As Time Goes By

05 Nov

DSCN0276Shortly after I left the narc, Awana and I took many walks along the beach with Sabu. On these walks I occasionally picked up rocks that lay strewn on the beach, particularly if they had holes in them. They were mostly flat and the idea that the ocean had pounded them smooth was very appealing. They lived in the back of my car until I moved over to The Valley, when I finally set them out into the edge of the flowerbed.

DSCN0277Some of the rocks have remained mostly whole, while many of them have broken into little bits all on their own. When I picked them up, I had no idea that they weren’t really rocks at all, but were instead made up of sand and smaller pebbles cemented by the sea into their smooth, pleasing shapes.

DSCN0278As I pass by them every day I think of how they are like my relationship with the narc – smooth and pleasing on the outside, but ready to fracture and fall apart at any moment. As they break into smaller and smaller pieces and get washed away by the rain, so, too, does his hold over me. Soon both will be but a memory.


Posted by on November 5, 2013 in Digging Out, I totally Rock!



26 responses to “As Time Goes By

  1. Twindaddy

    November 5, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    You are healing.

    • Sofia Leo

      November 5, 2013 at 4:05 pm

      I am 🙂 Every day is better than the last.

      • Twindaddy

        November 5, 2013 at 4:08 pm


  2. Annie Chace

    November 5, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    I relate. It’s been three months out for me. Each day gets a little easier.

    • Sofia Leo

      November 5, 2013 at 4:06 pm

      Nine months for me, NC since late June. Life is good!

  3. goldfish

    November 5, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    I love the analogy.

  4. Aussa Lorens

    November 5, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    Very true. Just had to take a closer look at the right time and then you see things for how they are.

    • Sofia Leo

      November 5, 2013 at 4:07 pm

      I needed to find the language to describe what was going on. “He’s being mean” wasn’t descriptive enough for me to intellectually process what was happening. Once I had the language, well, it all became quite clear.

  5. El Guapo

    November 5, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    Hopefully one day, the memories, like the rocks, will just be an ornamentation…

  6. behindthemaskofabuse

    November 5, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    What a great parallel!

  7. Jenny

    November 5, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    You are indeed healing and loving yourself, carry on dear friend I’m with you every day in spirit to a happier you

    • Sofia Leo

      November 5, 2013 at 4:08 pm

      Thank you, Jenny 🙂

  8. Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey

    November 5, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Beautil, rocks and stones and sea shells have energy in them. Think of them as part of the purification process–every time a little bit falls off of the rock/pebble it means that a little piece of the yuckiness fell off of you leaving you more whole unto yourself.

    • Sofia Leo

      November 5, 2013 at 4:08 pm

      That’s exactly how I feel about it. I’ll try to remember to take more pictures as the shards get smaller and smaller with the rain.

  9. overitblogdotcom

    November 5, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Great analogy.
    Today, I was out at the grocery store with my older daughter buying the ingredients for her fav meal Shepards Pie and, as I was describing how you need mashed potatoes for the top layer, I had a flash back of when my NARC,,,used to complain that I made mashed potatoes to smooth and lump free.
    I simply laughed to myself and thought “what a dumbass”,,,most people would die for smooth creamy mashed potatoes.
    I also found myself thinking today that I don’t miss him at all,,a classmate asked if I’ve talked to him and my response was nope and I don’t want to speak to him, the faster I get my shit out of his place the quicker I can be rid of him forever!

    • Sofia Leo

      November 5, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      Oh, I hate those flashbacks! I get so mad when I find myself second guessing or hesitating about something stupid that I want to do – his voice is gone from my head, but that feeling of disapproval still pops up on occasion.

      • overitblogdotcom

        November 5, 2013 at 4:48 pm

        I’m identifying with those feelings too. I find myself thinking “dumbass would never like or approve of something”. Then in the next thought I’m like damn him and his opinion it’s all about me now!

  10. Melanie

    November 5, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    That’s lovely writing.

    • Sofia Leo

      November 5, 2013 at 4:45 pm

      Thank you 🙂

    • overitblogdotcom

      November 5, 2013 at 5:34 pm

      Hey Melanie,,
      I’ve been thinking about you lately how are you doing?

      • Melanie

        November 5, 2013 at 5:55 pm

        Like Sofia, I am knee deep in the nanowrimo challenge. I’ve never tried a novel, and I’m having fun with it. How are you?

  11. 1jaded1

    November 6, 2013 at 2:29 am

    Perfect way to describe it.


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