I seem unable to stop beating myself with knowledge acquired clandestinely. There was a notice in M’s gmail trash that his yahoo password had been changed. I had not checked that account, but it seems that I should have been keeping an eye on it.
He’s not very clever with passwords, so it took only an evening’s thought before I sussed it out and logged on. No trash. No sent mail. No contacts. Nothing in the inbox. Okie-dokie. I’ll check back later.
Here’s an excerpt from a three-note exchange between M and a former lover:
Her: Nothing new and exciting here just been thinking about you and wondering if we will get to connect this summer while I am at [a town 2 hours away.]
Him: Realistically it’s hard to imagine meeting you in [town 2 hours away]. I suppose I should just drive off one day and say I am going to meet an old lover (that I still care for) and I’ll be gone most of the day……?
If [town] were closer than two hours away maybe…I’m sure we’ll see each other one day soon, just a matter of when. I’ll probably want a big hug and a kiss and would rather your whole family weren’t watching…love, m.
Her: When we are at the beach, come hell or high water, I am driving down to [a town 1 hour away] to see C (remember she was dating MD?). She has a “beach house” (condo) somewhere up on the cliffs….she has had it for 8 years and I have never been. I have no idea how far that is. Guess I will have to do a “mapquest”. Maybe if we are both brave we can meet in [town 1 hour away]…?
Well, huh. That seems pretty suggestive, doesn’t it? Is it just me, or does it sound like M is planning to meet up with a former lover without saying where he’s going or who he is going to see? Does her suggestion that they meet at a friend’s condo bring to your mind a sex-filled afternoon? Is this conversation crossing the line from friendship into cyber affair?
You can bet that if a similar exchange were to be found in my inbox it would be all kinds of wrong and I would never hear the end of it.
This begs many questions – how many other women is he “talking” to? How many other relationships is he engaged in and at what level? Are his “sailing” trips really what he claims they are? How dare he judge me and lecture me and beat me with words when he is doing everything that he’s accused me of doing?
June 14, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Of course there are others. These other women are what is called his “narcissistic supply.” They feed his ego and grandiose sense of self. They offer no other use to him, really, but he cannot give up this sickness of his ego. It needs fed constantly. He doesn’t deserve to be “allowed” to do this.
December 30, 2012 at 9:42 am
Mostly I’m on outraged on your behalf for his duplicity and hypocrisy.
December 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Thank you for your outrage 🙂 It has taken me a long time to understand that I don’t have to put up with this shit, that I did nothing to “deserve” it – speaking up has been very empowering! Why didn’t I do it sooner?
October 5, 2014 at 12:41 pm
This is my biggest fear that i would find out or uncover other women which my gut feeling screams out to me that i have never been the only woman in his life which he says over and over again .He is very paranoid and accuses me of flirting having affairs and messaging other men and has no evidence or any right to do this but i find myself always having defend myself against things i havemt done or would even think of doing and in my heart i know it is him projecting onto me and that hurts but i have now accepted that he has all the signs of bring a narcisstic sociopath so of course he had other supplys of women and it makes me so angry because of all the times hes beaten me down verbally to the point of wanting to end my life ..so glad i can now have peace of mind .
October 6, 2014 at 8:18 am
Yup. He has others. Projecting onto you is his way of keeping you off balance, confused and hurt so you won’t take a hard look at him and find he’s cheating. I sure hope you’ve dumped him!
I can be reached at email@example.com if you want to chat privately.
October 6, 2014 at 8:35 am
Thankyou so much i will save your email address .. i have walked away for the last time to save whats left of my sanity its either that or i will end up i prison .i have been defending myself for the past 2 years against all the things i havent done all the things that exist in his paranoid mind and the thing that hurts me most is he says to me he can put his hand on his heart and say im the only woman hes ever been with or even looked at since the day he met me and he says its a shame that i couldnt say the same ! Before he met me he was a player and a cheat but of course i was the one and the best thing that ever happened to him and the one who made him a better person and he knows one day ill be the person he knows i can be …well good for him because im not spending anymore of my life defending myself and trying to reassure him that hes the only one i ever wanted.i nearly lost my home my children and my mind with all the chaos he brings to my life for absolutly no reason apart from his entertainment..i give up 🙂
October 6, 2014 at 8:46 am
Gaaaaahhhhhhh!!! I got the exact same thing! It’s so hard to break free when they make themselves into your Everything and it’s all YOUR fault they do they things they do. It’s a mind fuck. Stay strong. Stay gone. Stay sane!