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Round and round we go…

29 Dec

M was spoiling for a fight when I got home last night. It started with tortillas again, and how he feels he can’t eat what he wants because I have “secret menu plans.” He asked if he could eat the tortillas and I said sure, just add it to the grocery list. And we were off.

He started in with money, my “control issues,” my poor eating habits, my “lying” to him about what I eat and how I will end up with a colostomy bag, lying in bed being cared for by him.

I took issue for awhile, reminding him that I am not overweight, diabetic or in poor health, and he does not have to care for me.

On and on he ranted about how his life will be ruined by my whatever and how he has no money so he can’t afford to be generous or in a good mood. He was really gearing up, so I said, “why don’t we just stop here. Or skip to the end where you are red-faced and yelling and I’m crying? We’ve done this so many times before that we can just skip the hours and hours in the middle, okay?”

More crap about how my reaction is uncaring and childish, how his feelings are being disregarded, blah, blah, blah.

I asked again to skip to the end. He got madder. I said that this conversational pattern was harmful to our relationship, I point it out to him every month, I want to change this dynamic we have going and the only way to do it is to stop.

He refused to listen to my pleas that we not do this any more.

I told him (again) that the only solution is for me to move out so he can sell the house and live his dream on his boat. Then I wouldn’t be holding him back, making his life miserable, heaping “responsibilities” onto him until he can’t do anything but explode.

He said some bullshit about how he fully supports whatever I decide to do, but it will break his heart, blah, blah, fake tears, blah blah.

Silence. “You could buy half of this house – then we would be equally committed.”

“No.”

“You could rent from me. You could deposit the money into a bank account and never have to see me again.”

“No.”

“Why not? It’s the perfect solution…”

“I don’t want you for a landlord.”

“Maybe I should just go on an extended cruise – let you have some time alone so you appreciate me when I come back…”

And we’re off in another direction. I shut down. He saw it and started ranting about how immature my behavior was and how it’s at the root of all of our problems. I reminded him (again) that it’s a self-defense mechanism to deal with aggressive men and he knows full well how to stomp on that button and he does it with glee.

I think I stopped talking at all after that. I walked the dog and he got ready for bed, turning off every light in the house. I prepared to sleep on the couch, but he called me into the bedroom, saying that there was no reason for me to sleep on the couch. I slept in the bed, clothes on, for a couple of hours.

While laying there, I gave a long hard look at where we are and how best to handle the situation. I hopped out of bed and took a quick shower at 8:30. I walked the dog and came back inside to feed her. M was in the shower.

As soon as he was out, I went in to ask him if I should take the dog with me to work today.

“Why?” he acts confused.

“Because I heap all these responsibilities onto you, and maybe you don’t want to watch the dog today – I’m giving you a choice.”

And we’re off again, but this time I am in control of where we’re heading. He started in again about how I owe him money (it always comes back to money, no matter how he denies it or tries to make his argument about “everything”) and I lost it.

“It seems to me that if I am the one bringing in the money, you should treat me better!” Nope, only if I give him money.

“Fine. I’m not doing this today!” and I left the room. He called me back, started in with the same shit and I left. I picked up my bag, got in my car and drove in to town, where I bought a padlock and rented a storage locker. Not taking a change of clothes was maybe a mistake, as was leaving the dog, but he needs to get a clear message that I am not going to take this shit any more.

 

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7 responses to “Round and round we go…

  1. merbear74

    December 29, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Amen sweetie.

     
  2. CrazyTragicAlmostMagic

    December 29, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Good for you! Put your foot down and keep it there!

     
  3. Awana

    December 29, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    …and squash him like a bug. What a selfish, self-centered, immature brat. But, as a grown person, disgusting. Anyway, as my Black lady friends would say,”He ain’t grown.”

     
  4. El Guapo

    December 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    Holy crap.
    Good for you! And great to see you standing up for yourself.

     

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