After a blow-up last night about (of all things) chicken, M feels like he has “vented” and I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. Today I can do no wrong. Today I am a queen to be treated with respect and kindness, an intellectual equal and his favorite person on earth.
The way he treats me in this phase of his verbally abusive cycle is the way he treated me in the wooing period of our relationship and is the only reason that I stay. For these precious few days I can relax and feel like myself again. I know it won’t last, but this time I’m not quite so apprehensive about tomorrow.
Any other month I would be questioning my sanity today, convincing myself that he really isn’t the ogre I remember from yesterday, that this Nice M will last forever if I just [insert doormat platitude of your choice here.]
I recorded about three hours of “discussion” last night to remind myself that this idyll is a mask that covers his true face. The files need to be edited and cut – there’s a lot of relevant material there that I would like to share, both to remind myself of what really happens to me on a daily basis and to perhaps educate some other lost soul who doesn’t know for sure if what she hears every day is really as bad as it makes her feel.
Part of our discussion last night was about FB “friends” and what happens when those “friends” are real people from our past. He cleverly sidestepped my question about how many former lovers he might be in contact with and changed the subject to what his feelings are about me seeing any former lovers In Real Life – in short, he feels very threatened by the idea and does not want me to see any of them. I gave him ample opportunities to come clean about being in contact with “an old lover (who I still care for)” but he did not take the bait, carefully sidestepping and repeating how he would feel if I met an ex IRL, and that he is old and wise enough to know that if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen and he can do nothing about it. For the moment, I’m letting it simmer on the back burner.