side, bikes and pedestrians on the other.

Once we reached the park there was just enough time to circle the lake before the rental time ran out. It was a beautiful November day, partially cloudy with no wind. In fact, the weather the entire week was wonderful for November – chilly but not cold and dry most of the time, almost like Winter was holding off so we could enjoy a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

We returned to the stable and Mr. G went right back down the ramp after I gave him a couple of carrots for being such a good boy. I thought it must be a hard life for him, not being able to graze outside, but he seemed happy enough and didn’t hesitate to head back to his stall.

It was an experience I’ll never forget and I hope someday to ride in Hyde Park in London, although it’s been a few years since I last sat a horse. This post makes me miss my equine friends and think about taking lessons at one of the nearby stables…

* The narc (of course) refused to attend because his privacy could not be maintained and so he stayed home. I was instructed to call him every evening at 7:00 his time (11:00 PM in NY) to report in. We were running all day and he expected me to call him after everyone else went to bed. I resented it and lost a lot of sleep just to please him – after all, I had “abandoned” him to go gallivanting off with my family instead of staying home to take care of him. Whatever.

 

Share Your World Week 3

Time for another Share Your World post brought to you by Cee’s Photography.

This week’s questions and answers:

In what do you find the simplest of joys?

Naps. I love a nap. A long nap on a lazy day is just about the best thing ever.

Jello or Pudding? And what is your favorite flavor?

Pudding. Always. Never Jell-o. Ever. Chocolate, of course.

Is there a language you would like to learn?

I would love to refresh my Spanish.

Do you prefer juice or fruit?

Fruit. Something about juice turns my stomach. I occasionally have a small glass of orange juice, but I’d much rather eat fruit than drink it. Unless there’s rum, in which case I’ll chuck in a few ice cubes and enjoy.

And there you have it.

I would write about Lil’ Revy and his latest exploits but I’m exhausted from being woken up multiple times last night. The new twist to this particular plot is that he didn’t wake me up being bad, oh, no, he woke me up being sweet – he wanted to snuggle at some ungodly hour before dawn and was not taking ‘no’ for an answer. He kept brushing his whiskers against my face and purring whenever I fell asleep and stopped petting.

Chocolate pudding and a nap would be really good right about now…

 

A little slice of life ’round here

Getting used to the “new” camera. Strange that it can shoot video in low light but not stills, but that’s a post for another day. This is what the evenings look like around here –

After they’re done wrestling I go around and pick up all the stuff they knocked down. Sigh. It’s a bit wearing, but it’s also a lot of fun to watch. They’re the very best of friends and I wish they could go outside together to really rip it up.

Today marks my one year anniversary! At 11:45 AM on January 20, 2013 I drove away from the narc’s house with the last of the stuff I couldn’t live without. I have lived one year under my own roof without the influence of the narc on my everyday routine. The video above would not have been possible while living with the narc, as joy was not permitted unless it was his own.

So many wonderful things have happened over the past year and I have been so blessed in every way. The narc was truly a millstone around my neck, holding me back from using my full potential to create the life that would enable me to be happy and fulfilled.

To all of you in abusive relationships: there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be brave. Throw off your shackles and walk into the light. It’s hard. It sucks. It’s scary. But it’s worth every hardship to live a life free of abuse.

Life is good! 27 irons in the fire, all of them glowing brightly, lighting my path to happiness. Thank you all for joining me on this journey 🙂

 

Me without you

Jennifer Nettles says it very well –

The sky is quite a lot bluer now that I’ve left the Coast 🙂

Also? I was almost on TV last night!

 

 

One Year Ago Part Four

A year ago I was posting about how I hate curry (one of the top posts on this here blog, strangely enough) and pissed off at the narc’s efforts to pry every penny he could out of my bleeding corpse.

I was fighting the narc’s indoctrination, the voice in my head that dictated my every move based on what would or would not please the narc on any given day. He was making preparations to go work on his boat, leaving me alone for a few days and I had planned my escape. I was tied in knots, anxious not about my escape plan, but about how he would react and the possible consequences.

That Thursday, Awana and I traveled over to The Valley and found my home and had her hauled back to The Coast where I set about making modifications and moving in. The narc was due to be back some time between Sunday and Wednesday, but I knew it would be sooner because he was always hoping to catch me doing something he didn’t approve of, and that was pretty much everything.

Everything that could be fit into Awana’s van and my car was moved out of the narc’s house on January 20, 2013 and of course the narc had to try to make a scene when he came home to find my Fuck You note, but I handled it okay and was able to spend my first night in my very own space with not too much stress. I didn’t die or have a heart attack or have to explain a nasty public scene or any of the other horrible things the narc had trained me to worry about.

So much has happened in the past year, and all of it has been good. Or at least a Learning Experience 🙂 No catastrophes, I’m not living under a bridge or starving or in some kind of danger as the narc told me would happen if I ever didn’t have him to “carry” me through life. I have a good job, a warm place to live where everything is just the way I like it, I eat what I want, watch TV, spin & knit, go to the dog park, anything I want to do, any time I want to do it. I can talk on the phone with anyone I choose to with no interrogation afterwards. If a friend invites me out to do something I can go with no worries about narc consequences. I can visit friends and family at any time, even staying overnight with no worries that I’ll have to pay a price when I get home. No one is forcing me to eat or do anything that makes me unhappy. No one is laying guilt trips on me or beating me with words or denying me basic comforts like heat in the Winter. No one is beating my dog or threatening me.

I woke up today (again) with an indescribable feeling of unreality. As I looked around the dim room (it was not even 0630, damn you, Revy!) it felt like a dream and I was afraid I would soon wake and find myself back in that narc-made hell. But, no! This is my life now and it is fabulous! Can’t say that enough!

There was a Big Storm on Saturday, making travel unpleasant so Awana came over on Sunday to stay for a couple of nights. We went thrift shopping, out to eat, watched part of Dexter Season 6 (LOVE me some Dexter!) cooked, and generally amused ourselves doing what we like to do. And you know what? I can do it again today, or tomorrow, or next week. It might not sound like much to those of you have never lived in the shadow of a narc or similarly disordered person, but just being able to cook a meal of my choosing at a time of my choosing, letting the dog lick up the drips, listening to my choice of program on the radio, it’s all still a bit unreal and feels like an amazing luxury.

On Monday I deleted the old email account and changed every name and login for every account I’ve accumulated over the past 10+ years. My old ID is gone from the internetz.

Life is good!

 

Share Your World Week 2

Time for another Share Your World post brought to you from Cee’s Photography.

This week’s questions and answers:

If you had to move to a country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

My roots are Irish, so to Ireland I would go. The music, dark castles and sheep are all wonderful reasons to go and I would take full advantage of them all. I would not be drinking Stout or eating corned beef and cabbage, however because…ewwww….

Music or silence while working?

Music. All the time. Or a movie playing in the background. I don’t like total silence unless I’m trying to sleep.

What is your favorite color?

Anything on the warm side of the color wheel – orange, red, yellow, browns.

Do you have a bucket list? What are your three items? A bucket list are things you want to do before you die.

I don’t really think about a bucket list – I can barely plan the next week, much less the rest of my life, so my “must dos” are pretty small. If I had to choose, I would say:

1) publish my novel

2) travel the country (or at least the state) with Towanda

3) take horseback riding lessons again

And that concludes this week’s Share Your World entry. Work is crazy busy today and I shouldn’t even be online, but I have to feed the monkey, ya know…

 

The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #6 – Censorship and Control

Once again, spot on!
“If you feel censored when in the company of certain people, controlled by them…If you feel that who you are somehow causes them pain, that your words of self expression hurt them, that nothing you say or do is right, good, welcome or wanted. If you feel that you have to become who they want you to be, who they’ve decided you are… if who you actually are feels locked in a cell, a prison of silence. Then consider that that person or those people may be Narcissists. Their censorship of you can be very subtle and gradual. Their censorship of themselves can be quite attractive to those who relate to it, to those who like to draw people out of their shells and encourage them to express themselves. Narcissist like this attention, feed on it, and never come out of their shell. They can’t, but they can suck you into it.”

An Upturned Soul

Fre…. by BossLogic

You get the majority of your Narcissistic Supply from conversation. So it is vital that you control the flow of verbal interaction.

Other people might want to discuss themselves and their lives. They call this sharing, you call this a waste of your precious time. They might want to talk about the things they love, which is very boring unless it’s you they love then it’s fascinating and nourishing, unless they want to criticise you in some way, have you acknowledge some wrong which they incorrectly believe that you did to them, or point out a mistake which you made which you couldn’t have possibly done as you never make mistakes. This is unacceptable and it drains what little energy you have and therefore they must be censored.

Controlling and censoring others is easy for you. You simply do to them exactly what you do to yourself…

View original post 1,315 more words