26 Sep

M likes to make a big deal of birthdays. He thinks that the birthday person should be treated all day – gifts, special dinner, etc.

He has a birthday coming up next week. Every year I tie myself in knots to find a meaningful, thoughtful gift to give him. Every year it’s never quite right. Most of the time it’s not even close.

On my last birthday I got nothing. As the day wore on, and he didn’t even wish me a Happy Birthday, I became a little down. Usually he buys me a box of chocolates. This year he gave me a lecture. Since I hadn’t been treating him very well, he felt that I did not deserve a birthday present. “Hurts, don’t it?” he asked, and left the room.

On my last birthday he had the following exchange with his “stalker” in Italy:

Him: If we lived closer, I could teach you some boatbuilding myself. An you could teach me how to sing. (and speak Italian)

Her: that would be nice. kind of you. sounds… confortably. 🙂
italian is not so difficult.

Him: I have trouble with languages. I speak with my heart.

Her: i know you have. but your heart is good enough.
better to speak with it than with a tongue,be sure.

Nice, huh?

So my question for you is this: should I repay him in kind this year?


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18 responses to “Birthdays

  1. Awana

    September 26, 2012 at 4:21 pm


    • iwonttakeit

      September 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

      As always, right to the point and square on target 🙂

  2. lookingforward2012

    September 26, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    You should just disappear. Clean out his bank account and vanish.

    • iwonttakeit

      September 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

      I have no access to his bank account, but I’ve seen the statements and there’s not much there. Unless he has other accounts elsewhere, which is a possibility. According to him I’ve already “lost him” $200,000, so that’s pretty good, right? I don’t yet have enough money to completely disappear, but I will have soon…

  3. Paula

    September 26, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Buy him some used Learn Italian cassette tapes (yeah, cassettes) and make a one-way ticket to Italy out of construction paper (stamp it with First Class, why not?) and say, “It hurts, don’t it?” Hehe!

    • iwonttakeit

      September 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm

      Or a tattered book about living with someone with Alzheimer’s and a bus ticket to Idaho?

      Or a link to Sam Raknin’s YouTube video where he talks about how the Narc views “normal people?”

      Or a bar of anti-bacterial soap?

      Or maybe a picture of what he really wants with the caption – “This would have been your birthday gift, but you treat me like shit and I don’t want to give you anything”?

      • Paula

        September 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm

        Hahaha! Yeah! Any of those options. 🙂

  4. Lou

    September 27, 2012 at 5:44 am

    Do. Not. Buy. This. Jerk. ANYTHING!!! Really. Why on earth should you even think about buying him a thing?

    • iwonttakeit

      September 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm

      This is the nature of the type of relationship that I have been sucked into. I wrote this post to illustrate how he has turned my thinking upside down, how he controls my feelings and reactions with his manipulations. It has to be all about HIM – there is no room for the person who is actually ME in this relationship. Every time he pulls something like this he tells me, yet again, how worthless I am. How little I care for the only important person in this relationship – him.

      He will not be getting a gift on his birthday. He will not be getting a lecture, either, unless he pisses me off, in which case he will be getting another tirade about what an asshole he is. I may walk out when I’ve said my piece – I have the funds to make something temporary work and no longer fear living in my car.

      Thank you so much for validating my opinion 🙂

      • Lou

        September 28, 2012 at 1:35 am

        Happy to validate! Really. NO guilt. Every time you feel a hint of it, tell yourself: he did not get me anything.

      • Sofia Leo

        March 26, 2013 at 9:33 pm

        I try, but his training (and that of others) runs deep.

  5. healfrominsideout

    September 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Men like this use the internet and social networks to find women who they can trick into believing that they are good men. Narcissists and Borderlines use any means to validate themselves and what better way than with a woman who doesn’t know the real them. They can literally create a personality that they want the other person to see. Any men like this know EXACTLY which women to prey on.

    • iwonttakeit

      September 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

      He said as much – “we put our best selves out there, maybe even better than our best selves, to impress people and make them think we are something else…” meanwhile he treats the woman who is actually living alongside him like shit.

      Personally, I put my True Self out there onto the ‘net, and if someone doesn’t like it I really don’t care. I certainly know better than to believe what I read online and would never (again) trust anything I read in an e-mail – it’s too easy for men to lie!

  6. El Guapo

    January 2, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    Why not buy him an iron with a big N, so you can brand him?

    • Sofia Leo

      March 26, 2013 at 9:34 pm

      LOL! Because the smell of burning human flesh turns my stomach? Also, I would have to get too close to him…

  7. Pingback: I Won't Take It

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