Today, being a day off work, I decided to solve my desk problem. The computer table I’ve used for years will not fit thru Towanda’s door. Besides which, M built it for me and I don’t want it in my life.
There were errands to be run and as I drove in to town I was mentally reviewing my bank balance and trying to decide where to look for a table that would fit thru the door and still be ergonomic for long hours at the computer. I was coming up empty.
Then I stopped by the Post Office to check my box and inside was a lovely card and a check from Mom. She wrote that the money was “mad” money and to be used for something to brighten my day. How she knew exactly what I needed I will chalk up to Mom Instinct 🙂
I trundled off to the Evil Empire (Wal-Mart) to see what was on offer. At the very least, it would come in a box that would fit thru the door.
This was the scene this afternoon –
One of the problems with a large project like this inside a 30′ travel trailer is that you can only work on one thing at a time. Each project must be put away before you begin another or you won’t be able to walk or stand or sit anywhere in a very short time.
A couple of hours later and we have this –
Please excuse the flash – there is no room to step back far enough in this tiny space. The whole corner is now organized –
Printer table to the left with (finally!) my fiddle sitting out waiting to be picked up any time inspiration strikes. The desk is a good height and the keyboard tray is the perfect height. A little rug to protect the carpet and it will work just fine. The cords still need to be tidied up, but it’s up and running and at last I can get the drafting work finished up.
Here’s a close-up of “The Cat Goddess” –
Tomorrow might present a better opportunity – that darned flash again! “The Fiddler” hangs above the printer –
My space, my favorite art on the walls! I can’t tell you how happy this makes me!
No word from M today. I am relieved. Thank you all for your comments – they give me much to think about, as always.
I don’t intend to give him false hope, but I guess that’s what I do when I talk to him and don’t tell him to just go fuck himself and that I’m not coming back. Ever. Obviously I need to get off my ass and get the rest of my stuff out of his house and get him totally out of my life. Or just let the “stuff” go so he can move on, too.
I know what’s right, what I should do, how it has to be between M and I. It won’t happen today, but it will happen soon…
February 1, 2013 at 12:03 am
I like your little desk, will you be able to secure it if you should move the RV? Love the paintings too. I’m beginning to do more watercolor art classes this month. My teacher is a fantastic Watercolor Artist and won lots of ribbons for her Art work. That will keep my mind off the brats LOL
February 1, 2013 at 10:47 am
A piece of angle screwed to the floor and each desk leg should do the trick – that’s how the table was fastened down so it should work about the same, right? It will be an adventure no matter what. I need to get a laptop ASAP so I can get rid of the big desktop unit and monitor I have now – that would free up a bunch of space.
There’s a free watercolor class here every Monday morning put on by the local art guild that I really want to get involved with. Not this week, but maybe next Monday…
February 1, 2013 at 12:12 am
Sounds like you have a great Mom, has she seen your new place yet? My Mom loves to come see my casita in AZ now that I have a inflatable bed for her and Dad, it’s like having their own cottage when they come to visit us.
February 1, 2013 at 10:45 am
Mom has not been to visit yet but has already invited herself over 🙂 I need to get the back room organized before I let anyone come over – it’s a wreck!
February 1, 2013 at 4:43 am
Everything takes time. And in my experience, it generally happens either way too fast or way too slow. 😛
February 1, 2013 at 5:05 am
Wonderful! I love the desk and the pictures. Don’t worry about your healing, it will come in time. Don’t rush it or push yourself, you are doing just fine 🙂 I am proud of you!
February 1, 2013 at 10:38 am
Thank you! It feels very good in this space.
February 1, 2013 at 8:52 am
Its all coming along so great, and your mom is awesome! I love my mom too, wouldn’t have been able to survive the last 6 months without her support (not to mention all the rest of my life!). Happy weekend to you!
February 1, 2013 at 10:37 am
Happy weekend to you, too!
February 1, 2013 at 9:42 am
Looks like quite the cozy space!
Hope you’re getting more time to talk to your mom too.
February 1, 2013 at 10:37 am
At last I can all anyone I want to talk to and not have to deal with the Inquisition afterwards 🙂 Somehow I managed to call her twice and interrupt Project Runway. How can that happen?
February 1, 2013 at 10:34 am
it looks great!
February 1, 2013 at 10:36 am
February 1, 2013 at 10:53 am
it’s wonderful getting unexpected gifts isn’t it?!
February 1, 2013 at 1:41 pm
Yay! Having a good workspace is important. I love the sleeping dog in that one pic. 🙂
February 1, 2013 at 6:34 pm
That’s my canine companion, Sabu. She was napping after a hard day of riding around in the car guarding it from anyone who looked threatening. Or begging for treats and pets – it’s all the same to her 🙂 As soon as she saw the flash she jumped up and left the room. She needs her beauty rest, ya know!
February 2, 2013 at 10:40 am
Lol. I’m glad you have a canine companion. They can be such comfort.
February 3, 2013 at 9:07 pm
Comfort? This dog is not so much a comfort as a reason to get my ass up off the couch and outside – she needs a lot of exercise and attention. There will be no crying and moaning and wallowing with Sabu around – she hasn’t got time for that crap and she is not shy about letting me know. She is very smart, but rude, often loud, socially awkward, can be a bully if she’s not being heard and her stomach and comfort are her main concerns. She’s basically me in a dog suit 🙂
February 4, 2013 at 9:06 am
Lol. Well, a reason to get out and about isn’t bad either.
February 1, 2013 at 3:36 pm
Mom intuition is an incredible thing… Can’t tell you how many times that’s come up before. Hooray for a functional desk!
February 1, 2013 at 6:32 pm
I have so much work to do (Real Money work) so this was such a wonderful gift.
February 1, 2013 at 8:24 pm
Love the fiddler! Am happy to see how well things are coming together for you. I see a whole lot less anger in your posts. No surprise really. But I sense a profound change now that you are away from M. Even the detail about wanting to retrieve the last of your things which will allow you and M to move on. That detail for me was big. From absolute anger and frustration to a totally natural and empathetic idea. Amazing, isn’t it, to get to that place where you’d do something for you but also because it would be kind to him in spite of it all? Maybe I’m misreading. But really I think you have to do it. Don’t let the end be about revenge. Besides, your best revenge is getting back on your feet, regaining financial independence. Seems to me you’re practically there!
February 1, 2013 at 9:27 pm
Isn’t he great? Watercolor by a local artist. She saw a fiddler performing at a nearby Saturday Market and did some sketches for this painting. She brought it in for consignment in the shop I work at and as soon as I saw it I knew it belonged on my wall.
They say that the sweetest revenge is to live well and I hope “they” are right. I want him to move on and away from me in a manner that is quiet and gentle, none of the screaming and angst we’ve been having. It’s selfish on my part, but I don’t care any more about his need for “closure” and don’t feel I owe him any more than I’ve already given.
Of course it will take major willpower to say all that on the phone the next time he calls 🙂
How you been, Jetgirl? Drop me a note…
February 2, 2013 at 9:00 am
Best Revenge….living well. I agree so much, I am so much more relaxed and have the nice things I wanted in life and did not have to beg anymore to get them. Free from put downs and verbal abuse and walking on egg shells from the X. My X could not believe I live so much better now than with him!
February 3, 2013 at 9:08 pm
Good for you! They always think they’re the best thing that could ever happen to a woman, and it’s so nice to probe them wrong 🙂
Not Quite Alice
February 2, 2013 at 2:15 pm
Aw! That is awesome! And it looks great. Mom’s always seem to know when you need that pick me up.
February 3, 2013 at 9:04 pm
That they do!
Not Quite Alice
February 4, 2013 at 6:18 am
Makes you love them even more if its possible.
February 2, 2013 at 8:36 pm
Love the new desk and art work. You are inspiring me. So glad I found your blog!
February 3, 2013 at 9:03 pm
Not quite caught up with your story, but reading as I can. Your soon-to-be-ex sounds like the same kind of nightmare I’ve been living. Purge him from your life. Don’t let your kids become pawns in his games. Ask yourself this: is it better to come from a broken home, or to live in one? You know the right thing to do and sooner is better.
February 3, 2013 at 10:40 am
The place is looking awesome. Good for you! As for worrying about being selfish wanting to get it done between you and M. Be selfish! All though I see nothing selfish at all in wanting some peace in your life. You don’t have to worry about what M needs. He has to provide that for himself. you can’t do it for him nor help him. For one thing they never get ‘closure’. They won’t let themselves. It’s part of the narc personality. Forget about him and just solely concentrate on you. sending love and light.
February 3, 2013 at 9:04 pm
Thank you! Don’t look in the back room until later this week, though 🙂 I am doing my best to concentrate on me and shed this old skin with his messages tattooed on…