Visit with the Narc addendum

20 Mar

I forgot one little gem in my post about the visit with M.

He made a comment about cleaning house and then went on to say that it took him two weeks to clean all the “hair, dust and mold” out of the spaces I occupied in his house and now his sinus condition has cleared up!

He went on about it for awhile, saying that I had a lot of stuff that couldn’t be moved to be cleaned behind and that my storage system was not well thought out and he should have stepped in to make it better so he didn’t develop sinus problems.

WTF? He “gave” me a very limited space for my things. They had to be stacked up high against the walls in an unheated space with a concrete floor. No heater was allowed into that space, nor was I permitted to move things around when he was home as I “blocked traffic” and he was not willing to use one of the other two doors to gain access to the house.

The Rules just went on and on. I was trapped. My stuff was basically off limits to me. With two dogs and a cat in the house there is bound to be hair getting stuck behind stuff that doesn’t get moved often enough. Because no heat was allowed out there, mildew was able to grow.

So who is the cause of his misery?

It does prove that he is capable of cleaning if he wants to…


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41 responses to “Visit with the Narc addendum

  1. lookingforward2012

    March 20, 2013 at 10:35 am

    or at least he can TELL you he cleaned.

    • Sofia Leo

      March 21, 2013 at 8:18 pm

      Oh, he cleaned – it was obvious that he had because I left a mess in my panic to get out of there. I didn’t feel one bit sorry, either 🙂

  2. El Guapo

    March 20, 2013 at 10:37 am

    Why not let him go to Canada, sell his tools, use the money to build a hutch for the rabbits, and never have to speak to him again?

    (No, I’m not seriously saying you should do that, but it’s a fun idea.)

    • Sofia Leo

      March 21, 2013 at 8:21 pm

      Hahahahahaha! That would be awesome! And no more than he deserves.

      I have given serious thought to hanging the bunny cages under Towanda (there’s enough room) and adding skirting so they can look out but people wouldn’t be able to easily see in, but we have feral cats and racoons here and if they got in the poor buns would die of a heart attack (they really are pampered divas) and I’m not sure rabbits are acceptable pets, although if a F-ing yappy dog (or three) can be left alone to bark all day, surely a couple of silent rabbits would be okay…

  3. Bethany

    March 20, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Yes he can clean, cook, and take care of himself!! It’s amazing isn’t it? How much they can do when you aren’t there to do it for them 🙂

    • Sofia Leo

      March 21, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      It is amazing how they can go from helpless babies to independent assholes in the blink of an eye. I just wish he’d find someone else to torture so he’d leave me alone.

      • frantichippie

        March 22, 2013 at 6:14 am

        My first ex (19 years) got remarried just two months after our divorce was final. Everyone thought I should be sad about it, but it was one of the happiest days of my life! And it worked, he left me alone after that.

      • Sofia Leo

        March 23, 2013 at 8:45 am

        🙂 I imagine the relief you felt was huge! Haven’t heard from M in a few days and I’m hoping he’s distracted with one of his online flings. I know that makes me a terrible person, but I gotta get that scum scraped off me somehow!

  4. JackieP

    March 20, 2013 at 10:39 am

    he is just on the attack. He wants to make you feel guilty and feel sorry for him. It just comes back to the same old shit. YOU are at fault for everything. Just worded different. He really should shove it……… ugh I dislike him intensely.

    • Sofia Leo

      March 21, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      Yup. All part of the same game and he’s starting to get agitated that I’m not playing along. I kinda like to see him squirm, but I am aware that I’m playing with fire, so don’t worry 🙂

  5. Jenny

    March 20, 2013 at 10:41 am

    waah waah so he finally cleaned his own house….poor baby, he’s a jerk and nothing or noone is going to please him… we care? HELL NO!!

  6. Jenny

    March 20, 2013 at 10:47 am

    I have to tell you that after my husband took off with his mistress I moved out of the dump he had me living in to a 3 bedroom condo and he and the mistress ( who later became his wife) could not understand how I could afford my place plus I had a new sofa and bed and my place looked nice!!! Amazing what you can do when you get rid of the Narc!! I did not have to get revenge I got even because I FINALLY had the life I was meant to have and the things I no longer had to beg for to get!!

    • Sofia Leo

      March 21, 2013 at 8:27 pm

      Your comments always make me smile, Jenny! You have come so far and deserve every good thing that comes your way. He will never again have it as good as he did with me. Too bad he will be too busy blaming me for his downfall – we could have had a great life together, but now I’m gonna go have that great life on my own 🙂

      • Jenny

        March 22, 2013 at 2:17 am

        Yep you deserve so much more , he does not deserve you!! I have to tell you a story about a gal I worked with, her husband was a real control freak and ALWAYS threw religion in to control her. She finally had it with Henry and said she was moving out so I went over to help her pack and get into her new apartment. We made surer Henrys gun was OUT of the house and hid before we started packing!

  7. behindthemaskofabuse

    March 20, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    Oh my gosh it just makes me want to smack the sinus’ right off his face!! They are so petty!! I understand the rules, too there were so many in my family home…in the fathers eyes, i couldn’t even hold a pen the right way or lay a piece of paper on the table right….

    • Sofia Leo

      March 21, 2013 at 8:30 pm

      Agreed – they want us to believe WE are the flawed ones to take the spotlight off their own fucked up selves. I just with the damage wasn’t so long-lasting and devastating.

      • behindthemaskofabuse

        March 21, 2013 at 9:10 pm

        That’s exactly it. I’m with you I wish the damage wasn’t either. I think it’s underestimated just how bad it is.

      • Jenny

        March 22, 2013 at 10:32 am

        I had nightmares for yrs after my abuser left, did not stop till I finally set him free from my mind and turned him over to God to deal with. Our abusers think they are getting away with stuff but they still have to meet their maker some day and God does not like people who hurt others!!

  8. H. Stern

    March 20, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    So……..he’s an idiot? I’ll just go ahead and alert the media, shall I?

    • Sofia Leo

      March 21, 2013 at 8:30 pm

      Yes, please do. Would you like his address for the article? 🙂

      • Jenny

        March 22, 2013 at 2:30 am

        too funny!!!

      • H. Stern

        March 26, 2013 at 6:16 pm

        Sure! And a lovely head shot, please! 😉

      • Sofia Leo

        March 26, 2013 at 9:00 pm

        Maybe a link to his blog? 😉

      • H. Stern

        April 1, 2013 at 7:19 pm


      • Sofia Leo

        April 2, 2013 at 8:42 am

        🙂 Not ready yet to reveal who he is, but soon…

  9. Jenny

    March 22, 2013 at 2:29 am

    oops my note got cut off- Henry was pissed I was moving his wife out and ORDERED me to leave I told Henry I was not afraid of him and I was NOT going to leave till Sue got her stuff. He said he was going to call the police, which he did and tried to tell the police I was a awful person and Catholic! Needless to say the cops took Henry to the Psych ward at the nearest Hospital and told Sue and I to hopefully have a better day! I was elated they hauled off Henry!! LOL

    • Sofia Leo

      March 23, 2013 at 8:39 am

      What a good and brave friend you are! M does own a gun but I couldn’t find it as I was moving out. Maybe he sold it…What a scarey situation for you and Sue. Glad it turned out okay and I hope she’s as happy now as you are 🙂

  10. Jenny

    March 22, 2013 at 2:38 am

    I remember I had to go to a mediator to prove my marriage could or could not be fixed and I took my best friend with me and she sat in the hallway and Frank took his mistress and she was in the hallway too and kept telling my friend she was afraid I was going to hurt her or do something nasty to her and my friend looked her right in the eye and said I am not the kind of person who seeks revernge because I have more class in my little finger than she has in her whole body! I in the mean time took a deep breath and said ” Ok God I need you here with me to keep me calm” He sure did, the more my voice stayed low the higher Franks went and then he was shouting and crying and a blubbering baby!! The lady had to tell him TEN TIMES to calm down and a guy knocked at the door and asked if she was ok and the lady said yes. Well the timer went off that the session was over I got up to shake her hand and she winked at me

    • Sofia Leo

      March 23, 2013 at 8:40 am

      The Narc showed his true colors in front of a witness! Priceless!

  11. Jenny

    March 22, 2013 at 2:42 am

    and I KNEW I had it together and the controlling husband was nothing more than a big baby and a bully and someone got thru to him to show his colors for who he truely was. I walked out of that room with my head held high. I was free of this monster!! That was the greatest day of my life!! I proved I was not the horrible person….HE WAS!!! Karma!!!

  12. positivagirl

    March 22, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Unbelievable, I would have said ‘go phone someone who cares’……

    • Jenny

      March 22, 2013 at 10:28 am

      M’s problem is noone cares because he is such a jerk, he’s going to have a rude awakening LOL

      • Sofia Leo

        March 23, 2013 at 8:47 am

        Or not. His life will go on just as it has. He will (hopefully) move somewhere else and start all over again. He will be old, bitter and alone and I will be living a fantastic life without him!

    • Sofia Leo

      March 23, 2013 at 8:46 am

      It was all I could do not to laugh. My tongue is still fairly well tied when I’m in his presence, but I’m practicing zingers in my head for the next encounter 🙂

      • positivagirl

        March 23, 2013 at 8:55 am

        🙂 Should be zingers in his eyeballs lol

  13. Jenny

    March 23, 2013 at 9:03 am

    I am so glad you are seeing him with ” Open Eyes” now and find he’s quite comical but you need to look in the mirror and say the words NO over and over and then look him in the eye and say NO. You have moved on to a better place and feel so much better about yourself and others have noticed. I remember I was so better off by myself than being with the Narc, I no longer felt like a caged animal, I could smile again and laugh with others and I took my merry time remarrying!!! I stayed single for 8 yrs and I kissed alot of frogs before I met my prince. I had a mental check list and if the guys did not measure up on that check list they were history!!!

  14. Jenny

    March 24, 2013 at 8:30 am

    I so hope my travels can meet up with you somewhere down the road this Fall, it would be fun to meet you!!

    • Sofia Leo

      March 24, 2013 at 9:11 pm

      Let me know when you’re coming through Newport 🙂


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