11 Feb

Really. I was pleasantly surprised at how little I felt.

We talked on the phone for awhile last night. He said that we needed to find a way to communicate that wasn’t confrontational. No shit. I told him that I would not be sharing with him because he uses it against me and I won’t be playing that game any more. He swore he was a changed man and would never do that again. I said that I didn’t believe him because he’s said that before and it’s all bullshit. And so on. He thinks he may go to a counselor on his own and I said that would be a good idea but that I am not interested. I am angry and need time and space (only a little lie :-))

The conversation ended on a discussion about the religious views of a mutual friend. He said that he loved that I was a faithless heathen who was taught only to question anything that required “faith” to believe. These discussions have always been interesting in the past, but have occurred less and less often as the years go by – I guess it was so much easier to berate me than to engage in a real debate about something important. Whatever.

So I took care of the bunnies, ran errands, bought groceries and met him at B’s boat, which is quite spacious and nice – I couldn’t help comparing it to Towanda πŸ™‚

M said, “You look so good! You cut your hair – let me see it,” and blah and blah and blah. I was totally unmoved. The dog fawned over him in her way with all people.

B showed me the boat and we chatted, M not saying much, which suited me just fine. After the allotted time (I had a list of reasons I Must Go Now ready if needed) Sabu and I walked away. I did not look back. Sabu rolled in some seagull shit.

I had pretty much no reaction to him at all. Mild interest that his hair has turned almost all silver in the past month (did I cause that?) but no fear, not even any anger, but that could be because I had been sitting outside in the cold for three hours shearing bunnies and was quite tired.

Just. Nothing.

The demon, for me, is dead. At least for now. Dr. Jekyll is still in residence – who knows what will happen with Mr. Hyde shows up again.

I filled my car with boxes (can’t believe I left my knitting needle collection behind!) and made note of what to get next time, if I can muster the energy to care about more Stuff that I don’t have room for.

All in all, a successful foray into the Narc World.




Posted by on February 11, 2013 in Digging Out, Narcissist



23 responses to “Anticlimactic

  1. Just Me With . . .

    February 11, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    Well done.

  2. behindthemaskofabuse

    February 11, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    now i can breathe! i’m glad it was uneventful. xo

    • Sofia Leo

      February 11, 2013 at 9:44 pm

      I could have walked away at any time, which is why I set it up the way I did – one honest witness (no way B would ever agree to hide a body :-)) in a public place, no way for him to talk me into a corner or get nasty. Couldn’t have gone better, actually.

  3. JackieP

    February 11, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    You did great! big hugs

  4. anewfreelife

    February 11, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    Okay, this may be really snotty of me, but I am totally loving that he noticed your awesome new hair, while his has gone totally gray! He loses you; he goes to pot. You lose him; you blossom. I LOVE it!

    • Sofia Leo

      February 11, 2013 at 9:40 pm

      LOL! Glad I’m not the only one who noticed that. It’s all part of his Pity Party, table for one πŸ™‚

  5. woundedphoenix

    February 12, 2013 at 2:43 am

    So happy for you. It is wonderful to feel empowered again.

    • Sofia Leo

      February 13, 2013 at 11:11 am

      Again? At Last is more like it! πŸ™‚

  6. Not Quite Alice

    February 12, 2013 at 7:50 am

    I’m so happy for you! Yay!
    As for the boat, I’ve looked at houseboats before. Want! You would love it!

    • Sofia Leo

      February 13, 2013 at 11:13 am

      M has wanted us to live together on the boat he built for years. I like the idea of it, but not with him. I would not live on the water in this particular place – too wet and cold and the walk from the dock to the showers is too long on a dark night with the wind blowing the rain sideways. I have spent nights on the boat, and the rocking of it puts me right into the best sleep, but I feel like I’m being watched – the privacy at the RV park is much more complete, even though we are very close to our neighbors. The people are nicer, too, fewer snobs πŸ™‚

      • Not Quite Alice

        February 13, 2013 at 12:51 pm

        Then I’m glad you are happy where you are!

      • Sofia Leo

        February 13, 2013 at 8:46 pm

        Could not have had a better day πŸ™‚

      • Not Quite Alice

        February 14, 2013 at 12:56 pm

        And that’s what counts!

  7. Jenny

    February 12, 2013 at 9:20 am

    Funny I heard those lines myself about the compliments on your hair, yep it’s amazing how great we look when we don’t have that Ball & Chain around our necks anymore! The more Freedom you get the prettier and happier you will be and it just boggles their minds!!! He’s still in the Pity mode, glad you had a plan and did it perfect so you were safe……bet his friend told M he really screwed up letting you go!!!

    • Sofia Leo

      February 13, 2013 at 11:17 am

      I’m going to get it cut even shorter this week if I can find the time – the wild sticky-outy parts are driving me crazy. I want the back to be neat and sleek, more in line with how I feel on the inside. I will never grow it out again even if I have to cut it myself πŸ™‚

      B is a great guy (and treats his wife like a man in love should treat his wife) and I know it makes him sad when his friends can’t work out their differences. He and I will still be friends no matter what, he’s just that kind of man. I hope he did tell M what a dick he’s been, but since he only has M’s side of the story, I’m sure he has no idea of what the truth is.

  8. Janine

    February 12, 2013 at 9:45 am

    YAY!!!! Glad that is over but even happier with your discovery of your feelings. So many of us struggle with still loving and missing with no good reason to feel that way. You are an inspiration! πŸ™‚

    • Sofia Leo

      February 13, 2013 at 11:21 am

      I had those feelings about my first marriage – I could not let that bastard go emotionally. If he had cleaned up his act, I would have gone back, believing that a boy needs to know his father and marriage is forever. I’m over that now, but it was a real struggle and I had bad dreams for years because I never had closure with him. I still don’t, really.

      I keep thinking that the next time I go home to visit Mom I will drive around town in the hope of spotting him walking somewhere. I will stop my car, get out, make sure it’s him and then kick him in the balls with everything I have (I’ll be wearing my riding boots for just this purpose) and then walk away. THAT will finally give me some peace.

      Towaaaaaannnnnndddddaaaaaaaa!! πŸ™‚

      • Janine

        February 14, 2013 at 10:14 am

        HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Perfect! πŸ™‚

  9. Awana

    February 12, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    As a witness: Girl was smiling and fabulous!!! Happy smiles all ’round! Even Sabu, who …well, you know…for a dog, that’s a happy thing! Only one small beverage after, too–always a good thing!!! Now let’s talk RV refirgerators–mine’s on the blink…


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