The Narc Crap

09 Apr

Despite the lack of posts about M, there has been a bit of communication (or what passes for it in his mind) over the past couple of weeks.

First came the e-mail that he just can’t afford to keep the cable internet if I’m not coming back to use it – it’s just too expensive. Nevermind that I paid the bill for the last 3.5 years, nevermind that he had it and paid for it himself for two years before that. He now claims that he only ever got it hooked up for me – he has no use for the internet but knew that it would make me happy. Whatever.

He wants to make another week-long trip Up North to paint his boat and asked if I would watch the house and the cat. I said yes because I have Awana’s van this week and could go over there and pick up my loom if he wasn’t around. He then changed the date (I was right in the middle of being sick at this point) and I wrote back that I would not be available as I would be house-sitting for someone else. I wasn’t nice about it, either.

Then this note:

My [his nickname for me],

Looks like the the internet people haven’t cut me off yet, though this was suppose to be the day. Anyway, can’t afford it anymore so I hope they aren’t charging me for their procrastination…

Was hoping for a meeting or a visit sometime this week, before your weekend grind starts, what do you say? Hope you’re feeling much better. I was a bit ill myself yesterday, but it passed, mostly.

I spent the day washing the green stuff off [the boat in the water]. The water has been and still is turned off at the docks, so it’s been a long time since a wash. Did it with a bucket on a rope and a scrub brush. Kind of slow, but I didn’t get nearly as wet as I usually do with the hose in the wind. Sat below afterward and thought of the times you and I have spent there and became very sad and nostalgic.

Everywhere I look and everything I do reminds me of you. When you were last here, you said “it’s all about you, isn’t it?” and it occurs to me that since I’m so unhappy, it must seem pretty selfish to you. You should understand that much of that unhappiness has been about how selfish indeed, I have been. And how I drove you away when that was actually the last thing I ever wanted. I suppose that by saying I wish for your happiness, I am saying, if it means not being with me, that’s what I want too. Yes, I do believe that, though it pains me very much to admit it.

I hope that you come to believe that if I was ever good for you and good to you, I can be again. You have always been the center of my life – I have done a very poor job of conveying that to you. Even if I was never to see you again, it would still be true. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. When I told you I would love and cherish you all my life, I meant every word.

I stopped by the computer store today and they sell a signal booster that will reach 1/2 mile! Seems a bit exaggerated to me. You mount the unit high, near the ceiling. They only have the one model and they were out of it, so I’ll have to check back later.

all my love,


Huh. WTF is that supposed to mean? He still hasn’t admitted that he’s been a dick and tortured me just for the fun of it. He still asserts that I am at least half responsible for how our relationship exploded. Every time we speak.

The time we spent on that boat was pure hell for me almost every time. He has such a superior attitude when on a boat that he’s impossible to talk to. I get short of breath and can’t wait to get off the boat when I’m with him, but he has fond feelings of the time we spent there? That’s creepy!

He has always put me at the center of his life? Why didn’t I pick up on that some time during the 10 years we were together? Why did I always feel like an interloper and destroyer of his Great Dream? Oh, yeah, because he TOLD ME I WAS! He says that I was the most important thing in his life, but he told me every day that I was the reason he wasn’t living his Big Dream, and now he wants to change his story? I don’t think so.

We had one phone conversation last week. He called and left a message asking for my help with the wireless antenna. Since I have the same model (he doesn’t know that) I called thinking I could get him set up in a few minutes and that would be that. Now, before you get all hot and bothered, it’s in my best interest that he be able to communicate via e-mail – I don’t want to talk to him on the phone if I can help it.

He was being deliberately dense, so I finally told him to take his computer and the antenna over to the Computer Dudes and have them sort him out. He asked about me watching the house and I repeated the dates I would be available. He wasn’t happy with that and asked if he could “think about it for a day.” Fine. And just as I thought I would be able to escape with no sex talk, he hit me with the wish that he could “make love” to me again soon. Yeah, right. I said nothing at that and got off the line. Ewwww! Getting his dick wet is obviously the most important thing in his life.

Haven’t heard from him since, so I guess he doesn’t need me to feed the cat or rabbits this week.

Got a phone call from one of his friends last night – it was a mistake and poor Chuck tried to get off the line, but I was feeling bitchy so I asked how he was doing, blah, blah, blah. He was obviously uncomfortable, and I have to admit I was tickled by that. He had only written a list of our numbers and didn’t know which was which, typical for him.

What bullshit will the Narc dream up next? I am not worrying about it. My dog is on Mood Enhancers – I have much bigger fish to fry 🙂


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20 responses to “The Narc Crap

  1. El Guapo

    April 9, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Maybe you can go over to “help” with his computer, and thwap him about the head with the antenna!
    Hope you get your loom back.

    • Sofia Leo

      April 10, 2013 at 7:59 pm

      LOL! No, I will not be assaulting him in any way – he would be fast to sue and I would end up paying him for the rest of his life. I worked too hard to get out of that situation to take a chance on going back.

      I don’t have any attachment to the loom – it was given to me and I’m not even sure it’s all there and works so it’s no great loss, it would just make an interesting Summer Project.

  2. JackieP

    April 9, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    You know if I didn’t know you knew he was full of bs I would be angry for you, but all I can do is laugh. They really are all the same. He wants sex for a couple of reasons, one that’s what narc’s think with, and 2, he figures if you say yes to sex he still has you under his control. Dipshit. 😉

    • Sofia Leo

      April 10, 2013 at 8:00 pm

      Exactly. It’s like watching a show about hillbillies – you have to wonder if they’re really that stupid or just playing it up for the cameras. He doesn’t yet know that the joke’s on him. He’ll be pissed when he finally groks it and I’m kinda looking forward to that moment 😉

  3. behindthemaskofabuse

    April 9, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    Oh boy! The father would do that to me too, he’d come over to my place to visit, lecture me, and rage at me. I would not allow him to continue, so he stormed out, and then emails me the next day and tells me he had a wonderful time and we should do it again soon…what?? These people are nuts! I love it, “You have much bigger fish to fry, your dog is on mood

    they are so oblivious to other people’s pain, at least the ones closest…

    I love what El Gaupo said! lol

    • Bethany

      April 10, 2013 at 6:22 pm

      Wow! really? I am so glad you see right through his crap 🙂 I can tell the book has helped you a great deal, by the way you write about him now. I am so grateful for that book myself, it brought me sanity when nothing else could.

      • Sofia Leo

        April 10, 2013 at 8:05 pm

        What’s really sad is that there is a book that describes these people in every way. There really is a Textbook Narc/Socio. They all swear that they are superior to everyone else, but they are all cut from the same cloth. Thankfully, it’s flammable 🙂

    • Sofia Leo

      April 10, 2013 at 8:03 pm

      I know, right? WTF goes through their heads? How can they think it was a good time when other people are in tears? Or is that the goal? If so, that makes them Evil and I just can’t forgive that kind of crap.

      The new meds seem to be working for Sabu – she’s quite calm today, but I think she’s plotting her next escape…

      • behindthemaskofabuse

        April 10, 2013 at 8:10 pm

        it really does make one shake their head! i agree, are they evil or clueless? ha!

        awww i’m glad Sabu is calmer…or plotting…hmmm!

  4. lookingforward2012

    April 11, 2013 at 9:05 am

    I made it through the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph of his email to you, threw up in my mouth a little, then scrolled to the bottom on the page to comment. I want to say that any normal person would have figured out that you’re not coming back and have given up trying to convince you otherwise. He is still not understanding, which also could make him dangerous…the more he tries to pull you in, the more you push away, the angrier he’ll be. He’s not reached the point yet of where he feels that you’ve betrayed him and that you’ve abandoned him, and now you must suffer (It happened for my ex when I got remarried). I’m looking forward to when you have all your belongings and can never speak to him again. 🙂

    • Sofia Leo

      April 12, 2013 at 8:30 am

      So sorry for the nasty taste in your mouth 🙂 Haven’t heard from him in a week, so maybe he got a clue? I’ve been gone for 83 days now. Even a total moron would have to infer something from that. I’m sure we’re getting closer to him feeling I’ve betrayed him and I half expect some sort of dramatic gesture like him driving up to my work with the rabbits and their cages in the back of his truck, dropping them off in front of the shop, maybe some yelling to attract the most attention. We’ll see…

  5. notwendysdave

    April 11, 2013 at 9:24 am

    I love how blunt you are! Keep telling it like you see it!

    • Sofia Leo

      April 12, 2013 at 8:31 am

      I’ve always been blunt, calling bullshit when I see it, not allowing people to push me around, but M hammered that right out of me, rendering me meek and silent. Those days are over!

  6. Jenny

    April 13, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    I know what you mean, I finally speak out about the people who have hurt me and they cry ” You’re crazy!” but I will not be silent anymore, bullying has to stop or else the grandkids are going to pick up where theit horrible parents left off!! Oldest granddaughter is doing that already!!

    • Jenny

      April 15, 2013 at 2:29 pm

      The Narcs are in denial that they have harmed anyone, they think they are blameless and when you stand up for yourself they tell everyone that YOU are the liar not them, and they convince everyone that will listen to their lies rather than know the truth!!! I just say I KNOW the TRUTH and So Does GOD!!!

      • Sofia Leo

        April 19, 2013 at 9:33 pm

        That is one thing that makes it all worse – it’s bad enough dealing with a Narc, but when he turns everyone in your life against you it is so painful. Isolation is a powerful Narc tool and they learn to use it like masters. I hate them. Srsly. I don’t hate much, but I do hate Narcs and hope that each and every one of them spends a good long time in hell.

  7. Jenny

    April 13, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    I seriously think my sister is M’s twin sister…..luckily I had a good time on my trip most of the time but the other times I wanted to be as far away from her as possible!! I swear she’s a Narc!!!

    • Sofia Leo

      April 19, 2013 at 9:34 pm

      Maybe she is a Narc, but you can rejoice that you don’t see her more often 🙂 Enjoy the good stuff and forget about the bad stuff. You have so many people around you who love you that one crazy sister can’t possibly bring you down.

  8. positivagirl

    April 22, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    I know they are NOT funny….. but why is it whenever I read something that they wrote, I can’t help but laugh. What made me laugh the most about his message, was how he went from pouring his heart out, to final paragraph about some signal, really? WHO does that? Its just NOT normal!! lol, I love reading your blog, everytime I do, you always make me laugh. Great writing, and funny (although not a funny situation I know) but if you don’t laugh…. well… 🙂

    • Sofia Leo

      April 22, 2013 at 5:51 pm

      I know, right? He can’t even get through an entire e-mail without trying some bullshit. Gotta laugh to keep from going crazy 🙂 Thanks for reading!


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