M started in on me before I was fully awake this morning.
“What are you going to do?” he asks.
“What do you mean?” I reply.
“Are you going to take a shower in the next 10 minutes?”
“Good. Then I can get in there. Our whole life revolves around you and what you want to do,” this said as he rolls out of bed.
Great. I was hoping he would hold off this shit until AFTER I’d paid the bills – you know, demonstrate that he is aware that I’m contributing to our life together and not being the selfish bitch he accuses me of being. But no.
I am irresponsible because I don’t want to pay the property tax bill tomorrow. It arrived in the mail yesterday, double what it should be because he “forgot” to pay it last year. So all of a sudden I have to come up with an additional $1200 because of his mistake. Fine. I agreed to pay the property taxes. I was not aware that there was a time limit (besides the actual due date*) for paying, but according to him we have to go down there tomorrow and pay in person and all this additional drama and crap that I don’t care about.
According to him, I lied when I told him it was taken care of – before the bill even arrived. I was pretty sure it was taken care of and did not feel up to yet another lecture about how stupid and irresponsible I am. I have enough cash on hand to put in the bank to make up the shortage. I do actually have the money to pay the bill, but that doesn’t matter to M – nope! I am a total loser. The fact that I managed to save $3000 between June 1 and Sept 15 on minimum wage while maintaining the lifestyle to which I have been condemned doesn’t merit even a passing wave of congratulations.
According to M, if I were a mature adult able to talk about money, I would have seen the bill and then opened a dialogue about how I was a bit short and asked if he could make up the difference and we would have sat around like Normal People and it would have been a Simple Discussion instead of the Lecture it has to become once my “lie” and “childish behavior” had been exposed.
Which led, as it always does, to how Truly Awful his life has become, how lonely he feels, how much of a failure he is, how all he wants to do is live on his boat, but he just can’t handle being alone, how his mind is becoming more and more confused, how he just can’t physically keep up with house maintenance or even his Fun Activities any more, oh, woe is me!
We got back around to the Budget Bullshit. When I suggested that we look at what’s coming in and what’s going out and figure out what we should do he said, “That’s all I ever wanted,” shaking his head and looking at the floor.
BULLSHIT!! I burst into tears of rage and frustration and said that he did not say that’s all he wanted and he was a liar. Deny, deny, deny. The Last 10 Years exercise was for my benefit, a learning tool that I was to do because I care about him and some other crap that made absolutely no sense.
Either he’s losing it, or he finally realizes that I see just what he is. He alternates between rages and tears and the longer I sit and calmly look at the floor the less he seems to know what will move me. He’s coming unhinged, I swear.
Anyway. I had to leave for work, so I told him that I could not continue this conversation and left.
He called the shop a couple of hours later. I saw it was him on the caller ID and debated even picking it up, but I wouldn’t want him to drive down here – I just might get physical and end up behind bars.
“Hi! How are you?” he says in a false cheery voice.
“Oh, just fine,” I replied, my standard reply, my space holder until I see what his mood is. You know what I mean.
“I knew it!” there’s an edge to his voice, like I should be standing here in tears waiting for his call? As-if! “Are you busy?”
“A couple just walked in the shop,” I said.
Blah, blah, blah a stupid question about bed linens and where they are kept and then he said he would “let me go.”
“Bye,” I said. Click.
* Correct me if I’m wrong, but if you pay all your bills on time, every month, doesn’t that make you a responsible person? There is no moral penalty for paying bills by the due date, right? According to M, if you don’t have the money in the bank to pay all of your bills a year in advance you are irresponsible. Srsly. Welcome to NarcLand!