I hate this time of year

18 Dec

My family lives 3-4 hours away, and I would love to see them, but M has ruined any happiness that visiting with my family brings.

My Mom is always over the top about Christmas, decorating two trees in her house, tinsel earrings, Holiday socks, the whole she-bang, and my Sis and I grew up with lots of festivities and family time and good food.

M mocks my Mom’s joy in this season. He has made it very clear that we do not have the time or money to travel so far for a holiday that he does not believe in. He will moan about consumerism and entitlement and say that he hates a holiday that “forces” people to give gifts when they may not want to give or be able to afford.

I always point out that it’s the thought that counts and that my family prefers home-made gifts over anything bought at the store. I make soap and cookies, my sister makes fudge, my Mom sews, etc. – we are always thrilled with what the others have created and honestly love to talk about it and compare notes. We are a crafty family and proud of it.

M sees gifts at dollar signs, but would deny that with his last breath. The stories I could tell!

Living with a Narc will forever change the way I see the Holidays. You see, it’s all about HIM. I have no particular religious affiliation, so Christmas has never been about that for me, but about spending time with family that I might only see a couple of times a year, eating way too much and exchanging thoughtful gifts.

I’ve already written about M’s expectations with gifts and how I never get him what he Really Wants and how that ties me into knots every.damned.time. Next week will be more of the same, and I’m dreading it.

He will get me, if anything, the usual box of chocolates. They will be fruit-filled (which I hate) or have marshmallows in (also yuck) and he will lecture me about my horrible eating habits and caution me to make them last so I don’t get fat. Each one will taste like sawdust and give me a stomach ache. Last year I just tossed two a day into the trash, getting a little thrill each time at the wasted money. Petty, I admit, but satisfying at the time.

He will expect me to spend between $200 and $300 on a thoughtful, meaningful gift that I present to him in a lovely wrapped package. He will admire it for half a minute and then tell me all the ways it is Not Right. He may give it back. He may tell me to return it. He will tell me that it was not at all what he wanted (he may have said in very plain terms that he DID want this particular thing, but I will have bought the wrong brand. Or the wrong color. Or the wrong size.) He will tell me that he said very specifically what he wanted and I ignored him. This will not be true, but he will be adamant that he told me exactly what to get him and I didn’t listen.

I really want to just cancel Christmas, but don’t know how he will take that. He loves a gift-getting occasion. After the backlash of his b-day, I’m afraid of what he’ll do to make my life miserable, but OTOH, I don’t know if I really care any more.

Just knotted up with dread, navel gazing and hoping for a painless solution.


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16 responses to “I hate this time of year

  1. Awana

    December 18, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Well, this is how it was for me.So sad, so pitiful. Now I am just the pitiful, unmarried, childless thrid wheel. So, I STAY HOME!!!!! or work, which pleases me, because I can make $$$$!! Which is the best revenge. Oh, well, again–you will have to decide how much you can take, if you want to take it, and if you want to leave.l You may think, “well, haven’t I made it clear?” Nope. I will believe it when I “see” it. Good luck. Not being mean, but …if one cannot accept a loving gift gracefully, they need to go. Or you do.

  2. Shannon Ketchersid

    December 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I too hate this time of year thanks to the narc I am divorcing…after attorney fees, court fees, therapy costs etc…I haven’t the money to give the kids the type of Christmas that they were used to before N entered our lives. I’m attempting to focus on what we DO have vice what we did have or should have. I am sorry that anyone has to suffer because of creeps like this…I wish you a Happy Holiday in spite of your circumstances.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 19, 2012 at 7:21 pm

      Happy Holidays to you, too! A friend has suggested a very high fence be built around the state of Louisiana and all of the narcs, sociopaths, child molesters, etc. be put behind it. Let them kill each other off until there are none left. Seems extreme, but it sure would make life easier for so many of us…

  3. Paula

    December 18, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Get yourself a ticket to see Life of Pi in 3-D and enjoy Christmas in a quiet and dark movie theatre. Maybe I am a heartless bitch like My X often accused me of being, because our last Christmas (a month before I left him) I got him nothing. He didn’t like the gift I gave him the previous Christmas until a few months later when he realized it was trendy. He bitched and moaned about not getting a gift and accused me of being selfish. I simply told him that he made gift giving a chore when it should be fun. I gave him the option of returning my gifts. He contemplated it until his friend told him he was being an asshole. Hehe!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 19, 2012 at 7:19 pm

      I read the book and have heard that the movie is a pale imitation, so I probably won’t go to see Life of Pi. I’m not sure if the theater in town is open on Christmas, but I will find out – sounds like a good idea.

      I did buy him some clothes, but will not give them to him for a few days. We are near enough the same size that I could keep the clothes and wear them myself 🙂 I saved the receipt and can always return them.

      I just want peace so he will think everything is fine and leave town for a few days. Don’t rock the boat. Prison would not be a nice place to live 🙂

      • Paula

        December 19, 2012 at 7:23 pm

        The film is never as good as the book if the film only tries replicating the book. Unlike most, Life of Pi succeeds and impresses visually. Ang Lee, the director of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, directed Pi. It’s a must see in 3-D. Really! 🙂

  4. Lou

    December 19, 2012 at 1:35 am

    Don’t get him a gift! Why should you? Or better still, get him chocolates. And say that as he gets you chocolates you decided to get him the same. He can’t possibly complain. And if he does, ask him to explain why it is you can’t expect something but he does?

    • Sofia Leo

      December 19, 2012 at 1:25 pm

      LOL! Getting M chocolates would get quite a reaction, as he’s allergic to chocolate! I have a big smile on my face just thinking about it 🙂

  5. Melanie

    December 19, 2012 at 3:51 am

    Add up everything you have paid for for him this year and give him the receipt. Put a bow on it. He’s already gotten what he wants – you supporting him while he hides money.

  6. Janine

    December 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Give the gift of loneliness and leave. Go see your family, by yourself and love every minute of it. Maybe that will give you the final push to leave when you see how wonderful it is. The painless solution is the one you have been avoiding and making excuses for. The new year is right around the corner…time for a new beginning.

    • Paula

      December 19, 2012 at 1:35 pm

      I agree 100% with Janine. Start oving this holidays again beginning this year.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 19, 2012 at 7:16 pm

      Can’t go out of town because of jury duty. Next year!

  7. Awana

    December 19, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Considering you work at a SWEET SHOP–this HABITUAL gift is coals to Newscastle…how tacky….

  8. El Guapo

    January 2, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    Oh, but think how good next years will be!


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