Was it only yesterday?

21 Jan

Today was my first full day of freedom and it totally rocked! I am exhausted in a good way and looking forward to getting up and doing it all again tomorrow.

Awana came over and we took her van full of stuff to storage and had breakfast at a local cafe we both love. I finally found the downside that I’ve been looking for – I am having trouble eating. Don’t hate me, but when I’m stressed, I stop eating, existing on caffeine and very little else. This will pass, but for the time beingย  it leaves me feeling stretched very thin. Don’t get me wrong, what I ate of my first meal as a Free Woman was delicious, I just couldn’t eat much.

While Awana went off to sleep before work I headed in to town to do some shopping. Somehow in the last couple of days I became a cheapskate ๐Ÿ™‚ I found it very hard to part with my money, justifying every purchase in my mind before laying the cash down. There are things that I simply have to have (cleaning supplies, food, dog chew toys); things that I want to have but left behind and if I get them later, well, there’s no room for duplicates here in Towanda so I better wait; and then there are those things that I just WANT because I haven’t had them or have always wanted to have them. My mind couldn’t just shut down and let me get the shopping over with, but I plowed through and spent more than I wanted to (the second-hand shops were closed today) but less than was budgeted (go, me!) and now it’s done.

I bought the most adorable mini shop vac that you’ve ever seen! Hopefully it works well. Also bought a couple of knives that I couldn’t resist on the 50% off lowest price table. Who could resist polka dots? And a bargain at 10.39 for the pair!

I also got my hair cut off. More about that tomorrow, with pictures ๐Ÿ™‚

I took the dog to the dog park where she was able to romp a bit. Surprisingly, she spent much more time sniffing than running – we were alone, as planned, so as to avoid any confrontations with other dogs. Awana is scheduled to go walking with us tomorrow morning after she gets off work – more doggie adventures to follow!

Awana called tonight before she left for work. The first question she asked shocked me speachless, “are you still happy about your decision?”

She had no way of knowing that I’d had a fan-fucking-tastic day, so I had to laugh and ease her mind. Honestly, it feels like a year has gone by since yesterday.

No tears, no regrets and when I folded out the couch last night I discovered that the mattress was still factory-wrapped – either new or never used! Probably never used as it doesn’t have that toxic off-gassing smell. Score! It was pretty damned comfortable and I slept like the dead for about six hours. My eyes popped open at 0630 and I was up for the day – that never happens!

And now I am knackered, as the English say, and will lay in my new bed in my new house and watch “Last of the Mohicans” until my eyes start to close.


Posted by on January 21, 2013 in Digging Out, I totally Rock!, Today, Truth?


Tags: , ,

16 responses to “Was it only yesterday?

  1. Jenny

    January 21, 2013 at 11:09 pm

    I remember how great it felt to finally feel relieved to not watch the front door to when “HE” came home, no more fear that I did not have everything in order or whatever. I was finally in charge of my own life and could do what I wanted to. I have so many positive wonderful friends in my life now and as I look back I remember how isolated I was and hated it! Now I am ignoring the kids who are just like him!!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 22, 2013 at 12:42 am

      I’m so happy for you, Jenny!

      I’ve had a couple of “panic” moments tonight – not related to M showing up, but about money. Having my computer set up at last (uh…it was just yesterday that it was set up in its usual spot, right?) and now that I have a way to earn some Real Money I’m feeling much better. In charge is so wonderful! Knowing that I can go out tomorrow and do anything I want to do, see whoever I want to see, have lunch, visit the library, so many things, is so empowering!

  2. Awana

    January 22, 2013 at 2:46 am

    Seriously, can anyone believe that we waste the energy and brainpower of so many women in this country?

    Yeah, really got to work on the nutrition thing–it will certainly be easier, now. No sense getting yourself together just to wreck your body…

  3. Paula

    January 22, 2013 at 4:17 am

    I love that movie!!! I just watched it a few weeks ago for the thousandth time. Something about the music and DDL. Hehe! I’m so glad you are feeling happy. You deserve this!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 22, 2013 at 7:17 am

      I often listen to the soundtrack at work. I want to learn the theme on the violin. It’s just beautiful. DDL is mighty nice to look at, too ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Bethany

    January 22, 2013 at 5:34 am

    My first day of freedom came about a week after he was arrested. I got word that he had been served his three year restraining order! I went shopping, bought myself some nice new clothes, invited a bunch of people from work over for a BBQ, I drank beer, and then I made it a point to lay right in the middle of my queen size bed to sleep! It was a GREAT day! I am so happy for you!!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 22, 2013 at 7:16 am

      Bet that felt good! I feel the same way ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Just Me With . . .

    January 22, 2013 at 6:32 am

    Whoa. I have to go back and get caught up. But try to eat a little at a time. I don’t eat when stressed either and it got really bad for a while. So maybe some soup?

    • Sofia Leo

      January 22, 2013 at 7:13 am

      I was finally able to eat some mac & cheese – not the best choice, but it went down easily enough.

  6. JackieP

    January 22, 2013 at 10:27 am

    I am so happy for you! yeah!! Hey mac and cheese is better then nothing. Just take care of yourself. He isn’t worth getting sick over. It sounds like you had a great day. Nothing like freedom is there? Sending continued light and love your way. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Sofia Leo

      January 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm

      Thank you! Knowing that all of you are out there in cyberspace rooting for me is so empowering – wouldn’t want to disappoint the blog readers ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. El Guapo

    January 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    Makes sense that it’s stressful. As you get comfortable and M is less of an immediate threat, I expect it will get easier.
    Love the knives too!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 22, 2013 at 1:16 pm

      The knives are awesome! They make me happy just looking at them. They’re sharp, too – I managed to cut myself taking them out of the damned plastic packaging ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  8. behindthemaskofabuse

    January 22, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    oh my gosh i can feel the freedom in your words!! i’m so happy for you!


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