19 Nov

The cash has hit my bank account. Big sinking feeling in my stomach. M has gone to check on his boat. I am a bundle of nerves as I contemplate my next move.

Thursday we will be driving three hours one way on our yearly visit with our families*. I dread the time alone with him in the car, as always.

He has been hinting about things he would like me to make for him for Christmas, one of which is a pair of wool pants. I made a pair for myself that fit (even if I say it myself) Perfectly. He tried them on, and declared that he would love a pair for himself, with a few modifications, of course – add a fly zipper and waistband, raise the back by 1″, add man pockets to the front (and to the back, I’m sure, before he’s done discussing modifications) and make them an inch longer. So, basically make him a pair of pants just like mine but totally different, necessitating a total re-draft of the pattern and dealing with his Narc obsession with how his clothes fit. It’s a no-win for me. I haven’t even looked to see if I have fabric and I’m already tied in knots.

I know! Why am I even thinking about doing anything for this asshole? Because I am not out of this situation yet and don’t want him to be suspicious before I am ready to leave. I want the break to be as clean as possible, and I don’t know if that will happen before Christmas.

* His sister is very strange, as are his niece and nephew and BIL. His sis hangs on him, I mean, clings to him, pressing her boobs all up on him, every minute we’re there. As an incest survivor, this really creeps me out. I have told him it makes me uncomfortable, but he refuses to peel her off him. She sends him letters and cards throughout the year, signing them, “I love you very, very much!” like a jilted lover. There is something very wrong with that family.

His niece and nephew have obvious social problems – still in bed when we get there, refusing to get up and come out to see their Beloved Uncle M, sulking in another room. Just weird. They are both in their mid-20’s, so it’s not just teen angst crap. The niece will write sappy notes in cards, but as soon as we arrive she turns into some other person, one who is very unpleasant to be around, says nothing nice about anyone. The nephew is almost catatonic from drugs to deal with his “depression.” Neither has a steady job, nor have they moved out of their parents’ house for more than a few months at a time.

BIL will say hi and then disappear into the basement, never to return until we are on our way out the door.

Last year the whole family was still in bed when we arrived. At 11:30. On the one day a year we travel to see them. They were expecting us, and they knew what time we would be arriving.

The whole thing is just strange and feels very wrong to me.


Posted by on November 19, 2012 in Emotional Abuse, Escape Plans, Narcissist


Tags: ,

13 responses to “Whew!

  1. lifebegins45

    November 19, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    Oh sweety! I can only imagine what you are going through! I do know the anxiety, though, and mental/psychological pre-prep you try to do before hand, to avoid being blind-sided. One day closer to freedom, dear-heart! Wish I could just come get you and you could spend Thanksgiving with me!! What you are going into sounds absolutely miserable. Hang in there! You’re almost there!

    • Sofia Leo

      November 20, 2012 at 2:10 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words. The hardest part is having no one IRL to share my plans with. I have one friend here who knows what is going on and I am really sorry to have put her in that difficult position – she and M have met and I know she hates him and has to hide it. I have stopped talking about her in the hopes that she will fly under M’s radar and he won’t think of her when I do leave. I can’t confide in anyone else for fear they will tip M off out of some sense of “obligation” to him. I’m sure he will poison anyone we know against me at the earliest opportunity (if he hasn’t already) and that makes me sad. I can only hope they see through him sooner rather than after he has taken advantage of them.

  2. Melanie

    November 20, 2012 at 3:56 am

    I’ve been thinking about this. What if the niece, nephew, & BIL are hiding from the great uncle M? What if they don’t want to listen to him go on & on about how great he is & how much they need to improve? He probably hasn’t treated them very well either.

    • Sofia Leo

      November 20, 2012 at 1:52 pm

      I’m sure he hasn’t treated them very well. He has a very disdainful opinion of them all and says that he has always wondered if Gypsies didn’t drop him off on the porch as a baby. The fact that he looks just like his dad and has many of his attitudes and mannerisms is a constant source of irritation and horror.

      They all profess great love for him, though, and beg him to come visit with e-mails, cards and phone calls. They just don’t get what an ass he is. Or they are as stupid as he says they are.

      I have been discouraged from getting to know them, so I really don’t have the whole picture, and I don’t care any more 🙂

      • Melanie

        November 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

        Good luck with the drive and the dinner. Knowing it is the last holiday season with that monster will help you get thru it.

      • Sofia Leo

        November 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

        You got that right! He’s keeping it up with the Holiday gift hints, hot and heavy. He has a long list of things he would like me to buy for him this year. As if.

      • Melanie

        November 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm

        And I bet he hasn’t bothered to ask you what you want for Christmas?

      • Sofia Leo

        November 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm

        Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That is truly funny! He has never once asked me what I want for a gift-giving occasion. He relies upon his Mad Gift-Giving Skillz to choose something that HE wants me to have. It is almost never anything that I would buy for myself (except for a box of chocolates, his usual gift the last few years, but I would spare myself the lecture about how eating them will make my ass even bigger) and every gift comes with strings – he wants to dictate how and when the gift gets used and its care and storage while it is in my possession. Much whining and/or yelling accompanies any deviation from his plans for MY gift.

      • Melanie

        November 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

        Been there, glad to be done with that. Shit. These assholes are all identical.

      • Sofia Leo

        November 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

        There must be a factory somewhere churning them out, a hundred an hour or something…

  3. Awana

    November 20, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    Men begat men…it’s all I can figure….believe me, your adventure has just begun…you will need time to equilibrate before you can figure out who you are and where your life will take you;however, you are more prepared than most!

    • Sofia Leo

      November 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm

      Men begat men…Interesting idea. It makes a lot of sense.


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