Is it That Time of Month Already?

04 Nov

M started in on me before I was fully awake this morning.

“What are you going to do?” he asks.

“What do you mean?” I reply.

“Are you going to take a shower in the next 10 minutes?”


“Good. Then I can get in there. Our whole life revolves around you and what you want to do,” this said as he rolls out of bed.

Great. I was hoping he would hold off this shit until AFTER I’d paid the bills – you know, demonstrate that he is aware that I’m contributing to our life together and not being the selfish bitch he accuses me of being. But no.

I am irresponsible because I don’t want to pay the property tax bill tomorrow. It arrived in the mail yesterday, double what it should be because he “forgot” to pay it last year. So all of a sudden I have to come up with an additional $1200 because of his mistake. Fine. I agreed to pay the property taxes. I was not aware that there was a time limit (besides the actual due date*) for paying, but according to him we have to go down there tomorrow and pay in person and all this additional drama and crap that I don’t care about.

According to him, I lied when I told him it was taken care of – before the bill even arrived. I was pretty sure it was taken care of and did not feel up to yet another lecture about how stupid and irresponsible I am. I have enough cash on hand to put in the bank to make up the shortage. I do actually have the money to pay the bill, but that doesn’t matter to M – nope! I am a total loser. The fact that I managed to save $3000 between June 1 and Sept 15 on minimum wage while maintaining the lifestyle to which I have been condemned doesn’t merit even a passing wave of congratulations.

According to M, if I were a mature adult able to talk about money, I would have seen the bill and then opened a dialogue about how I was a bit short and asked if he could make up the difference and we would have sat around like Normal People and it would have been a Simple Discussion instead of the Lecture it has to become once my “lie” and “childish behavior” had been exposed.

Which led, as it always does, to how Truly Awful his life has become, how lonely he feels, how much of a failure he is, how all he wants to do is live on his boat, but he just can’t handle being alone, how his mind is becoming more and more confused, how he just can’t physically keep up with house maintenance or even his Fun Activities any more, oh, woe is me!

We got back around to the Budget Bullshit. When I suggested that we look at what’s coming in and what’s going out and figure out what we should do he said, “That’s all I ever wanted,” shaking his head and looking at the floor.

BULLSHIT!! I burst into tears of rage and frustration and said that he did not say that’s all he wanted and he was a liar. Deny, deny, deny. The Last 10 Years exercise was for my benefit, a learning tool that I was to do because I care about him and some other crap that made absolutely no sense.

Either he’s losing it, or he finally realizes that I see just what he is. He alternates between rages and tears and the longer I sit and calmly look at the floor the less he seems to know what will move me. He’s coming unhinged, I swear.

Anyway. I had to leave for work, so I told him that I could not continue this conversation and left.

He called the shop a couple of hours later. I saw it was him on the caller ID and debated even picking it up, but I wouldn’t want him to drive down here – I just might get physical and end up behind bars.

“Hi! How are you?” he says in a false cheery voice.

“Oh, just fine,” I replied, my standard reply, my space holder until I see what his mood is. You know what I mean.

“I knew it!” there’s an edge to his voice, like I should be standing here in tears waiting for his call? As-if! “Are you busy?”

“A couple just walked in the shop,” I said.

Blah, blah, blah a stupid question about bed linens and where they are kept and then he said he would “let me go.”

“Bye,” I said. Click.


* Correct me if I’m wrong, but if you pay all your bills on time, every month, doesn’t that make you a responsible person? There is no moral penalty for paying bills by the due date, right? According to M, if you don’t have the money in the bank to pay all of your bills a year in advance you are irresponsible. Srsly. Welcome to NarcLand!


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17 responses to “Is it That Time of Month Already?

  1. Paula

    November 4, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    My X always claimed he had a $15,000 cushion in his account. Nope. I never believed him. You know why? Because he ran to “Mother” to secure a loan for a car he just HAD to have after I purchased a new care that I NEEDED. His 10-year-old Mercedes wasn’t good enough. He needed a newer BMW. So, Mother to the rescue to buy his Mercedes, so he could have cash-in-hand for the BMW and zero debt. He had money but not $15,000 in his personal account. He MIGHT have had $15,000 in his business account which he liked using for non-business purposes. Shady shit. Poor M. It’s all your fault. If it weren’t for your incompetence his bills would get paid ahead of time. Hmmm? Do you see how much nonsense his argument is? Of course you do! But he doesn’t because somehow you owe him to take care of him and all of his needs because he invited you into his life. That’s a privilege, you know, to be in his inner circle. PUKE!

    • iwonttakeit

      November 4, 2012 at 3:42 pm

      Oh, yes! I owe him simply for being able to bask in his glory! I am nothing without him! If it weren’t for him I would be, hmmm, where would I be? Living in a city I loved, working at a job that I loved, taking riding lessons on my own horse, visiting friends and family, living just the life I always imagined for myself. Yep, my soul is a good trade off for his happiness. Not!

  2. Awana

    November 4, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Puke. I think, however, you are right–he is going crazy or getting Alzheimer’s or something, and you may leave now with no guilt. Otherwise, you will wait for years to find out and end up a caretaker for an unmanageable person while you grow old and wrung out. These people cannot seek help because they don’t know they need it, and are too aggressive to believe you when you try to help. If you leave, he will have to face it himself. Just think, you are doing a good and noble thing! sure wish you didn’t have to pay that bill. So sorry–do you really have to?? He could live on his boat–he just needs to get one of those Asian or Russian whores!!Excuse me, “wives”. Then, maybe they will suck him dry and run off! Ha, ha! He is ripe for the picking.

    Anyway–why can’t he see that he is irresponsible since he himself doesn’t have the money to pay…a year ahead of time? This just drives me crazy when people keep quoting all the stupid stuff they believe in, even after it doesn’t make sense because they are not actually practicing it!!! Men seem to really be bad about this; like denying the ship is sinking while they are already in the lifeboat.

  3. Melanie

    November 5, 2012 at 7:27 am

    My X hasn’t the slighted idea what financial responsibility is. He was sued by four credit card companies, hasn’t made his car payment in several months and is “hoping” to keep it even thru bankruptcy, and can’t afford to pay me the money that is court ordered to me, so he hasn’t paid it and is three months late. Yet, I’m the one who can’t be trusted to pay bills and manage money and so he demanded child support be deducted from my paycheck (at $8.25 in fees per deduction). Total projection. His irresponsibility is costing me $215 a year.

    • iwonttakeit

      November 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

      Projection, anyone?!? Crazy-making in the extreme. There should be an island we can ship these assholes off to for eternity – let them battle it out between themselves and let us get on with our lives.

      • Melanie

        November 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

        An island, yes! let these narcissists stroke each other and leave us the hell alone.

      • Sofia Leo

        November 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm

        If only we could get some sort of court order to round then all up and ship them off. Think of how many lives it would impact! I bet there would be plenty of public office jobs open for sensible people to fill 🙂 The employment problem would be taken care of in one fell swoop!

      • Melanie

        November 8, 2012 at 12:42 pm

        That court order won’t ever come since too many narcissists are judges. We need the Langoliers, or some other Stephen King-like phenom to do the ridding for us.

      • Sofia Leo

        November 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

        Good point. Langoliers it should be! Now, how to get in touch with them?

      • Melanie

        November 8, 2012 at 1:21 pm

        I know, right? Other than falling asleep on a international flight, I’m not sure what their phone number is. lol!

      • Sofia Leo

        November 8, 2012 at 1:23 pm

        LOL! Maybe Mr. King knows? No cash here for an international flight, but there’s got to be another way…Hell, I’d settle for Cujo to take care of my problems, even tho clean-up would be a bit messy 🙂

      • Melanie

        November 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

        Clean-up may be messy, but it would be fulfilling.


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