Taking back breakfast

23 Dec

DSCN0461As you all know, the narc had food issues. There were a million rules about food, its proper preparation, the consequences of wasting it, my inability to use “proper language” when describing it, his inability to remember what I like to eat and of course the many arguments about tortillas. Sigh.

Breakfast was no different. He insisted on eating oatmeal every morning. Every.Morning. With coffee, made just the way he likes it. Okie-dokie! I was on board for oatmeal because I really like it spread a bite at a time on toast. Yum! Oh, but wait! The first time he saw me eating it that way (we won’t talk about the horrors of eating bread!) he sneered at me and said that I was “eating like a ten-year-old!” and that was no way for an adult to eat oatmeal. I continued to eat toast with my oatmeal, but never again did I eat it “like a ten-year-old.” Just another small erosion of my Self.

The narc eats a lot of oatmeal and is also a cheapskate, so he insisted that I buy a 25-pound bag of Old Fashioned Oats (no other kind was acceptable, not even for a bit of variety) from the local bulk food store. This bag was stored in a musty cupboard behind my chair where it sat at the kitchen table.

::Just a word about the seating arrangement – there was just enough room for me to get into my chair, and not an inch more. You see, moving the table so I could actually sit comfortably was impractical, because that would mean that HE wouldn’t have three feet clear to maneuver around his chair (when it was pulled out for sitting) on the other side of the table, and it would interfere with the “traffic pattern,” never-mind that it was almost always just the two of us and if we were sitting down to a meal neither one of us was walking through the “traffic pattern.”::

So, in order to re-fill the re-purposed cat food containers (gack!) that lived in the cupboard by the stove (this particular duty never fell to him, rest assured) I had to move out my chair, move out the extra chair, get down on my knees, open the cupboard door as far as it would go, and squeeze the oatmeal bag out through the opening. I would fill the containers and reverse the process, being sure to put the chairs back exactly so, per instructions.

Because of the awkwardness of the cupboard, it was rarely opened and was used to store canned goods. As a result, it smelled musty and was damp after a rain storm. Since the oats had to be stored in the original bag (buying more plastic to clutter up our lives was against The Rules, even if it would mean fresher food. Using glass jars that I already owned was out of the question, too) you can imagine what the oatmeal tasted like at the bottom of the bag. And no, throwing it out was not an option because wasting food was akin to cold-blooded murder in the narc’s book.

Whew! Bad memories make my gut churn.

I hope y’all don’t think I’m crazy for this long prelude to say that yesterday I had oatmeal for breakfast. At 11:00. With tea and toast. While sitting on the couch, letting the dog do her best Begging Tricks. I used a ton of butter on the toast and I covered each delicious bite with oatmeal (with sugar added – another no-no in Narcland!) It was so delicious that I had the exact same meal (another no-no in Narcland!) for dinner. It was just as good, English muffin bread for the second round.

I smiled as I ate my fresh-from-the-round-box quick oats covered in real milk (“Milk is for babies! You’re going to die from drinking all that milk!”) with sugar drizzled on top. Sheesh! I’m sitting at work getting hungry all over again πŸ™‚

Another small victory. Can “normal” be far behind?


Posted by on December 23, 2013 in Digging Out, Emotional Abuse, Food & Drink, Narcland


Tags: , ,

33 responses to “Taking back breakfast

  1. El Guapo

    December 23, 2013 at 11:04 am

    Ha! From everything you’ve written since you recaptured your freedom, it sounds like you’re getting pretty damn close to the center of normal.
    Rock on, Sofia Leo!

    (And a merry christmas and happy new year to you, the pets, and all the friends and family you’ve made/reconnected with since you freed yourself.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 23, 2013 at 2:25 pm

      Thank you, G. And a very Merry everything to you and yours!

  2. overitblogdotcom

    December 23, 2013 at 11:25 am

    My narc had a similiar breakfast routine except it was exactly 2 cups of coffee from his metal travel mug. 2 slices of toast with margarine and peanut butter. If we didn’t have bread he would hit the roof and of course it would be all my fault.
    He would sit in the living room and have his plate of toast and coffee in the same exact way every morning.
    Merry Christmas Sofia

    • Sofia Leo

      December 23, 2013 at 2:26 pm

      They all really do read from the same script, don’t they? How very sad that we lived with it for so long that it left scars…

      Have a wonderful Holiday!

  3. Twindaddy

    December 23, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Honestly, I’ve never thought of you as anything other than normal. I’m glad you’re getting back to being you, though. Nothing is worse than having to be something your not because it offends the one who allegedly loves you the most.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 23, 2013 at 2:28 pm

      If only more people heeded your wise words, the world would be a better place, TD.

      I believe True Love is accepting a person for who and what they are. You don’t have to like everything, but you accept the good with the bad and love them anyway without trying to change them.

      • Twindaddy

        December 23, 2013 at 2:29 pm

        Wait….I had wise words? I gotta go write those on my calendar. Hold on…

      • Sofia Leo

        December 23, 2013 at 2:32 pm

        LOL! Many of the things you say are wise πŸ™‚

      • Twindaddy

        December 23, 2013 at 2:32 pm

        You’re too kind.

  4. Jenny Sheppard

    December 23, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year….wow this is going to be a great Christmas for you this year. All that freedom as just made you glow with happiness to FINALLY have a normal life and do whatever you want without the Narc yapping at you. This brings me back to my days with MY Narc and how I did not butter his toast right and I finally barked at him if he did not like the way I did it then do it yourself!! I quit making the toast for him!! Years later I found out his sister went through the same bullshit I did so it was not just me he was nasty too! So glad we don’t have to deal with the Narc anymore….and with the current hubby…he never complains when someone else cooks for him, he KNOWS if he does he is on his own to cook it!!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 23, 2013 at 2:28 pm

      This Holiday season has already been the best in years! May yours be Merry and Bright πŸ™‚

  5. behindthemaskofabuse

    December 23, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    Woot for taking back breakfast your way! A weird thing…the father also had oatmeal every morning for breakfast and probably still does, add in he forced the mother to get up every morning at 5 am to make it for him and be with him until he left for work, then he would insist she stay up and start her day. When he left it’s one of the few times she didn’t “obey” him, she would go back to bed. He would call to make sure she was up. She would do her best to sound awake as though she was…I’m with you, shivering at the memories.. Yay to freedom

    • Sofia Leo

      December 23, 2013 at 2:29 pm

      What a dick. Aren’t we lucky to be out? Even with the occasional horrible memory, it’s still a million times better than living with that man!

      • behindthemaskofabuse

        December 23, 2013 at 2:38 pm

        Yes! I’m so glad to be out! I couldn’t stand to watch him abuse the mother either! It’s a million times better without them! Here’s to all the porridge on toast you can eat!! xo

  6. Laura

    December 23, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    I just ate my oatmeal that way for the past two mornings in a row. Smeared on my toast, which I now learn is apparently like a 10 year old! Yay!! I guess that means we’re young at heart, eh? I remember (or actually still experience sometimes) those moments where I reclaimed something that I was chastised for in the relationship. Damn it feels good. I love that you are getting your “self” back.

    Merry Christmas!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 23, 2013 at 2:31 pm

      It’s just soooooo good that way! Why knock a Good Thing, right? Whatever.

      Merry Christmas to you, too!

  7. 1jaded1

    December 23, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    Yay! Here’s to having your oatmeal when and how YOU want it.

  8. The Cutter

    December 23, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    Hooray for eating oatmeal the way you like!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 24, 2013 at 9:59 am

      Hooray, indeed, for oatmeal and so many other things…

  9. JackieP

    December 23, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    I at least didn’t have to cook his breakfast. He went to his girlfriends for that. hahaha! Have a wonderful Merry filled Christmas!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 24, 2013 at 10:00 am

      In many ways, having a girlfriend to cook his meals would have made my life so much easier.

      Merry Christmas to you, too!

  10. Melanie

    December 23, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    Isn’t funny how the little things bring back memories and show us how far we’ve come. Enjoy your fresh oatmeal made with milk. Have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 24, 2013 at 10:00 am

      I live for the day when nothing at all reminds me of him and his assholery.

      Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, too!

  11. Awana

    December 24, 2013 at 2:33 am

    Oh, here we go again dredging up the icky memories of food. Geez!!!!! Yes, the salad, meat and starch on the plate (just so) with a “basket of bread” and a beer….deviation brought screaming. I just cannot eat the same thing on a regular pattern, and if I see somebody doing this, I run the other way! I hate control issues so much I suppose I am using it as an excuse to be a slob and eat anything I want, but I DON’T CARE!!!! I want to be free and have fun and eat GOOD STUFF!! At least it’s clean mess…I am so sorry about the oat thing–so glad you are away from this retarded bullshit…

    • Sofia Leo

      December 24, 2013 at 10:01 am

      Sorry…This crap just keeps coming up (haha – see what I did there?) and I can’t help but write about it. No more control for me, either!

  12. Expat

    December 24, 2013 at 3:59 am

    My PA/NPD ex husband used to have a ton of food issues. We always had to buy what he wanted to eat, there wasn’t money to buy two sets of meals so I could eat what I wanted. He always said he had a texture issue and could not eat most foods. I must mention his parents never cooked and he ate almost every meal out/fast food growing up. He would not eat any fruits, vegetables (except potatoes – french fries) absolutely NO condiments. His usual meals he ate was fast food cheeseburger with just bun, meat,cheese and pizza or frozen breaded fish pieces and pop corn chicken. He could not eat any meat that was not processed, a chicken on the bone made him ill. Onions were a big no no! One day I came home and found him eating ONION rings from burger king. It was like a huge slap in the face. 11 years of onion drama and having to locate microscopic pieces in cans of pasta sauce…and here he is eating these! He claimed he could eat them if they were battered… Needless to say over the years I balloooned up to 247, I left him and lost 100 lbs within a year. Nice to not have to eat junk food for every meal!!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 24, 2013 at 10:03 am

      OMG! How horrible for you! So happy to hear you’re happier and healthier now. Sheesh!

  13. H. Stern

    December 25, 2013 at 2:37 am

    Eat that oatmeal’s fucking face off, and enjoy every minute! …………now I want oatmeal….

    • Sofia Leo

      December 29, 2013 at 6:49 am

      It’s a perfect meal πŸ™‚

  14. Aussa Lorens

    December 28, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    That’s a victory! I know these sorts of “rules” very very well *rolls eyes*
    I hope you have lots of room around your chair now!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 29, 2013 at 6:52 am

      Actually, I don’t have a table or chair set up. I’ve been eating on the couch with a lap tray, which works okay, but Lil’ Dude and Sabu are way too close and have upped their begging game πŸ™‚ Soon I will be re-arranging and will have a table and chair with lots of room all around.

      • Aussa Lorens

        December 29, 2013 at 10:38 am

        Haha, perfect! The important thing is that you do whatever the hell you want πŸ™‚


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: