He Knows…

20 Jan

Got a phone call on the shop line about 15 minutes ago. The shop was (and still is) full of people. Caller ID told me it was M, and I let it ring five times but the machine didn’t pick up.

I said hello, and he asked me what was going on.

“I don’t know what you mean. I have a shop full of people,” I replied.

“Why are you leaving?” He sounds totally astounded.

Before I could stop myself I said, “you’re kidding, right?” I can’t believe how he was almost able to suck me into a conversation at a totally inappropriate time. Engaging my brain once again, I said, “this is not the time to talk about this. I have to go. ‘Bye.”

I guess he went home after all and I could have worried a bit less. The feeling of relief is incredible. He won’t likely drive in to town now, but will start drinking and stay home, probably calling and e-mailing me, but my phone will be off – Awana can come knock on my door – no one else has any urgent business with me.

UPDATE: He just showed up in the shop as I was typing. There were about 10 people enjoying their ice cream, so he couldn’t very well make a scene, but he did his best.

He wanted to know what is going on. I told him that I am not the woman he wants and I’m done trying. I said that I can’t live any longer with how I feel when I’m with him.

My voice began to tremble and he said that he was not being threatening to me. I said that by coming down here after I said that I didn’t want to see or talk to him was threatening.

He made some sounds about how two people who have been together as long as we have should not just make a hard break and that he would be willing to take care of the dog and make the split amicable.

I said that right now I need space away from him and asked him to leave.

He made a lot of logical noises in a quiet voice and promised to keep things amicable. I said great! Now go.

He left without incident and I think I can relax for real now.


More later – the shop is a mess and now that I can breathe again I should clean up 🙂



26 responses to “He Knows…

  1. Melanie

    January 20, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    Stay strong. He’s going to go into abuser-overload. I’m thinking of you…sending strength to bolster what you already have. Enjoy the exhale when you fall into bed tonight.

    • Sofia Leo

      January 20, 2013 at 9:27 pm

      I hope he has a distraction on the line – I suspect that he does and will maintain a friendly appearance towards me to make himself look good. I will do my best to take advantage of that Narc tendency.

      • Melanie

        January 21, 2013 at 3:54 am

        I think you’re right. After reading about your suspicions, it sounds totally plausible and he will have to look the victim for her. Time will tell…. If he does, it will confirm yet again that he is a total douche-bag.

      • Sofia Leo

        January 21, 2013 at 7:33 am

        He plays the victim very well. It took me a long time to catch on. *I* sure don’t need any confirmation that he’s a total douchbag 🙂

  2. Bethany

    January 20, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    I was holding my breath from the moment I read the title until the end. Stay strong! like I said before this is the scary part, but you will get though. Make sure to take the long way home just in case he tries to follow you. You are in my thoughts.

  3. lifebegins45

    January 20, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    Hang in there, sweety. Keep your phone in hand until things are settled down, and then a little longer. I agree with Melanie, he’ll go into overload. This is when it could get scary for you. Please keep 911 on speed-dial. In the mean time, enjoy the peace around you! You’ve earned it! ❤

    • Sofia Leo

      January 20, 2013 at 9:25 pm

      You can bet I’ll do everything I can to stay out of that man’s clutches! I am smarter than he gives me credit for 🙂

      • lifebegins45

        January 20, 2013 at 9:29 pm

        I know you are! If we could just bottle your intuition and strength for every victim, it would be wonderful! What you have instinctively done for your freedom and survival, usually takes months or years to instill in someone! I’m so proud of you!!!

      • Sofia Leo

        January 20, 2013 at 9:34 pm

        Ah, but you forget that this is my third rodeo – ex#1 was a sociopath who promised to kill me if I ever left him (had a very elaborate plan to get out of that one, let me tell you!) and ex#2 had Narc tendencies, but he had a woman on the side already and was distracted. I will admit that I was unable to put words to what was happening until April or so. Then Paula found me and her links led to so many women in similar situations that I was depressed for several weeks. Being able to define the abuse made is easier for me to distance myself and get a grip on where I want my life to go.

      • lifebegins45

        January 20, 2013 at 9:42 pm

        It sounds like you and I kind of had the same “end game”. I started defining mine months before I finally came to grips with who and what he is. I’m grateful for every article, video and person who helped me get the wool out of my eyes. If all I knew was that I was not happy, it should have been enough to get me to break the relationship. It took me fearing for my life, to be able to make a break for it. Mine didn’t actually threaten my life. It was in the fact that I realized he had NO LIMITS, and I didn’t want to find out what all he really was able to do, to win. I didn’t want to learn the hard way, what he was truly capable of. What I had already witnessed and lived through was enough to know I wasn’t safe. I’m happy for you!! Such a strong lady!

  4. behindthemaskofabuse

    January 20, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    Wow that was worrying…He may turn when he realizes you’re serious. Keep yourself safe! xo

  5. Lou

    January 20, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    Do you have anyone to go with you to the house and/or any time you might see him? I hope so. I can’t wait to hear you have everything and are settled in your little piece of paradise!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 20, 2013 at 9:23 pm

      Fairly settled at the moment. The Stuff I left behind I can live without – I won’t be happy, but I can get other stuff. I am a bit bummed that I couldn’t get the rabbits, but he is the kind of Narc who will take care of them just to make himself look good, and that will have to be Good Enough for now.

  6. anewfreelife

    January 20, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    Please let us know as soon as you can that you are safe! Taking someone with you is a great idea!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 20, 2013 at 9:22 pm

      I plan to take someone, maybe several someones – we’ll see how it all shakes out. For the moment I am safe and snug.

  7. JackieP

    January 20, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    I’m glad so far he has not made a scene. But then they don’t like to look bad as you pointed out. Don’t let him get you alone! Stay safe, stay calm. Calmness I found gets them every time. They can’t deal with a woman who remains calm. It does help diffuse the situations sometimes. It’s damn hard but well worth it.

  8. Awana

    January 21, 2013 at 3:37 am

    Seriously? At the workplace? How tacky…desperate…and scary. Yes,staying calm and strong really DOES get them. I’m lucky–cameras, locked doors and an alarm directly to the police. Retail is a different world.

    • Sofia Leo

      January 21, 2013 at 7:31 am

      I’m sure he thought that Sunday would be as slow as the past several had been and he would find me alone in the shop but if the sun is out the shop is full. I am so grateful there were so many tourists enjoying ice cream with me yesterday – it was impossible for him to make the scene he probably had planned. He stayed calm in the hope that I would freak out and look hysterical and crazy – more about my thoughts on that in another post.

  9. El Guapo

    January 21, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Sounds like it’s going as well as it can right now! Just don’t let him suck you into another round of his silly, whtether its trying to make you angry or jealous pr whatever.

    • Sofia Leo

      January 21, 2013 at 6:10 pm

      He is up to his old tricks again, via e-mail. Got the first “poor me” note and will wait to see if the next one is a “fuck you” note and then back again. I had such a good day today that nothing could bring me down. Post to follow 🙂

  10. notyourvictim

    January 21, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Stay strong! When I left TheEx, I quit my job and moved out while he was at the bar (I gave him $50 to go out) and I hauled ass 400 miles away. Because he didn’t know where I was, he used to send me emails, texts and voicemails saying my best friend (who I was living with) was staying with him for the weekend and they wished I was there– anything to make me feel more alone. The love-bombing and begging me to come back, followed by threats of self-harm and declarations of how he hated me were terrifying and I wish I’d have been prepared for them (hence I’m telling you to be ready for the same.)

    You’re out now, you have everything that is important. Anything left there is just stuff and it can be replaced- you cannot be replaced and you’re safe now. Is there any way you can get transferred to another store? If not, I would see about filing a restraining order (for the work address only, if you file one for home, you have to tell him where that is so that he “knows where not to go”)

    I’m super proud of you for getting out!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 21, 2013 at 6:14 pm

      There is no other store to be transferred to, nor do I want to leave this community for now. Maybe in the Spring, but right now I need to get settled into the RV lifestyle and learn some stuff. Posts about that coming soon.

      The love bombing has started, but so far it has been limited to one e-mail. I’m sure that after I reply it will get worse so I’m putting off responding until I have to. Gotta play the game until I have everything that I can out of his house. It’s all gravy now, but it sure would make me happy to have my furniture in Towanda – my own perfect little world 🙂

      • notyourvictim

        January 21, 2013 at 7:19 pm

        Fingers are crossed for you!


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