Toilet Seals and Property Taxes

01 Nov

Hang on, it will all relate!

Two days ago M commented that the toilet was rather loose. I said that I had noticed it, too, and had even brought it to his attention* a couple of times. He decided that it needed to come up and have the wax seal replaced. No Big Deal, and I know it as I’ve watched this particular repair on a couple of occasions. Really. It’s NOTHING.

He made a big deal of lifting the toilet out (after complaining that I was spending too much time in the bathroom trying to do something with my hair, which he insists I had no intention of doing until he got up to get his tool box, blah, blah, blah. Short version – I was in his way and not being helpful. Whatever.) and complaining about how his back just can’t handle that sort of thing, etc. He did not ask me to help. I’ll say that again – he did not ask me to render any sort of assistance with the heavy lifting of this job. He did berate me for not knowing how to do the job, “forcing” him as The Man to deal with something he just isn’t physically able to do. I left the room.

He called me back in to demonstrate that the plastic ring under the seal is slightly cracked and to ask if I had “fallen onto” the toilet, thereby cracking the ring. Uh…No. Duh.Β  I am not a child, nor am I irresponsible. He finally allowed as it might be him, using the toilet late at night when he doesn’t have his equipment on – he has to pull himself up and there is no handrail (too proud to put one in – typical Narc.) Anyway.

He said that it was the Worst Possible Scenario – the ring will have to be replaced, the old one cut off the pipe, someone will have to go under the house to position the pipe for the new ring, blah, blah, blah.

“Why don’t you just put some epoxy and a new, better screw in there? It’s not actually cracked, just stressed. Your Super-Heavy-Duty-Only-REAL-Men-and-Contractors-Use-This-Glue should hold, don’t you think?” was my response.

After some spluttering and murmuring what did he do? Found a better screw (he had to borrow my square drive because he refuses to buy one, but that’s the only kind of screw he could find at the moment – not important to you, but important for my records, so to speak) and put a nice blob of his Super Stick’em glue in there. At that point I left to meet the ladies for knitting.

So, that went well and I returned home. Now, I’ve been wondering when the property tax bill** is going to come in for a month or so. He lectured me about how it will likely be “twice as much as last year” because of some bond measures that passed, etc. I said that I would worry about it and pay the bill when it came.

Niggling in the back of my mind is the memory that the taxes were not paid last year. Or at least that a bill did not arrive. M was busy with the septic tank replacement and moaning and yelling about that and how I was not able to help him pay for it (I had a $4500 income tax bill coming up -totally my fault for not looking closely at my withholding forms and underestimating what I had earned free-lancing – and knew that I was not going to be able to contribute) but the usual Property Tax and my Irresponsibility lecture didn’t happen, and I let it slide, figuring he had paid the bill and would save it for some later lecture.

That chicken came home to roost. Seems he got a call from the County saying that his bill was returned as “undeliverable” and could he give them a new address? Hmmmm…Before I came here he had a P.O. box, but he hasn’t had it for over three years and the County can’t find his real address? Something sounds fishy about the whole thing, but I’m going to let it slide for now.

Anyway, the upshot is that two years’ worth of property taxes are due by the middle of the month. He admitted this with a hopeful expression on his face – hopeful that I was going to be horrified and admit that there was no way I can pay, that I just don’t have the money, that I’ve been irresponsible and now he will have to pick up the slack and make it All Better.

Hah! I very calmly told him that it wasn’t a problem. After all of his panicked lectures about how I can’t be counted on, he can rest assured that the situation is under control.

Okay – you’re all properly wound up now, gnashing your teeth that I am doing anything at all for this Narc. Let me assure you that I do it for a very good reason. M will be (if all goes according to plan) making a trip North again very soon, possibly this month, possibly with a friend. Said trip will likely last the better part of a week. I have a tentative plan in place to move out while he’s away and I want him to be complacent until the very last moment. It’s all part of my plan, even though it appears that I have given in to him and his childish whims. As soon as I have a firm date for his trip, my plans can go forward and I’ll keep you all updated here. He can pretend that everything is just fine in his little world, and so can I.

* Any time I don’t mention some household thing that needs repair (it usually doesn’t, it’s just another excuse for this particular argument) he takes a moment to lecture me on how I have no House Pride, how I would be happy to let the house fall down around my ears, how if I didn’t have A Man around to take care of me I would be living in a tarp-covered hovel, moaning about how no one loved me. If I do happen to mention something I get a different lecture, the one about how if I would bother myself to learn how to do some of the Man Chores that I insist he perform he would have more time/energy/resources to do that he really wants to be doing, instead of being my “slave.” It’s a no-win for me and so I have determined not to mention anything that I consider minor. I have also quit fixing anything myself because that just earns me a lecture about how I Did it Wrong and now he has to fix it and it would have been better if he just did it himself in the first place and on and on. Fuck him.

** I took over paying the bills after his last Bullshit Budget lecture. I have no problem with this as I live here, too, and that way he can’t cut off any services and blame it on me or my over-using of resources. Turns out the bills are actually about half what he has been making them out to be, even factoring in the little things that come up and need immediate attention. I am not giving him any money for any reason, not buying things that he has been hinting that he needs, like clothes and a new coat, shoes, magazine subscriptions etc. When I do leave, he might have to scramble to come up with some cash, but that’s not my problem, is it? While I’m still here I can guarantee he won’t turn off the electricity (for instance) just out of spite. Games? Yes, but what can I do for the moment?


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18 responses to “Toilet Seals and Property Taxes

  1. Melanie

    November 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I remember those days so very clearly. August 2010. His father had postponed a heart stint surgery to attend the summer family gathering at a beach house. That year his family picked a place just a few miles from our new place in FL. When my ex heard his dad had put off surgery for a vacation, he went nuts on his sister and blamed her for not being able to control their father. So my ex decided after the family vaca he would return to GA and make sure his father had surgery. I stayed at home while my ex stayed at the family rental. I packed like a madwoman that week and did as he said like a good little girl so he would for sure go out of town. I got the double bonus of being able to leave him on his birthday.

    • iwonttakeit

      November 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

      LOL! Good for you! I’ve missed the B-day, but perhaps I can manage something just in time for Christmas πŸ™‚ It will be the best gift I can give myself!

      • Melanie

        November 1, 2012 at 2:53 pm

        It will become the most special anniversary of all no matter what date it happens.

    • Paula

      November 1, 2012 at 2:59 pm

      It KILLS them when you miss their birthday or, in your case, disrespect him on his birthday. How dare you?! πŸ™‚

      • iwonttakeit

        November 1, 2012 at 3:06 pm

        I know! As if they are the only people who matter. Wait, that’s their whole deal, isn’t it? ASSHOLES.

      • Melanie

        November 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

        That one still cheers me up to this very day.

  2. Paula

    November 1, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    I can’t wait for the post with the picture of you boxing up your stuff. πŸ™‚

    • iwonttakeit

      November 1, 2012 at 3:11 pm

      Actually, since he grudges me every inch of space I take up, much of my stuff is still in boxes in “my” room, which he said would be my studio when I moved in, my space to use as I please for my art and projects. Except for that corner over there. And this space for the futon in case we have company. And a four foot clear path all the way through. And that corner over there that gets wet during the Winter. Oh, and we’ll be storing water and food and tools and the dog has to sleep and eat in there, too. And it has to be kept “tidy,” because he can’t stand to see chaos around him. Whatever. It will simplify moving, though – only clothes and one desk and closet to really pack up. A few odds and ends. I figure I can do it all in one day, maybe less if I get started soon – the empty boxes are already in my car waiting to be re-assembled πŸ™‚

      • Paula

        November 1, 2012 at 3:13 pm

        I can relate. My X had a room reserved for his dog! I had a little corner for my desk. That was my space. πŸ™‚

      • iwonttakeit

        November 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

        There were two dogs in there, now only my dog since Old Dog is no longer with us. I don’t really mind the dog having to be in there, in fact she and I are good buds and work well together. He’ll probably miss her more than he’ll miss me, but I know she’ll be happier when we go – she hates him.

      • Paula

        November 1, 2012 at 3:34 pm

        Smart dog!

      • iwonttakeit

        November 1, 2012 at 3:43 pm

        He was thinking that after Old Dog was gone Sabu would turn to him for companionship while I’m at work, but she goes out into “our” room and lays on her bed until I get home πŸ™‚ He says that she “banishes” herself. I say she is just hiding so as to avoid his Narc crap!

  3. Awana

    November 2, 2012 at 5:18 am

    1.There was a lot of this glue around my house…substitute a lot of things for glue…
    2. He bought a GIANT unfinished dresser , spent forever finishing it, then was absolutely shocked that I would be sharing it–he said”well, you can have one drawer”. I got the itty-bitty one . So, I said I would just get one for the other bedroom. He got agitated and ran out and bought a raggedy, old dresser that I had to use. In the other bedroom.
    3.Guess what? In CERTAIN LIVING SITUATIONS, you pay no property tax!

    • iwonttakeit

      November 2, 2012 at 11:25 am

      LOL! Yes! Exactly! Whatever he does is better, whatever he thinks is better, it goes on forever.

      Believe me, I’ve started dreaming about just those living situations! I wake up hoping I haven’t talked in my sleep…Visions of making it work are beginning to consume me. I just hope he gives me some advance warning about his next trip. I also kinda hope it comes hot on the heels of another one of his blow-ups so he gets a very clear picture of action vs. consequence. Or do I even owe him any sort of explanation? There’s a blog post for you…

  4. El Guapo

    January 2, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    Glad to see that after other relationships you’ve described, you’re not letting him get control of your bank account!

    • Sofia Leo

      January 2, 2013 at 6:04 pm

      I always knew enough not to give a man access to my bank accounts. Didn’t stop them from stealing from me, but at least I’ve never been cleaned out.


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