Apology by Phone

29 Dec

Here’s a prime example of how the Narc works.

He called my cell phone after I left to leave a tearful message saying that he’s really, really sorry for taking out his frustrations on me. He sees the pattern. He sees exactly what happens and he’s sorry. He wants to try again to make it better. He understands that I have to do what I feel I have to do and wishes it could be different. His life is in the crapper. He loves me very much.

Less than half an hour before he was yelling at how immature I am, how I do nothing but fuck up his life, and now he’s telling me that he wants to change and make our lives better.

Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?

I hate both of them.



Posted by on December 29, 2012 in Emotional Abuse, Gaslighting, Narcissist


Tags: , ,

18 responses to “Apology by Phone

  1. 1pointperspective

    December 29, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    I’m new to your blog.

    I had hoped that you were an increidbly talented writer who created a dysfunctional relationship for her narrator to describe. I hoped the things I’d read weren’t simply autobiographical.

    One of my occasional readers is my wife. We fight and disagree, but the majority of any actual battle goes on in my head.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm

      The fictional narration in my head would need another blog, one where the beautiful, busty, brunette heroine exacts revenge on wayward men (and women if need be) using only the high-tech tools she carries in her suede catsuit and meting out punishment commensurate with the offense. I admit to having elaborate fantasies that I would never act on. Probably.

      • 1pointperspective

        December 29, 2012 at 12:28 pm

        Like most of us, the fictional version sounds a good deal spicier and exotic.

        I think I’d air more of my marital conflicts and related angst, were it not for the chance that my wife would read them 2 months later and we’d have to rip off all the scabs.

        She doesn’t read your blog, so I’m safe whining here.

      • Sofia Leo

        December 29, 2012 at 12:34 pm

        What was your wife’s email address again? πŸ™‚

        We all wish our lives were spicier and more exotic from time to time, myself included, but right now I would happily settle for “quiet” and “uneventful.”

      • 1pointperspective

        December 29, 2012 at 12:38 pm

        Quiet and uneventful are usually only missed once in short supply. In any case, I’m glad you’re reading my posts – hope they merited a smile or two.

      • Sofia Leo

        December 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm

        Thinking back, I haven’t had quiet or uneventful since I left my parents’ house. All I want to do now is hibernate with a hot cup of tea, a roaring fire and a good book.

        I never “follow” boring, serious people πŸ™‚

      • 1pointperspective

        December 29, 2012 at 1:11 pm

        I’m actually boring, just not when I write. Serious, not usually under any circumstances.

      • Sofia Leo

        December 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

        A sense of humor is essential to a happy life, as is the ability to avoid seriousness πŸ™‚

  2. Paula

    December 29, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Puke!!! Exactly like My X Asshole. Exactly!! Not until I demanded respect and walk out did he relinquish some control, apologize, and promise to change. Bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit. Not worth it. How much energy and tears have you wasted on this fool? Too many! You know he won’t change. Even people capable of change can’t change on a fine. It takes time and a true commitment on his part. The only thing he is committed to is bullying you so you’ll join him in his miserable pit of darkness. He’ll cry for a day or two after you leave. Within weeks, you’ll be dead to him. Make him dead to you sooner.

    • Paula

      December 29, 2012 at 2:00 pm

      On a dime…

    • Sofia Leo

      December 29, 2012 at 6:42 pm

      It’s funny, but he was yelling at me last night saying that I will walk away and forget him in an hour “just like all the other men in your life!” Whatever. Projection, anyone? It’s all about projection…

      • Paula

        December 30, 2012 at 6:38 am

        And always comes from a place of fear. They know their behavior towards us is shitty and fear the same treatment so accuse us first. Assholes! Haha!

      • Sofia Leo

        December 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm

        Ex#2 stated early on in our relationship that “all women cheat!” and was determined to beat me to the punch. Of course, I gave him no reason to doubt me, as determined to prove him wrong, but in the end it didn’t matter. I should have known that his baggage was way to heavy to take on – live and learn. I need to get over my tendency to rescue strays πŸ™‚ Unless they’re the four-footed kind…

  3. jotsfromasmallapt

    December 29, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Wow! It is always nice to see new faces in the hood….thank you for the *like*. I’m going to hang out a bit and see what you are up to….!

  4. Awana

    December 29, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Paula is right. It is hard for the best of people to change overnight, much less ones who probably won’t. Especially old men. I live in an environment of older men, and it is disgusting how they will live just to maintain the daily habit. and have somebody else (usually a small pension or the government; or worse, a woman who worked all her life–there really is a lot of this) pay for it. So I don’t hold out any hope for people who should be capable of helping themselves.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm

      He has been promising to change for ten years, but he makes no real effort. He’s perfect (in his own eyes) so why should he do anything but placate me until I see reason and get back in line. He is an intelligent, educated man who knows better but refuses to compromise and now he will have nothing. Until he finds his next victim…

  5. lifebegins45

    December 31, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    I have so many emails from Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde, I can most definitely relate! I can’t remember the article I read back in the beginning, but it’s this type of “on again off again” argument, then calming phase that reveals psychological abuse in court. I won’t even mention the phone calls, or just “hanging up” silently, after a key phrase that would make me concerned for HIS well being…as if he was contemplating suicide. I wish I’d known how useful the information would be in court, before my court date! You know the routine. Best beat feet when you are able, then GRAB UP ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS and keep them close! You’re gonna need them. πŸ™‚

    Happy new year!

  6. El Guapo

    January 2, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Ok, I’m now reading from the front and the back, and this and the following entries look like the beautiful busty brunette heroine is coming out.
    Great to see!


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