Finally feeling rested after a whirlwind weekend. The laundry is done, dishes washed, clutter (sorta) cleared away and today Sabu went to the groomer for a bath, blow-out and pedicure –
I swear, this dog draws a crowd wherever she goes! There was a line at the checkout and people started piling up behind us. Sabu went into full on Performance Mode and had the ladies eating out of her hand. None of them had treats, but this dog is an eternal optimist.
“What a beautiful dog!”
“She’s so white! You must spend a lot of time grooming her…”
“Look at those freckles! How adorable!”
“What a good dog!”
And on and on. Here’s the truth, folks –
- Sabu is a Bad Dog. She does all sorts of Bad Dog Things every damned day. You got to see her at her best – desperate to get away from the sadistic ladies in the grooming room. She’ll do anything to get out of there and ten seconds after the doors shut behind us she’ll be up to her usual antics, probably pulling me off my feet.
- She IS white. Today. Probably tomorrow, too, but not much longer if she rolls in something foul or otherwise messes herself up. She’s not a Girly Dog and prefers to be dirty. Lucky for me most of the hard dirt falls off with no further intervention and she doesn’t matt up if I hold her down and force a brush through her coat every now and again.
- I do not spend much time grooming her because she is a Drama Queen and it would be quieter if I actually disemboweled her instead of just torturing her with a slicker brush. She won’t let anyone but the cat groom her tail and brushing her back legs is accompanied by growls and evasive maneuvers. I pay the ladies at the groomer to clean her up and they are worth every penny!
- She will eat everything she finds that even remotely resembles anything edible. Half rotted, unidentifiable substance on the pavement? Yup. Poo of any kind except her own? You betcha. If whatever it is makes her vomit, she will happily scarf it down again if it’s still fresh. She likes to help out around the house by cleaning out the litterbox, too. Yup, she’s That Dog. Preventive measures have been employed at home but taking her to someone else’s house is always an adventure.
- You cannot leave food unattended for even a second or it will disappear. You know how most people have a “5 second rule” for food that gets dropped on the floor? The 5 second rule does not apply if you have a 2 second dog! If you want to eat that food, better keep it on your plate and don’t turn your back on this dog. She doesn’t counter surf, but anything left lower than that height is fair game in Sabu’s book.
- She has no sense of loyalty when out on a walk. If she gets away from me she will run off, chasing anything that moves and jumping on people. Oh, eventually she comes back, but never at my request.
- Her car is her bat cave and she will defend it at all costs. It’s embarrassing. There she is, sitting in the back seat (the whole back seat, as is her right) looking out the window, posing so cute and someone sees her and approaches the car, talking all high-pitched and cutesy. Sabu waits until they’re within three feet and then goes all Cujo, clawing at the window, fangs out, snarling, barking and looking like a rabid maniac. Scares the shit out of people. So far, to my knowledge, she’s only made one person actually fall down, but still…
She came to me with issues and for the most part we’ve overcome them, but she is far from the Good Dog she plays in public.
Sigh. I still love her, though.