Decoding Exercise

30 Jul

I “missed” a call from the Narc either last night or early this morning. The little phone icon was going ’round and ’round on the phone display, the words “Narc X” shining up to let me know just who had called. You might recall that I set “his” ringtone to None. I did not listen to the message, just cleared the icon off the phone so I wouldn’t have to see a reminder. After a little flash of anger, I just felt Meh. Whatever.

I opened my email when I got to the office and found this little gem waiting. The subject reads “Stuff” –

To the love of my life,

Have you moved away from the coast? Just a feeling…

I still have quite a few of your things and I’m wondering what to do with them. The house is emptying and will be ready to put up on the market soon.

I miss you so very much. I’ve never loved anyone as much a[s] you, absolutely no one. I would do anything to see you again. I swear to you, the beast has left and only your loving man remains.

with all my heart,


Let’s break this one down and decode it, shall we?

To the love of my life,

“To the chump who let me feed off of her emotionally, financially and physically for so many years,”

Have you moved away from the coast? Just a feeling…

“Hey! I’ve been stalking your known hang-outs and can’t seem to find you. No one knows where you are or if they do they aren’t telling me. I can’t control you if I don’t know where you are. I’ll toss in something about “feelings” because I know you like that kind of shit and it’s worked before. Tell me where you are so I can Hoover you back in…”

I still have quite a few of your things and I’m wondering what to do with them. The house is emptying and will be ready to put up on the market soon.

“Your crap is still sitting around here where you left it when you abandoned me and now I have to Deal With It, which you know is something I hate to do, so come over here and pick it up before I do something rash. I haven’t been able to find someone else to leech off of, so I’m selling the house I never wanted in the first place in order to get enough money to live on because I am “too disabled” to get a Real Job like all the Little People who have to work for a living.”

I miss you so very much. I’ve never loved anyone as much a[s] you, absolutely no one. I would do anything to see you again. I swear to you, the beast has left and only your loving man remains.

“Waaahhhh! I’m not getting any Ego Kibbles* and I’m starving over here all by myself! I miss all of the things you always took care of for me. I miss your warm body that was mine to command. I miss the money you brought into our lives. I miss yelling at you and treating you like crap and making you feel small enough that I could crush you under my heel. I miss making you cry. I miss lying to you and playing sadistic emotional games. I miss pitting my mind against yours for no reason at all.

“I want to see you again face to face so I can try out my new Hoovering skills. I’ve been working very hard on my mask, repairing the chinks, plastering over the holes where my black soul peeked through and I think you’ll be surprised at how attractive it looks. I’ve got a whole new arsenal of compliments, buzzwords and platitudes that I want to use to get you back.

“I promise to be the loving man you thought you met in the beginning. Until you piss me off and “force” me to correct you with threatening words and gestures. I won’t do that until I’m financially stable again, though.”

with all my heart,


“I don’t have a heart, but women like to read that shit, so here it is. I sign with a lower-case m because it makes me seem humble and women like that, too. A capital m is too pretentious for my purposes here, best to look as if I’ve learned something these last months – makes it more likely you’ll believe this bullshit and call or write so I can work on getting you back.”

Whew! I wonder how long he spent composing that little gem? Whatever.

* Have you seen Chump Lady yet? Do check out that link. Substitute “Narc/Socio/Psycho” where she writes “cheater” and the message is the same. These assholes all read from the same script!


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15 responses to “Decoding Exercise

  1. behindthemaskofabuse

    July 30, 2013 at 9:55 am

    I love how you did this, this is exactly what they are like! I love how you have so moved on! xo

    • Sofia Leo

      July 30, 2013 at 11:53 am

      Moving on is the best thing I’ve done so far 🙂 So many people (including myself) stay stuck in the abuse cycle, holding out hope that things will get better. Things don’t get better. My new motto is: I will get exactly what I settle for, and I’m not settling for less than everything!

  2. El Guapo

    July 30, 2013 at 10:38 am

    It’s like he used the reverse dictionary – “Hmm…how do I say I want to sucker you back into my clutches…Ah – the beast has left…”

    Hope he enjoys his confusion as to your whereabouts. I certainly do!

    • Sofia Leo

      July 30, 2013 at 11:54 am

      He’s not really confused, he’s just sorry that he hasn’t found anyone else who will put up with his shit. Or maybe he has and wants his cake from two sources. Whatever. I don’t care what he thinks any more – I’m too busy being fabulous! 🙂

      • El Guapo

        July 30, 2013 at 12:12 pm

        Damn right you are!

  3. carlisdm

    July 30, 2013 at 11:19 am

    Hehehe you absolutely translated it perfectly! believe it or not many women still fall for this sort of letters, even when they come from “Narcs” (or specially when they come from them?…. maybe) It´s really wonderful that you are already way past this and that you wont´fall for this crap, keep going forward and keep delighting us with these terrific awesome posts! By the way, just a curiosity, did you actually change the contact name in your cell phone to display something as “Narc…”, just wondering, because that would be really funny 🙂

    • Sofia Leo

      July 30, 2013 at 12:15 pm

      He already blew his wad in the Reconciliation Letter department and I’m done falling for that shit.

      I did actually change his contact name to Narc X 🙂 I thought about deleting him completely, but I would probably have ended up answering at some point while busy with something else and not looking at the number before answering. I set Narc X’s ringtone to None so it doesn’t even ring. My cell phone company (StraightTalk) does not offer blocking services or I would have blocked him Day One. I’ve considered changing my number and will probably do that at some point, especially if he starts being obnoxious about calling.

      Just before I left I faced a different cell phone dilemma – what to do about the numbers he had programmed in for my family? Deleting them outright would have alerted him that I was getting ready to leave, but I didn’t want him to be able to call my family and tell lies about me. The solution? I changed the last digit of each number. He’s not good with numbers and I knew he would never figure it out. So far, so good. Yeah, I rock! 🙂

  4. JackieP

    July 30, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    Oh yeah, you got his number now girl. You rock! Just a side note, mine was a cheater AND a narc. Man I was so stupid for too many years. I’m so happy you’re happy! 🙂

  5. prog4

    July 30, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    Very nicely decoded.

  6. Fat Bottom Girl

    July 30, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Perfect! For my psychologically abusive ex–I have to specify since the last 3 boyfriends were all losers in their own special ways–I put a ringtone on for him that said “Loser Alert, Loser Alert”. And how!! Only problem was he changed his number all the time, so I never answer calls from numbers I don’t anymore.

  7. Jenny

    July 30, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Love it! He has to take care of himself now….waaaah waaaah . If he does find someone else that might be a good thing because he will finally leave you alone but then again she might figure him out and be calling you to figure him out LOL. So glad you see right through him and will never let anyone spoil your happiness now. Funny how he did not mention the rabbits when he said he was getting rid of the house.
    Awesome about changing the numbers of the relatives, you clever gal !! 🙂

  8. lexiesnana

    July 31, 2013 at 6:15 am

    Beautiful smart woman you are. I love your decoding!

  9. Lynette d'Arty-Cross

    July 31, 2013 at 11:24 am

    Wow. That sounds an awful lot like my ex-narc, right down to the lower case initial. And your decoding is spot on!

  10. Becki Duckworth

    July 31, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    Love it , chilling but awesome.


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