An interesting development…

03 Dec

His checkbook has been mysteriously absent from its prominent place on his desk. I riffled around until I found it hidden under some stuff. His balance as of 10/31 is just over $3,600. The last entry says simply “DIV.” So he still has some investments out there that are paying dividends? After telling me that he is totally broke and will be living under a bridge unless he can find someone to buy this house on contract to give him an income? WTF?



Posted by on December 3, 2012 in Deceptions



25 responses to “An interesting development…

  1. CrazyTragicAlmostMagic

    December 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Just thinking outside the box. Are we sure “DIV” means dividends?

  2. Paula

    December 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    You’re not married, so it certainly doesn’t mean he hired a divorce lawyer. Why not leave this week? The guy can fend for himself and will do it easily. He’s keeping you there just because these types must have someone to control or they are left with their empty selves. The longer you stay, the more you feed his habits of abuse upon you. πŸ™‚

    • Sofia Leo

      December 4, 2012 at 11:53 am

      You’re right, Paula. I seem to be stuck this week – stomach churning, can’t eat, nervous every minute. Taking the last step is proving to be harder than I thought it would be. There are a couple of loose ends that need to be tied up to make this split go smoothly, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to control everything to my advantage. I know! Just let that shit go. I’m working on it πŸ™‚

      • Paula

        December 4, 2012 at 12:04 pm

        My plans were thwarted by a damn snowstorm!!! I had the same feelings that you’re having. Everything seemed to be acting against my decision to leave. But in hindsight, all of those diversions were in my head. It was JUST snow. It was JUST a delayed pay check. It was JUST temporary living space at my sister’s place. But the abuse wasn’t just. πŸ™‚

      • Sofia Leo

        December 4, 2012 at 12:15 pm

        He has trained me well – I look at everything from every angle, judging what might set him off, and I find myself stuck in that loop, unable to act.

        Tomorrow will be a big day, I’ve made the decision to put money down on a travel trailer. The owner has her own horror story of getting out of an abusive relationship and has agreed to let me make a large down payment and the rest in three installments. It’s set up in a park and is move-in ready. I will rent a storage unit and put my stuff there until I can sell it or fit it into the trailer.

        It might seem like an odd choice – but I’ve downsized so far from a house full of furniture to a room and odds and ends scattered through the house, I don’t think this will be much of a change. If you were to walk into the house that M and I share, you would see only him until you got to the computer room, where I have stuff in the open closet and my computer desk. The furniture is all his, the artwork on the walls is all his, he wants my stuff to be in the back where it can’t be seen. Just writing that makes me very sad. I’ve never been a Real part of that house. Or any other, come to think of it…

      • Paula

        December 4, 2012 at 1:10 pm

        I know exactly what that’s like. It’s what I left. HIS home. It never would have been OURS. I had clothes, a small writing desk, and a bedside table, both gifts from my mother. I didnt dare leave them with him. The one space I had was my son’s room, which he gave him as a condition of me moving in. But my son and I shared the space. It was odd. Just too divided. Never a meshing of US. Just like every aspect of the relationship.

  3. Awana

    December 3, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    He just wants you to pay for everything!!! and he will slide into not working to the point where he can’t get out and work anymore. You’d be doing him a favor by leaving, as it would force him to DO SOMETHING. You know, we always have to work in our lives. So, let’s all just get on with it. Adn stop trying to get other people to pay our way.

    • Sofia Leo

      December 4, 2012 at 11:57 am

      Don’t know if I want to do him any favors πŸ™‚ At this point he will find it very hard to find the work he thinks he deserves and there is no way he will ever take a “humiliating” minimum wage job. But he’ll finally be able to live his dream – on his boat.

  4. Melanie

    December 4, 2012 at 6:01 am

    I’m sorry, I’m sure you’ve already talked about this, but why isn’t he working?

    • Sofia Leo

      December 4, 2012 at 12:09 pm

      He “retired” when we moved in together back in 2004. He had money in the bank and bought a 5-acre farm so that I could live my dream, but that quickly turned sour. Can’t remember if I blogged about that disaster. He moved here so that he could work on boats (his love is building and restoring wood boats) and have his boat in the water. It hasn’t worked out so well, mostly (IMHO) because he stepped on the toes of the local shipwright and is abrasive to people who could give him work. He has a huge problem just saying, “Yes, sir, no, sir” to someone who is willing to pay him wages – he has to be right all.the.time. even when he’s not, and, funny enough, there are a lot of men out there who don’t like that sort of attitude and don’t take kindly to an employee who is so rebellious. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that many of the men (at least in this tourist town) who live on/work on boats are assholes of one sort of another – they are alone and angry because people don’t want to be around them. M has a hard time when he’s not allowed to be Top Asshole πŸ™‚

      • Melanie

        December 4, 2012 at 12:16 pm

        Ah, ok. He made the choice to stop working. Of course.
        I hope he can’t find a box any bigger than a shoebox when he doesn’t have you to support his retirement any longer.

      • Sofia Leo

        December 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm

        He has a 36-foot live-aboard sailboat to move onto. I paid the moorage fee, so he’s good until October 2013. The particular marina where the boat is does not allow living aboard, but there are ways around that – he could even move upriver to dock with a friend, or go downriver to a different marina, using “his” refund to pay most of the moorage there. That sounds really fucked up, eh? I paid for his housing for the next year while scraping along and being miserable myself. It’s good to be angry – keeps me moving forward!

      • Melanie

        December 4, 2012 at 12:32 pm

        A 36-foot live-aboard sailboat isn’t big enough for his ego (and I’d bet he’d live wherever the eff he wants, allowed or not).

      • Sofia Leo

        December 4, 2012 at 12:36 pm

        LOL! You’re right about that! He often talks about how there are no “rules” for anchoring out just about anywhere, so, yeah, he could move the boat every day and not pay a penny for “rent,” just tie up at a marina for a day to use the facilities and then set off again. His dream, actually. Not mine, obviously. Can you imagine being shut up in a boat with this asshole, far from land, no escape at all? I can – that’s why I refused.

      • Melanie

        December 4, 2012 at 12:48 pm

        It would be acceptable only if one was suicidal and wanted to drown because that’s what living on a boat with M would lead to, no doubt.

  5. Sofia Leo

    December 4, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Or homicidal – I’ve given it some thought, I admit – people get lost at sea all the time…

  6. anewfreelife

    December 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Just a heads up, Honey, but my Ahole watched me go without medical care after a mini-stroke (I was suffering horribly) because we didn’t have insurance or money. Found out later that he had been socking away money in a private account and crying broke, broke. His little private account was because his intention was to bleed me dry and leave me, which he did. Your Ahole may be planning to leave you, too. It’s better if you can be the one to walk out on him, if you can use the element of surprise to your advantage. I am so relieved you got that travel trailer! Enjoy decorating it with you! My house was always the same way. I had a house full of brand new furniture when I married him, but I had to sell it to pay bills when he up and quit a job (because his Ahole boss wanted to be top Ahole!). When we finally replaced stuff it was all to his tastes, not mine. The only thing in my living room now that I haven’t moved outside (yes, his crap is sitting in the rain) is a chair and the entertainment center. If he ever signs the divorce papers he can come get it all. In the meantime, I have a lovely dining table and shelf that I LOVE. I have put up beautiful artwork that I CHOSE. I love walking in my house now and looking at MY stuff. You will, too. No matter how small, it will represent you. I hope you post pics when that day arrives! Hang tough!

    • Sofia Leo

      December 7, 2012 at 11:53 am

      I can’t tell you how wonderful it would be if he left me! I would jump for joy to see a “For Sale” sign go up in the yard and for him to tell me that I needed to move. It would make the whole situation so much easier if he would just admit that he’s done with me and let me go. He still thinks he can get more from me, though, so he’s not making his plans public yet.

      The travel trailer deal fell through – I just can’t make the money work out and I can’t take the chance of leaving with a bunch of money owing on my new digs. There will be another. My gut is just screaming that it would be a wrong move, and I have to listen this time, after years and years of swallowing it down and ignoring Red Flags. Frustrating, but salvation is just around the corner…

      • anewfreelife

        December 8, 2012 at 8:18 pm

        Oh, shoot! I wanted that for you so badly! Please, please, please, another trailer or whatever, come her way!

      • Sofia Leo

        December 9, 2012 at 12:08 pm

        Thank you for your positive thoughts!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: