A Favor

10 May

Got a message on my phone from M telling me that Snowball needed some grooming attention and he was on his way to work and wondered if I could find some time to go out and see to her. No problem. I tried to call him later but had to leave a voicemail as he didn’t pick up.

Huh. We have been missing each other’s calls for a week or so, but I am not unhappy about that at all.

This morning I picked up after he left a message that sounded like he had a problem or wanted to tell me something – he was vague. Could it be that he’s found someone else? Oh, please let it be him letting me down easy! Please, please, please!

Nope. He needs a ride to the bus stop so he can catch the shuttle to the Valley and then on to Olympia where he will be picking up a new (used) car. He asked me if I would be willing to give him a ride. Oh, it’s at o’dark-thirty. Yeah, okay, I can do that if it will get him off my back for another week.

I told him not to expect any witty conversation or scintillating banter at that hour and that’s when he hit me with his idea of a plan. He thinks that I should come over tonight and spend the night with him. Then we could get up early and take him to the bus stop.

Ah, hell no! He asked me why. I told him that I am not a booty call and I just don’t want to sleep with him. Or have sex with him. That led to a conversation about what sex means to a man and what it means to a woman.

He (said that he) sees that sex is an expression of love and a way to heal problems in a relationship.

I told him that is bullshit. I said, “you have obviously forgotten all the times you berated me all day and then wanted sex that night because you ‘felt great’ after having ‘cleared the air’ about your grievances (which were all bullshit, by the way.) You spent the entire day making me feel two inches tall and then wanted sex as a reward. Let me tell you how it is for a woman – sex is the reward for fixing the problems in a relationship, and if you feel romantic after tearing me down all day, that’s sick and I don’t have to live with that attitude any more.”

Long, silent pause. “I don’t want to think that I forced you to have sex with me after treating you badly…”

“Uh, yes, you did. Repeatedly. Often.”

He pretended to be ashamed and confused and asked me why I went along with his demands.

“Because you berated me for not wanting sex. Because you told me there was something wrong with me if I didn’t feel as good as you after a day of tearing me down. Because you raged and accused me of having affairs. Because you are a dick and I felt I had no choice.” And on and on. Pretty sure he regretted asking that one 🙂

Quick change of subject back to his favorite: himself. Blah, blah, blah.

Whatever. Gotta go to work. He said that he learns something new every time he talks to me now.

I said, “yeah, I’m a great teacher if you bother to listen.”

Sigh. It’s amusing to hear him squirm as he tries to figure out what will bring me back. Every time I talk to him I feel stronger, knowing that leaving him was the best decision I could have made, and I rejoice that I’m finally free. His posturing and lies are nothing to me now and he gets more pathetic with every attempt to portray himself as a Good Man. I enjoy shooting him down, I admit and if that makes you respect me any less, well, I can take it 🙂


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12 responses to “A Favor

  1. behindthemaskofabuse

    May 10, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Oh ya bring it friend!! xo

  2. El Guapo

    May 10, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Mostly it seems like your shooting him down is just you clearing him out of your head. No reason you shouldn’t stand up for yourself, especially when he sounds determined to lure you back.

    • Sofia Leo

      May 12, 2013 at 3:51 pm

      Yes! That’s exactly it! Thank you for giving me the words 🙂

  3. goldfish

    May 10, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Ewww. Good for you, dear.

  4. Not Quite Alice

    May 10, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    I agree with Goldie. EW.

  5. Awana

    May 11, 2013 at 2:17 am

    Grotesque AND ewww…I am still finding it hard to believe he doesn’t realize what he is doing. It’s the “quick change of subject” that gets me. It’s either pure meanness or stupidity or worse. I guess you have studied it a lot more than I care to. It just makes me tired….but I will keep trying, because it is important…

  6. JackieP

    May 11, 2013 at 8:46 am

    I find it funny that he is trying everything and every way to get you into bed with him. Really pathetic. Oh yeah I understand why you are doing what you are doing. You have bottled up all these things in yourself and now have the freedom of letting it out. So do it! He will never admit (truthfully) that he is at fault with his mouth and anger and his narc ways. But hey, if he is stupid enough to keep coming back for more truths from you, who are we or you to deny him. Bwahahaha. You go girl!

    • Sofia Leo

      May 12, 2013 at 3:52 pm

      LOL! Right – I should give him exactly what he asks for, and at the moment he’s asking for Truth. I’m giving it to him dry…

  7. Lee

    May 11, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Yeah, I spent a while telling my ex exactly what her problem was. But it all went in one ear and out the other. I got it out of my system, and now I’m glad that phase is over with. Recent changes have made it possible for me to rarely have any contact with her anymore. It’s amazing how much better life has gotten as a result!

    • Sofia Leo

      May 12, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      So far I haven’t told him exactly what’s wrong with him – I really want him to reach that conclusion on his own, but I know it’s not gonna happen. What I mean to tell him is that he no longer has any control over me and that I do not have to do anything just because he wants me to. This has been the hardest message to get across. He just won’t take no for an answer the first time.

  8. notwendysdave

    May 14, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Good for you! No less respect at all. You need to get it out.


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