More Insanity

28 Nov

He woke up in a bad mood today. I knew by the silence and his stiff posture in bed. Whatever. I got up and took the dog out, made breakfast and joined him on the couch where he was sniffling and obviously wanting to talk. An apology was not on his agenda, and I knew it.

He asked me if I could schedule some time to help him take down a couple of trees so the wood could season for next year. I responded with my work schedule and said that I would be happy to help.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me your schedule,” he responded.

You’re kidding, right? “Well…it takes most of the day to take down a tree and clean up the mess, so I thought it would be helpful for you to know what days I have other obligations.”

“No – it’s all dependent on the weather, you know – there needs to be no wind and doing it on a day that’s not raining would be best.”

Right. Okay. So I am expected to schedule the next tree falling date? Give me a break!

He was being all pitiful, waiting for me to soothe his poor frayed nerves, but I had work to do so I booted up my computer and got started.

Half an hour later he comes into the room. “I want to move the plywood in the back room. Do I have your permission to move your stuff out of the way?”

“Sure. Do you need any help?”

“NO.” Whatever.

I went on with my work.* He was back a few minutes later. “Some of the things need two people to move.”

“Okay, I’m coming.”

This all lead to a huge row. Seems that it’s “humiliating” for him to ask for my assistance. I should be willing and eager to “work as a team” on a project that is for “both of us.”

First off, that fucking plywood is for boat building. I have absolutely nothing to do with that plywood or the boat is will be used for. It has nothing to do with me except that it is stored in what he said would be my space when I agreed to move in with him. Moving it is in no way MY project.

According to him, there shouldn’t be My projects and His projects – it’s all supposed to be a teamwork effort towards a common goal. And on and on.

I was out of line when I asked if he wanted my help. I’m not using the “correct language” and my mind set is all wrong – I should be eager to jump up and take on any “project” that he’s involved with, I should know exactly what needs to happen and work to make it happen seamlessly. I am not “helping” him, so I shouldn’t be using that word.

“Fine. What words would you like me to use to express my willingness to join you in doing a job that requires two people?”

“You need to figure that out for yourself.”

“Obviously I am not figuring it out for myself, so maybe you could help me out here and share with me the “correct” language?”

What a can of worms I opened there. He sat down and started lecturing. I cut him off with, “I really don’t have the time or desire to have this circular argument right now. Could we just move this plywood and move on to something else?”

Nope. I kept insisting until he got agitated at my ignorance and inability to “internalize” these important issues. Finally, when he wasn’t getting anything but me looking at the floor, he said, “Why don’t you go fuck yourself?!?” He said it twice. I left the room.

He came after me, calling me a “petulant, self-righteous child” and demanded that I respond to him.

“You told me to go fuck myself, so I left the room. I deserve more respect than that!” WTF I was doing standing up for myself I don’t know, but I had had enough.

He started to berate me, to explain why I deserved to be talked to any way he wanted to, and each time he got out three words, I yelled, “You told me to go fuck myself! You told me to go fuck myself!” Over and over again, pointing my finger at his chest and getting louder with each repetition.

And then it happened. He put his hands up like he was going to take hold of me. Oh, yes he did. I took a big step back. The look on his face became predatory.

“Go ahead, slap me,” he said with a gleam in his eye.

“Oh, no, I’m not going to touch you,” I snarled back.

“We need to sit down and talk about this,” he said.

And that’s when I turned on the recorder. Time is running out for blogging tonight, so I will try to transcribe what was said tomorrow.

* Work that pays very well and requires a certain amount of concentration.


Posted by on November 28, 2012 in Emotional Abuse, Narcissist


Tags: , ,

16 responses to “More Insanity

  1. Paula

    November 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    They want us to take the first swing, to abuse them so they can convince themselves it’s all our crazy faults. And then they can convince others, too. I made a true effort NOT to touch My X during our “rows.” Holding out is what gave me the strength to leave in the end. I couldn’t engage him; it was too tiresome for me. I don’t foresee you bring able to deal with this for much longer. You have so many other more important relationships to build and foster. 🙂

    • Sofia Leo

      November 29, 2012 at 12:00 pm

      I won’t lay a hand on him – I know better. I really want to, though. I really want to hurt him the way he has hurt me, but I know that Narcs only thrive on that shit and I refuse to give him any more. Eyes on the floor, no speaking, quietly pack things up, let friends “borrow” some of my favorite things to get them to safety. The plans are coming together.

    • Sofia Leo

      November 29, 2012 at 12:00 pm

      I won’t lay a hand on him – I know better. I really want to, though. I really want to hurt him the way he has hurt me, but I know that Narcs only thrive on that shit and I refuse to give him any more. Eyes on the floor, no speaking, quietly pack things up, let friends “borrow” some of my favorite things to get them to safety. The plans are coming together.

  2. lifebegins45

    November 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    Oh, I know those “terminology” arguments all too well! Exasperating and exhausting! They manipulate us into ‘reacting’ in such a way that will appear to victimize THEM, in order to use that against US! We know too well how they play that game. As soon as you can, please get out of there. There’s a life out there that is sooooo much better! When I called the police (both times) they showed up at my house for a statement. BOTH times I was told that he wasn’t too far away from becoming violent with me. I was told it was his next phase in brainwashing and control. I got out just in the nick of time. Yours is close, too…once the “go fuck yourself” starts, it’s only a matter of time. As soon as you are able. Even if it means going to a friend’s house for a while, to stay. Don’t worry about the holidays, or being “cruel” in leaving at what would seem the wrong time, like I did. He’ll play the ‘poor me’ card with his friends. He’ll do that anyway, with or without the holidays. You are most important!

    • Paula

      November 29, 2012 at 4:26 am

      Ditto what Lifebegins45 has said. I never called the police. He threatened to call the police on numerous occasions late at night when he would tell me to “Get the FUCK out of his house!” This normally came after my one-word reaction to his rants, “Cocksucker!” He hated that. It intensified his anger. I would beg him to call the police. I said, “What are they going to do for YOU?” I told him that they would look around HIS home and be able to clearly see that it was my home, too. Why should I leave? He’s the one flying off the handle and destroying mu things. But I did leave after only a month of moving in. (Up until that point, I had always maintained my own apartment because I didn’t want to move my son in with HIM praturely. I realized after finally moving in that I NEVER wanted my son exposed to that asshole.)

    • Sofia Leo

      November 29, 2012 at 11:56 am

      I could have a little bit of sympathy for what he’s trying to do, but he forgets that I am not an idiot. I know how to pronounce the words he’s using. I even know their real definitions! He wouldn’t get far if I insisted upon correcting his grammar and pronunciation 🙂 God, I’m a bitch.

      Yesterday brought home to me just how close he is to snapping and I will be stepping up my efforts to get out. I made the decision last night that I really can just flee with a bag of clothes, my computer (although just backing up the hard drive might be a better option if I have to go in a hurry) a fiddle and my dog. Vital documents are elsewhere, bank accounts do not have his name on them, there’s really nothing else that can’t be replaced. There are some things I would miss, but really, isn’t it time for a fresh start?

      I don’t give a fuck about the Holidays – he has ruined them for me forever.

  3. Awana

    November 29, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Yep. You have to be the one to blame and the only way is to make you do something. DO NOTHING. Don’t lower yourself, anyway. Be better. More mature. He is pitiful, but don’t make it YOUR worry. You’ve done all that you can. Wash your hands of it and move the heck on. Even if you guys got along and you let him yell at you just to get it out, it still ain’t right: it’s boring. “Tiresome” is right–sheesh. And who wants to be tired?

    • Sofia Leo

      November 29, 2012 at 11:51 am

      Exactly! I just refuse to believe that good relationships take so much “work” as he claims they do. You either respect each other or you don’t. What we have is nothing. And I am so tired of being tired.

  4. Melanie

    November 29, 2012 at 8:36 am

    He is a jackass. Sounds to me like he has decided you will be taking the day off work on the day he decides the wind and weather are right to cut down a tree. I doubt the wind and weather will be right, tho; he’ll pick a day that is most inconvenient to you (he’d like it if you got fired and could harass you even more).

    • Sofia Leo

      November 29, 2012 at 11:48 am

      He is a jackass. He is setting me up to disappoint him. Again. Fuck that. He’s on his own. If I happen to be home and available when he wants to cut down the trees, I will be there to call 911 if something happens. I might have a cup of tea first, though 🙂

      • Melanie

        November 29, 2012 at 11:51 am

        He is setting you up for failure. He’s ready to blow and setting up excuses to do it. I don’t like him (preaching to the choir).
        If you do have to call 911 for some dumbass injury, do have some tea first (LOL).

  5. El Guapo

    January 2, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    Seems like this is the first sign of him thinking about getting physical.
    Go you for standing up for yourself, and don’t stop, but watch out for him deciding that the emotional abuse isn’t getting the reaction he wants, and taking it a step further!


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