Best Behavior

23 Nov

It was a hard slog for me, but Turkey Day was as good as it could have been.

The three hour car ride into The Big City went fine, dry weather and I did my best to keep conversation light despite M’s efforts to find something to complain about.

We met up with my son, H and his Best Pal, B, to deliver the four of us to a buffet restaurant across town. The conversation on the way was fab – B really made an effort to be nice to M after many years of abuse whenever B and H were together – the two of them were a real handful as teens and were often the victims of M’s harsh tongue. Happily, they both seem to have let enough of it go to at least fake cheerfulness while in M’s presence. I am so proud of my boy! He has every reason to hate M forever, and probably does, but for his mom’s sake he behaved like a real trooper.

The buffet place was crowded beyond belief! I hate to be in crowds of people and I really don’t like to eat food that has been breathed upon and fondled by complete strangers of dubious cleanliness. Gak! I did manage to eat and chat with everyone.

There was only one “incident” when my Mom* said something about who was driving home and I told her that M always drove – my driving makes him nervous, so it’s just easier for him to drive. Comments were made about controlling men and that women can drive just fine, blah, blah. It’s a bit of a standing joke with the women in my family – we women haven’t had accidents or gotten tickets, every one of the men has, yet they insist that they are the better drivers and we women know that’s a pack of bullshit and occasionally call them on it. Really, I thought nothing of it, but M did and “set me straight” about the “facts” on the way home.

It seems that my driving is just fine. In fact, it has improved so much since M has been “instructing” me that he is no longer nervous to ride in the passenger seat. He would be happy to have me drive. In fact, he sees his driving as becoming more hesitant and “old man-like” and is a bit afraid to drive now. Well, huh. Doesn’t stop him from offering “advice” whenever I’m behind the wheel, or criticism about everything he can think of from how I position my rear view mirror to whether or not the dog is properly secured in the back seat. Quite a turn-around there! I blew it all off as a Family Joke and he (surprisingly) let it go.

We spent a couple of hours at his sister’s house, ate some calorie-overloaded food and watched football until I was about to crawl out of my skin. His nephew was actually conscious and functional, keeping up a very funny commentary about Holidays, football, consumerism and idiocy just quiet enough that his dad couldn’t hear. The niece was her typical selfish self, and left right after eating with her new boyfriend with hardly a backward glance. His sister actually kept her hands to herself and the men were quiet, barely acknowledging that we were there. Whew! Not too bad.

We got home late, but M headed right into the computer room to check his email. I’m sure his “old lover (who [he] still cares[s] for)” was waiting for a happy message. He has been guarding his cell phone very closely recently, which is quite unusual as for years and years he barely turns the thing on and often forgets it when he goes out. Not so the last couple of months – it’s always in his pocket and he checks the screen often throughout the day. Wonder what he’s hiding? Do I care? Meh.  Sometimes, maybe, but mostly, no.

* Kudos to Mom for being able to look M in the eye and act like he’s not a piece of shit after I told her some of the crap he pulls during a long phone call a couple of months ago. Pretty sure she understands the situation, but she would never make waves that would make my life more difficult. If I were to call her up and ask her to bring me a truck, she would be there in a hot second, and I know it. If I never say another word about what an asshole M is, she would never bring it up again, accepting my choice to stay with him.


Posted by on November 23, 2012 in Emotional Abuse, Narcissist


Tags: ,

5 responses to “Best Behavior

  1. Just Me With . . .

    November 24, 2012 at 7:44 am

    The sudden use of a cell phone. I know it well. Hugs. I’m glad the day was tolerable.

    • Sofia Leo

      November 24, 2012 at 12:57 pm

      Thanks! Knowing I’m making plans to leave makes many things more bearable 🙂

  2. El Guapo

    January 2, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    Glad to hear that your son is good, even after his time with M!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 3, 2013 at 9:21 am

      I don’t know how that boy turned out so well! I am really proud of him and plan to spend a lot of time with him this Summer to try to get back the close relationship we had when he was younger.


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