Out of the Blue

22 Dec

The other night as we were laying in bed* M was babbling on about this and that and right in the middle he says, “You were so indignant about A not paying his ex for the rabbits**, but YOU never paid ME. The one who got screwed in that deal was ME.”

Right out of the blue, sandwiched in between two other subjects that he was nattering on about.

“I was angry that he lied to J and told her that we cheated her on the deal…”

“Still, you never did pay me back for those rabbits. I got screwed.”

I could do nothing but stare up at the ceiling while he changed the subject yet again and started asking how he could make some changes to his blog to get more traffic.

The rabbits were HIS idea. HE negotiated for them without my knowing about it. HE told me that “we” had to go “rescue” them tomorrow or who knows what would happen to them. I had no intention of getting rabbits and if I had known how M would use them to torture me I would have put my foot down and refused to take on more responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, they are great and I love the two that remain (they were not young when they came to me, and five of them have passed on) but I would never have agreed to it if I’d known the whole truth about their situation and what he would demand of me forever more.

I found out where he’s hiding his wallet. Yep, there’s a big ol’ wad of cash in there and he is trying everything he can think of to get more money from me, including bringing up this old shit that he knows very well I paid him back for.

See, at first the rabbits were a “gift” because we didn’t have a place to have sheep (long story – another post) and he wanted to show how supportive he is of my fiber arts, but it quickly turned into a Huge Obligation that he felt he should be compensated for, as all his “gifts” are. What a fucking mess!

So, basically, I owe him money for everything he ever thought of doing “for” me, and everything he needs to pay for now, and everything he will have to pay for in the future because it’s “all for [me]” and I should take responsibility for that debt right now.

Oh, I’m not allowed to be angry that he’s bringing up all this shit, either, I should “act like an adult” and “take responsibility for everything that [he] has done for [me].”

Believe me when I say the only thing keeping me from exploding right now is knowing that he will be going out of town soon and I will be out of here! The Boss is on board and will give me as much time off as I need to make it happen.

Question: Do I leave a note? What’s the protocol here?

* I like to read before I go to sleep – it helps me unwind and has become a habit I love to indulge in. M, of course, is offended if I continue to read after he comes to bed and has devised various ways of showing just how irritated it makes him, one of which is trying to engage me in conversation, forcing me to put the book down to talk to him. I’ve tried ignoring him – it doesn’t work and usually escalates the situation, as does putting him off or telling him that I will put the book down in just a minute. He really is a child.

** It’s a long story that I think I hinted at some time ago. A is a Narc Dick who was having an affair. He decided to leave his wife and three teen kids to live with the exotic dancer he was fucking. Before he went, he sold off everything of value around the property. Seven of those things were angora rabbits. I was told it was a “rescue” that his wife was too busy to take care of them, the kids were not interested and A would give them to “us” for free. “Free” turned into $600 in trade (coincidentally the exact same cost of new tires for M’s truck) for some of M’s Cool Stuff. A neglected to mention that his wife was not interested in letting the rabbits go – she was in fact taking care of them, but he convinced her that it was in her best interests to let them go. [Sorry, another aside – when we went to pick them up it was a bizarre scene – M was hopping around, very anxious to get out of there, J was upset, A was doing his best to distract her from the reason we were there with a thinly veiled hunt for a missing debit card. Just strange, and I didn’t know what to make of it. I had the distinct feeling that I should not be there at all.] J was very cool towards me in later e-mail exchanges and I got the impression that she was angry but did not know why. Turns out A had told her that she would be getting $600 cash for the rabbits, but that M and I had cheated him on the deal and she was out of luck. He added a few more lies for good measure and left her soon after with a boat load of debt and a bunch of missing stuff – he also “sold” M a spinning wheel that I just found out belonged to J. Wonder if she knows where it went? What a dick!


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11 responses to “Out of the Blue

  1. talkingtoguy

    December 22, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    When my father heard from his fiancee that I was thinking about leaving, he pulled a similar tactic. He began listing off everything he had done for me (even if those things were never done) and listed off every gift that he expected me to pay him back for. The idea was that he would get the money he had been pursuing and that because I had to pay him that much money I wouldn’t be moving out because I’d have nothing left to move on.

    The thing is though, it’s just a ploy to get more money. If you stay, he wins, if you give him money, he wins, if you agree, he wins.

    I ended it when I gave my father the money for two months of rent (meaning he saw it as a win for him) and told him my mother would be there to pick me up with or without my stuff (then moved two weeks into the second month so that there couldn’t be a demand for money for one day late). My mother did a similar thing, though, and it ended with her only getting some of her stuff and the police got involved. It really depends on the temperament of the people involved.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 22, 2012 at 5:07 pm

      He pretty much wins no matter what I do, and that really pisses me off!

      I leave, and he gets to play the Pity Card with his friends about how I “abandoned” him in his time of need after all these years of “supporting” me and now he doesn’t know how he’ll go on.

      I stay and keep taking his shit and giving him money and sex and my soul, he gets everything he possibly can from me and then tosses me aside when HE is ready.

      There’s no winning for me except that by leaving I get to take my life back and save my soul from being totally destroyed by this evil animal.

      I hope to circumvent his personality by leaving when he is out of town. I will get an Order of Protection if I have to, but I’m hoping he will just turn his back and forget I was ever there.

      I really don’t know what he will do when I leave – he could rage and stalk me, constantly e-mail and call, or he could just go on as if I was nothing more than a bump in the road of his life. We shall see…

      • talkingtoguy

        December 22, 2012 at 5:24 pm

        He’s been getting money from you? On the outside he might appear to be alright with your leaving but he’ll probably have a bit of a melt down. Especially if he thinks you’re under his control.

      • Sofia Leo

        December 22, 2012 at 6:13 pm

        For the last 3+ years I have been paying him $600 (sometimes as much as $1000) per month to pay the bills – he does not work. The house is paid for (by him – see the post called $50,000 for details about that,) and since I live in it, I have absolutely no problem paying the bills, which are pretty minimal, as we live frugally. A few months ago we got into an argument and he told me that the money I paid to him was not enough to pay the bills, that he pays “at least $600 each month” out of his checking account. Being a reasonably intelligent person, I thought that meant that it actually costs $1200 to live here and was a little surprised. I got out the bill stubs to see if I could figure out how that was possible (all while he is yelling and telling me I’m insulting him by even questioning what he’s saying) and sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed. He finally admitted that “my” money does not pay the bills – the money that actually pays the bills came out of his checking account in the form of checks that were then mailed off to the utility companies, etc, while “my” money was kept in the form of cash to buy whatever the hell he wanted to buy. See the logic? The money I pay to him does not pay the bills – “his” money pays the bills! Technically true, but fundamentally false. It’s one of the ways he twists the truth to control me.

        I have taken over all bill paying and he has forced me to pay two years worth of property taxes (he “forgot” to pay property taxes last year) and moorage and registration for two boats. He says that I still “owe” him for countless things.

        Meanwhile, he has $2000 cash in his wallet and another $1600 in the bank – he’ll be fine until he can find some other sucker to pay his bills.

        Short answer – yes, I do give him money. God, that pisses me off!!

  2. Melanie

    December 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    I mailed a letter to my ex. He went out-of-town to his parent’s house, so I sent it there.

  3. Awana

    December 23, 2012 at 2:10 am

    The protocol is to be selfish (in a good way)…no letters, no nothing;it won’t mean anything anyway. They never change!! What would you say? You are the only person in the world who will be concerned about whether you are a bump in the road (which, sadly, we basically are). You will always be waiting for a reply–is that what you want? You will worry or wonder about it for some time, but it will fade to nothingness if you truly want to create a new life and find happiness and peace. Reinvent yourself! Most people dont’ have this luxury!! I still had some niggling doubt as to whether you were serious or just playing a game, but with this story I was shocked into recalling an incident that was a lot like this,(involving dogs, the other buddy’s wife, blame, a lie about the supposed “vacation” to get rid of said dogs, and a threat of death) and once again, can’t believe anyone else would have had to live through such a humiliation–I am a dummy! There comes a time when we have to divest ourselves of people that even hint of greed or manipulation. They will ALWAYS be up to no good. They are immature and can’t help themselves, but you can! It is difficult to change yourself and your habits, but it can be done, even if you slip back along the way. It’s kinda like a personal AA trip, I suppose. The problem is, it really is your own trip—there will be no meetings held, ever. And, a thought I had today is: living alone as a woman should not be seen as either a lesser state or a failure. Society and male-identified women will try to make you feel bad, but …screw ’em. You may have to have a surly attitude for awhile, but you will mellow–hopefully! Nobody likes a bitter melon. Except Asian whores, who can all go drop dead. Gee, I had better go find some Xmas spirit around this joint…

    • Sofia Leo

      December 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm

      You should know that my usual mood is “surly” 🙂 I never cared what other people thought until I got involved with ex #1 – I was determined to go my own way and fuck the rest of the world. My, how that changed with the addition of a penis in my life! I don’t care about gossipy women. I don’t care about men who think they know what’s best for me. I am ready for adventure and I’m gonna have some!

  4. Lou

    December 23, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Man, I would be SO tempted to leave a note along the lines of “You suck. You are unattractive. You are a dud root. You aren’t a man and can’t earn a living. You are SO boring. Ta ta for now and forever, sucker.” But that’s the mean in me!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm

      I thought about that, but what a waste of energy. I’ve already told him that he treats me badly, I’ve begged him to be nice to me. I’ve outlined exactly what he does to me that I can no longer tolerate and he does it again and again, even after apologizing and promising never to do it again. I said that I should move out so he can have his dream of living on his boat. I’m thinking a very simple note: “I’ve moved out so that you can realize your dream of living on your boat with nothing to hold you back. I want NO CONTACT from you. We are done. I have nothing more to say.” Short and sweet. I don’t want to start a war, but sometimes I do…

  5. El Guapo

    January 2, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    Mostly I enjoyed reading the hypocrisy. As I recall, you aren’t allowed to bring up stuff you didn’t mention when it first happened.

    One question – what color is the sky in this guy’s world?


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