Peaceful Interlude

10 Sep

Well, he’s back. He had a wonderful time, enjoyed fabulous company and is full of stories to tell. He says that people asked about me and expect to see me at the end of the month at the next Gathering. I haven’t found an excuse not to go yet, but we shall see.

He is being very careful about how he talks to me because he has a little project he wants me to do for him. It involves a lot of sewing on a new sail. He asked if I would sew it up if he laid it out. After making a suggestion about how to keep the seams lined up I said that I would. I refuse to drive this project, however, and I won’t be doing any more handwork than I feel like doing, no matter what he says.

We’ve tried to work on things together in the past and he always accuses me of “taking over” the project or dragging my feet whenever he makes a suggestion or change, especially if it falls under one of my “specialities.”  I mean, if I know what I’m doing, why does he have to interrupt and “correct” me?

Anyway. I sewed on the damned thing for 2.5 hours after work. Not a single Thank You passed his lips. I was up later than usual and rather pissed off, so I was not able to fall asleep. He was madly typing away in the next room until 12:30 AM.

When he came to bed he was surprised that I was still awake. I asked him if he was writing a book. He stiffened and said, “I only wrote two paragraphs…” I didn’t ask who he was writing to – he needs to “protect [his] privacy,” after all.

Finally a Thank You just before he started snoring. And he wonders why I don’t like to work with him.



6 responses to “Peaceful Interlude

  1. Paula

    September 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Shameful that it feels like work helping this man. I’ve been thinking about you a lot and am glad you posted today.

    • iwonttakeit

      September 15, 2012 at 6:14 pm

      I always thought that a Real Partnership should be easy – there wouldn’t be all of this competition, this war to be on top all the time. I thought that working towards a common goal was a worthy occupation, but now I’ve come to see that there will never be a common goal between us as he is constantly moving the goalposts. And when I do something from my heart it is always rebuffed. At least I am now able to stand outside the conflict and see it for what it really is, domestic abuse, instead of what he wants me to see, my own failure as a human.

  2. Awana

    September 16, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    This post is so depressing because it reminds me of all the times I was “standing by” while he engaged in some god-awful day long project. I would end up so exhausted (in all ways) with a day lost. And it would be my fault if it didn’t work out. Yeah, and war it becomes…especially when I not smart like you seem to be; because it was easier for me to believe.

    • iwonttakeit

      September 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm

      Exactly! All the muttering and cursing, asking me what I think and then discounting what I say. It’s a terrible waste of time, but my time has no value anyway in his eyes. I end up depressed all out of proportion and then he asks what I’m unhappy about. Not that he really wants to know, just wants to be sure he has worked his “magic” and ground me down. Whatever.

  3. El Guapo

    January 2, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    Seems like as your resolve to leave strengthens, you’re more aware of yourself and the little hthings (like “thank you”) that the rest of us take for granted.

    • Sofia Leo

      January 2, 2013 at 4:30 pm

      Exactly! Being able to put a name to the shit he doles out has been very empowering for me. It was the confusion and gaslighting that made me stay so long, that allow me to justify (to myself) staying.


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