My family lives 3-4 hours away, and I would love to see them, but M has ruined any happiness that visiting with my family brings.
My Mom is always over the top about Christmas, decorating two trees in her house, tinsel earrings, Holiday socks, the whole she-bang, and my Sis and I grew up with lots of festivities and family time and good food.
M mocks my Mom’s joy in this season. He has made it very clear that we do not have the time or money to travel so far for a holiday that he does not believe in. He will moan about consumerism and entitlement and say that he hates a holiday that “forces” people to give gifts when they may not want to give or be able to afford.
I always point out that it’s the thought that counts and that my family prefers home-made gifts over anything bought at the store. I make soap and cookies, my sister makes fudge, my Mom sews, etc. – we are always thrilled with what the others have created and honestly love to talk about it and compare notes. We are a crafty family and proud of it.
M sees gifts at dollar signs, but would deny that with his last breath. The stories I could tell!
Living with a Narc will forever change the way I see the Holidays. You see, it’s all about HIM. I have no particular religious affiliation, so Christmas has never been about that for me, but about spending time with family that I might only see a couple of times a year, eating way too much and exchanging thoughtful gifts.
I’ve already written about M’s expectations with gifts and how I never get him what he Really Wants and how that ties me into knots every.damned.time. Next week will be more of the same, and I’m dreading it.
He will get me, if anything, the usual box of chocolates. They will be fruit-filled (which I hate) or have marshmallows in (also yuck) and he will lecture me about my horrible eating habits and caution me to make them last so I don’t get fat. Each one will taste like sawdust and give me a stomach ache. Last year I just tossed two a day into the trash, getting a little thrill each time at the wasted money. Petty, I admit, but satisfying at the time.
He will expect me to spend between $200 and $300 on a thoughtful, meaningful gift that I present to him in a lovely wrapped package. He will admire it for half a minute and then tell me all the ways it is Not Right. He may give it back. He may tell me to return it. He will tell me that it was not at all what he wanted (he may have said in very plain terms that he DID want this particular thing, but I will have bought the wrong brand. Or the wrong color. Or the wrong size.) He will tell me that he said very specifically what he wanted and I ignored him. This will not be true, but he will be adamant that he told me exactly what to get him and I didn’t listen.
I really want to just cancel Christmas, but don’t know how he will take that. He loves a gift-getting occasion. After the backlash of his b-day, I’m afraid of what he’ll do to make my life miserable, but OTOH, I don’t know if I really care any more.
Just knotted up with dread, navel gazing and hoping for a painless solution.