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Has it really been two years?

Today marks my two year narc-free anniversary! At 11:45 AM on January 20, 2013 I drove away from the narc’s house with the last of the stuff I couldn’t live without. I was an emotional mess but determined to escape that asshole and live the life I’d always wanted for myself.

For those who are new, read last year’s synopsis here to get caught up. Ready? Okay.

I went NC with the narc about a year ago, changing my phone number and deleting my internet presence completely so he couldn’t stalk me. Oh, I hadn’t been communicating with him for months before that, but the occasional email still came through to irritate me all over again. Life has been so much more peaceful now that all communication has been cut off.

I look back and hardly believe that was my life. It’s inconceivable to me now that I allowed one person to control my every thought, my every movement. It’s almost like a bad dream, life has changed so much.

Sabu, Revy and I are still living in a 30′ travel trailer and I recommend this lifestyle to anyone who doesn’t think they can escape their abusive relationship because of financial issues or pets – I could not afford an apartment that would accept a 50-pound dog on wages from a part-time minimum wage job, but I could easily afford to buy a travel trailer and pay space rent in a nice RV park which enabled me to have my own private space and keep my dog. If I don’t like my neighbors, I simply hire a Dude with a truck and he will drag my home wherever I may want to go. I have the option of buying or renting my own truck and traveling until the land meets the sea whenever the whim may strike. I am not tied down by a rental contract or mortgage. I don’t have to do yard work or keep up with the neighbors and their new toys and gadgets. I am a modern-day gypsy who has chosen to stay in one place for awhile.

I have a great job that I love in an office full of truly Nice People. I don’t feel any stress over money and feel in control of my life in a way that I never would have believed possible. I have full autonomy. I have full say over the menu, thermostat, TV remotes, social events and ALL of the bed and blankets. I go where I want to go, see who I want to see and never even think of the consequences that used to be meted out if I stepped away from his line. Every day is a blessing and joy.

Back in July I posted that I no longer heard his voice in my head and what a relief it was. It took 1.5 years to drive his voice out of my head! If you haven’t been in an abusive relationship you have no idea how deeply the monsters sink their claws into your soul. This was a Big Deal and I quietly celebrated for a couple of weeks before deciding to step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there online as “single and looking.” I know, right? I haven’t talked about that here because if it turns out to be a disaster, well, this blogging thing is supposed to be all about the successes, right?

In some ways it’s gone well, in others it’s been the disappointment I thought it would be. There are a lot of freaks out there looking for NSA kinky sex and if that’s what I was looking for I’d have my pick of any number of Slimy Dudes, but that’s not really my thing. I’ve been told I want too much from a man. I have to shrug and think to myself, “yeah, it’s totally unreasonable to narrow my choices to men who are gainfully employed, own their own car, live in their own space (ie not with Mom,) don’t drink excessively, don’t use drugs, don’t have a huge pile of debt, aren’t already otherwise involved in relationships, don’t have small children at home (sorry if that sounds selfish, but I’m all done being Mommy, thankyouverymuch!) don’t need a Mommy or fixing in some other way and who can write and spell with something close to English grammar conventions.” I won’t be a doormat, slave, maid, cook or gardener with no return on my investment and I state that right up front. Ya ain’t gonna get free labor from me 🙂

I’ll admit it: I’m gonna be picky because I can. I am perfectly happy with my single life. It’s working for me. But I also want to know if I could “do” a relationship the way I hear it can be done. You know, where two people of opposite sex are great friends who get along and like some of the same things and respect each other. It’s just not the same with girlfriends and dammit I want it all!

Anyway. This is not the place to talk about all that stuff. Let’s just say that I’m still single, still enjoying my life and looking forward to another fantastic year.

I’ve been away from blogging for awhile because I haven’t had anything to say. Life with the narc seems so far away when I’m going about my day-to-day business as to seem irrelevant to who I am now. I’m not sure where I want this blog to go now. Suggestions? What do y’all want to hear about?

To all of you in abusive relationships: there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be brave. Throw off your shackles and walk into the light. It’s hard. It sucks. It’s scary. But it’s worth every hardship to live a life free of abuse.

Thank you all for joining me on this journey 🙂

 

 

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New Glasses

I’m getting old. There’s no denying it. When I came back to work at my current office I noticed that the new “normal” was to print the text itty, bitty, really, really small on the half-scale drawings. What ever happened to 1/10th of an inch? What ever happened to keeping it legible? Gaaaahhhhh!

Anyway. I couldn’t read the littlest text and it’s maddening. I found myself bringing the paper close to my face and looking under my glasses – a charming look I’m sure. Looking from under my glasses and then up to the computer screen has been an exercise in frustration for months and I finally did something about it.

New GlassesBecause my prescription is so high (-8 +) they had to send out for special lenses and it’s been two weeks of waiting. The sunglasses arrived last week and they’ve been great, but they’re too dark to wear in the office and I haven’t had a real feel for what these new progressive lenses are going to do for me.

I had bi-focals as a kid and I understand how they work. They aren’t as expensive as progressives and were my original plan. I’ve talked to a lot of people who have progressives and they all hated them, so I thought I’d go the bi-focal route. Until I sat down with the frame guy and he explained what progressives are and that it takes 30 days for your eyes to train themselves. Awana* piped up and said that she loves her progressives and I was sold. I’ve since talked to three other people who wear progressive lenses and they all love them, too, so I guess my opinion was outdated.

At this point everything is a little wonky, but I can see the itty bitty print AND the computer, without moving my head, so I think it will be a Good Thing.

* I’ve never had a Fashion Consultant help me pick frames before and this was a great experience! Awana knows what looks good and she has no trouble saying, “You can’t wear those!” likely saving me from a year’s worth of sighing every morning at my reflection in the mirror, wondering what the heck I was thinking. Many thanks, Awana!

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2014 in Happy, I totally Rock!, right?

 

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And we’re back!

June was a busy month!

Sabu got her new Summer ‘do –

Sabu 'Do

She was humiliated with the bows, but she’s sooooo much cooler now. A little razor burn has been bothering her, but today she’s doing much better. She looks so small! I need to get a new harness in a smaller size – I had no idea her fluff added so much to her girth!

Revy developed a new strange habit –

Revy blanketAs if mauling anything made of rubber wasn’t bad enough, Revy found this (unfinished) blanket and has been dragging it around, chortling softly. He drags it into the kitchen, lays on it for a few seconds, drags it under the table, into his basket, etc. etc. etc. I have no idea what he’s thinking, but it’s strange to watch. I think he needs to get out more…

I ripped out half the carpet in Towanda and am thrilled with the results – you can read all about it over at Travels with Towanda. Awana and I have designated July RV Renovation Month.

The last alpaca was sheared on Thursday and it feels like I’ve been running ever since. Mo got a call from a woman who needs her five alpacas sheared and it looks like we’ll be taking our little show on the road.

Mom’s neighborhood yard sale is the second weekend in July and I hope to get pictures this time – it’s always a hoot.

July is shaping up to be a very busy month.

In news relevant to this blog, the narc (hereinafter referred to as Captain Bligh) is living the Good Life, sailing up to Canada with friends, where he will pick up his boat and spend a few weeks sailing around and having a wonderful time. How is that fair? Shouldn’t he be covered with boils or something?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled with my life right now, but it just doesn’t seem fair that he’s going on as if I never existed, all the lies he told me being proven by his very actions (I needed to give him more money, more time, more support for his hobbies.)

Maybe he’ll be lost at sea…

 

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2014 in Cats, Crazy, Dogs, I totally Rock!, RV Living

 

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One Year Ago – Part 5

The past year has zoomed by at an amazing rate. It’s hard to believe the life I had a year ago. The memories are becoming fuzzy, less distinct and painful.

The narc claimed to have started on the medication his doctor recommended and he was cured! Even his allergies were clearing up! At last he saw the light and totally understood how I could be angry with him, but he was a New Man and I could come back and we could start over! As if. Meanwhile, Sabu started taking Doggy Prozac and my life became a whole lot easier 🙂

March started out with a conversation that left me infuriated. That he expected me to come over to his house for a conjugal visit after the way he treated me kept me angry for days. He did convince me to house sit for him for a week or so, and I’m sure he thought that as soon as I saw what I was missing I would beg to be taken back, but that didn’t happen, I just moved more of my stuff out of his house. In fact, no matter how many times I told him exactly what was wrong with our relationship, he always pointed his finger at me as the cause of his unhappiness and subsequent abusive behaviors. Sigh. He just didn’t get it and I was beginning to believe he never would.

Being the stubborn sort, there was no going back. Oh, I was interested in watching the narc implode, but going back never entered my mind and that has led to all kinds of wonderful things happening, things that would not have been possible were I still with the narc.

Today I’m very busy. The Fiber Thing is taking off in new, unexpected directions – I met up with the owner of my “old” LYS (Local Yarn Shop) (sadly now closed) and she needs help getting her crochet patterns online for sale. It seems I’ve become the local Computer Expert – Wool Division. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, but I don’t think I know all that much, really, and now there are people who want to pay me for my time? Too good to be true!

In my quest for seven streams of income, doing computer work to get other people online is #5. Not bad for the third month of 2014 🙂

 

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Monday Morning Madness

My eyes snapped open before the alarm this morning. I couldn’t breathe. My heart started to race as I tried to drag in some air around a huge obstruction. Raising my hands to my throat, I encountered a mass of fur that wasn’t there when I went to sleep. It felt like a hairy snake and immediately began to purr. Seems Revy decided to sleep across my neck, sprawled out with his belly resting right on top of my windpipe.

This shouldn’t have been possible, seeing as how I’m normally a side sleeper, but obviously the new bed is comfortable enough that I turn onto my back at the same hour Revy decides to start his wake-up routine. Threat of suffocation is, evidently, the latest in a long line of tactics designed to steal my sleep and get kibble into his bowl in the least amount of time. Guess this means I better not drink before bed or maybe I won’t wake up in the morning.

Spring is in the air and it was a very busy weekend. Thursday, Friday and Saturday saw me awake at 0530. Wide awake and listening to the birds outside. Revy is beside himself with joy. Apparently, his training methods are finally paying off and breakfast is being served on time.

I sewed up a bed for the dog, low in the center with a soft, raised edge, something I thought I could use as a training tool to make her be still instead of barking and having a fit when someone approaches the trailer. You know, train her to act like a Real Dog? As you can see, it was not received as planned:

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERARevy finds it perfect – a fort to defend against canine insurgents, a bathing platform and soft bed to sprawl upon after racing around like a maniac. The dog has been exiled to whatever small space she can find:

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA The good news is that the furniture is finally arranged to my liking and the silver insulation has been removed from the windows, letting in the beautiful Spring sunshine. Of course, the brisk Spring breezes now have easier access, but one has to take the good with the not-so-good, no?

 

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2014 in Cats, Dogs, Happy, RV Living

 

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Snow Day :-)

The weathertards have been predicting today’s “weather event” for almost a week. Everyone with any sort of connection to the outside world knew that frigid temps with moisture would be moving into the area the latter part of this week, most likely Thursday. The news has been blasted on radio, TV, social media and a million other online sources.

Right this moment a local “news” reporter is interviewing a Darwin award contender who is wearing a thin coat and has no gloves or hat, shivering at a very crowded bus stop while waiting for his ride home. Dude is clueless. Really? The reporter asked him if he expected “this” when he left home this morning. Dude says, “No. Not at all…” Srsly? At least he’s not driving!

Even if you spent the last week in a media blackout, not speaking to anyone at all, away from all places where people gather, one step outside should have warned you that something was afoot. The freezing of your nose hairs, the lowering steel gray sky, the absence of heavy traffic where once there was a jam, the lack of birds in the sky, something!

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERAThe snow had started and a scant inch was on the ground when I left for work this morning. The difference between me and That Guy? I knew my work day would be cut short and I went prepared for pretty much anything.

I would have stayed home but The Boss got back from his Hawaiian vacation today and I knew it would be a good idea to check in with him and make sure my projects were running smoothly. All is well and I joked with him at about 0800, asking how much snow had to be on the ground before he sent us all home. “Whenever you feel uncomfortable about staying…” was his answer. Okie-dokie! I am Miss Dedication today! He called the game by 1115 🙂 Even if he hadn’t, I could have abandoned my car to the tweakers and walked home.

Note to my co-worker who should know better: Dude. Get some chains for your car or stay home.

Being of above average intelligence (obviously) I went to the grocery store last night, before the snow started to fly, and stocked up on perishables so I wouldn’t need to leave Towanda at all should staying in become necessary. I’ve got rum, pepsi, chocolate and assorted other foodstuffs that are healthier. Let it snow! I’m ready.

If the office is closed tomorrow I will stay home and cook up a pot of spaghetti sauce and finally get the vacuuming done. Mo told me Wednesday she will not be opening the yarn shop Friday or Saturday so there’s no good reason for me to go over to the Studio. She lives quite a ways out of town and at a higher elevation – her alpacas will need her if their water freezes up.

Sabu is over the moon with all the white stuff, capering about like a puppy, getting snowballs in her feet and refusing to shake off the flakes until she gets inside. No matter – the dehumidifier is running and all is well.

The outside temp is 20* F at the  moment and falling. A light snow is falling from a surprisingly light sky. The one thing I love about a good snowfall is how it lights up everything, even at night. It’s quite pretty, actually. I may change my mind about the beauty if the water pipes freeze up, however. The furnace is set at 60* (Awana just shivered 🙂 Being from Mississippi she does not handle this kind of cold well) and it’s warm enough inside, sitting on the couch under the newest quilt with a cup of tea, waiting for Under the Gunn to come on. Life is good!

Be warm and be well, everyone!

 
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Posted by on February 6, 2014 in Crazy, Dogs, RV Living, Weather, You're kidding

 

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Aaannnnnddd…We’re Back!

The weekend went well. Ran full out for three days, but it was worth it in the end. The Spin-In went well and I finally got my entry into the longest thread contest – it’s this Crazy Thing that spinners do where we’re all given a set weight of a certain fiber and whoever can spin the longest two-ply thread wins. There is a cash prize and bragging rights for a year 🙂

How do y’all feel about writing contests? A woman I do Internet Stuff for is having a short story contest – 1,000 words or less and it must have a dog in it. I’m thinking about posting the details here because so many of you are writers. What say you?

Propane ran out at 0300 this morning. I was putting off getting the tanks re-filled until after work today. Poor decision on my part. Luckily the frigid temps the weathertards are predicting don’t arrive until tonight. Unluckily, after the furnace woke me trying to cycle on, Sabu and Revy were UP for the day. I had a hard time convincing them that the propane place doesn’t open until 0500 and we could sleep until then. Really. Couple more hours, ‘k? They were having none of it, the trailer smelled of propane anyway and we were up. Sigh.

And because I’m outta time, a gratuitous cat pic:SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA

 

 
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Posted by on February 4, 2014 in Cats, Dogs, Fiber Arts, Friends, Social Interaction

 

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