Another phone call…

M sent me an e-mail to update me on Snowball’s injury. I left a message on his answering machine (that I paid for, as I did the phone – shit like this keeps popping up in my memory to piss me off all over again, but that’s neither here nor there) saying that I would be out Saturday morning before work.

He called last night to tell me that I didn’t need to go out there and that he had the neighbor lady coming over to learn the feeding routine as he is going out of town and she will come over to take care of the animals while he’s gone since I’m house-sitting and not available. Fine. Perfect. He has other options.

I thought that would be it, but he said that a couple of (married) male friends of “ours” asked him how he could stand not knowing where I am and if I’m “okay.” This was meant to be an opening for me to tell him where I am and how I’m living, and prove how pitiful my existence is without him, but I was instantly angry.

First of all, neither of these “friends” has made any effort to contact me to see if I’m even alive, so what business is it of theirs what I’m doing?

Next, does anyone who knows me think that I’m too fucking stupid to be able to live on my own? It ain’t Rocket Science, folks! I’m 44 years old and very capable of taking care of myself. In fact, I have always taken care of myself and one lousy, worthless male all of my adult life. Add one belligerent offspring for nearly 20 years and you have an accurate picture of just what I’ve been able to handle for the last 25 years. Assholes.

I told M that I resented that anyone would think that I’m not capable of taking care of myself. That I don’t have to answer to anyone. I am fine. I am Fine. I am FINE! I probably threw in some profanity before I rang off, but I don’t remember.

After I hung up (no talk of how much sex he’s not getting this time) it occurred to me that it’s quite possible M made up inquiries from “our” friends to goad me into telling him something that he could “pass on to them.” What a dick.

Coincidentally, I met one of my former neighbors at the dog park this morning. Sabu hated when he and his Aussie, Shadow, walked by because Shadow was off his leash and that made her crazy with jealousy. They played nicely today, though.

Anyway, I recognized both dog and owner and said so. He has talked to M and M told him that I left and his life is in the crapper. The man was totally on M’s side – big surprise. Not. I told him that life is too short to spend it with people who make you miserable.

He asked if there was any hope for M and I and I said only that we were still communicating. I couldn’t help tossing in that until M owned up to some things, I was not willing to discuss getting back together. I found myself hedging, not saying what I really feel on the off chance that he takes my words back to M and he does something drastic, and I hated myself for it.

As I was leaving, he gave me a little lecture on how sometimes you just have to forget the bad stuff and move on from where you are.

Spoken like a man who is single and has been for years.

Not a chance.