Really. I was pleasantly surprised at how little I felt.
We talked on the phone for awhile last night. He said that we needed to find a way to communicate that wasn’t confrontational. No shit. I told him that I would not be sharing with him because he uses it against me and I won’t be playing that game any more. He swore he was a changed man and would never do that again. I said that I didn’t believe him because he’s said that before and it’s all bullshit. And so on. He thinks he may go to a counselor on his own and I said that would be a good idea but that I am not interested. I am angry and need time and space (only a little lie :-))
The conversation ended on a discussion about the religious views of a mutual friend. He said that he loved that I was a faithless heathen who was taught only to question anything that required “faith” to believe. These discussions have always been interesting in the past, but have occurred less and less often as the years go by – I guess it was so much easier to berate me than to engage in a real debate about something important. Whatever.
So I took care of the bunnies, ran errands, bought groceries and met him at B’s boat, which is quite spacious and nice – I couldn’t help comparing it to Towanda 🙂
M said, “You look so good! You cut your hair – let me see it,” and blah and blah and blah. I was totally unmoved. The dog fawned over him in her way with all people.
B showed me the boat and we chatted, M not saying much, which suited me just fine. After the allotted time (I had a list of reasons I Must Go Now ready if needed) Sabu and I walked away. I did not look back. Sabu rolled in some seagull shit.
I had pretty much no reaction to him at all. Mild interest that his hair has turned almost all silver in the past month (did I cause that?) but no fear, not even any anger, but that could be because I had been sitting outside in the cold for three hours shearing bunnies and was quite tired.
The demon, for me, is dead. At least for now. Dr. Jekyll is still in residence – who knows what will happen with Mr. Hyde shows up again.
I filled my car with boxes (can’t believe I left my knitting needle collection behind!) and made note of what to get next time, if I can muster the energy to care about more Stuff that I don’t have room for.
All in all, a successful foray into the Narc World.