“Your abusive partner doesn’t have a problem with HIS anger; he has a problem with YOUR anger.”
That quote says it all about my relationship with the narc. I was not allowed to have feelings unless they fell into line with his. He would spend HOURS lecturing me about how my reaction to his latest BS was wrong and how he was going to help me learn “correct behavior.” Still makes my blood boil.
I highly recommend Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That: Inside the minds of angry and abusive men” to anyone who doesn’t know WTF their partner is being such a dick. Okay, that might have been a bit biased, but the book really helped me sort out my feelings about the narc’s abusive ways and justified my decision to leave for good.
YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out to you — as will happen to any abused woman from time to time — he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use…
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