Counseling! This just in:
I talked with B last night. He says he knows a 70 year old woman in [a town 45 minutes North of here] who is an excellent marriage counselor. He and his wife saw her about eight years ago when he says their marriage was on the rocks. He says she is especially insightful (his description). In the intervening years she spent five on an air force base in California counseling returning vets with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Now she’s back.
As B pointed out, there are problems people have they can’t solve themselves. He was particularly reluctant because his religion teaches that problems can be solved with prayer, but they apparently learned a lot and came out good.
I am willing to do anything it takes to fix us. Anything. I love you and wish to spend the rest of my life with you. I believe with all my heart we are good for each other and can make it work.
Srsly? We’ve had the counseling talk before – M said that he and his ex went but it “didn’t do any good,” they just never could learn to communicate. She was stubborn and passive/aggressive and his big heart just couldn’t bear to be in a relationship where his partner was so ambivalent about him. I can say now that she was probably shut down emotionally from all his abuse (as I shut down) and was not interested in continuing being tortured, so, duh, counseling wouldn’t help.
I can see it all now – he plays the sensitive, traumatized man who regrets his actions and promises never to sin against me again while in the therapist’s office and things at home would continue to be the same, maybe with more days between blow-ups, but nothing essential would change. He would sound totally logical and concerned only for my well-being, his whole life devoted to my happiness and he doesn’t know where it went wrong. Anything out of my mouth would be exaggerations, lies, misunderstandings, etc. that he would explain away with a chuckle and a conspiratorial wink at the therapist. And what does her age have to do with anything?
Also, where would the money come from to pay for all this therapy? Isn’t he broke? Doesn’t have a cent to his name? Gonna be living under a bridge any day now?
I call Bull Shit!